Foolishnesses
103 Sections
My Busy Day
I have so much to do (includes pictures).
The Subway Diary Analyzes Current Events
Figuring out using our patented psychoanagrammatical method
26 Jan 98
Bad Alternative Song Lyrics
28 Jan 98
The Further Adventures of Captain of Industry
30 Jan 98
The Devil is Contentious
02 Feb 98
Celebrate the real meaning of Groundhog Day.
27 Feb 98
A Picture
04 Mar 98
A doodle on a grim day
16 Mar 98
Possible Books
How the NEA bit the dust
Written in the froth of deep Helms-hating.
(Discussions with an) Insurance Agent
What if my sister is massacred by hobgoblins?
Baker’s Dozen
Your mom’s so fat she wears a cross-your-knees bra.
NoMoPoMo!
Absolutely None
The Poetry Converter
Finally, something that understands poetry
The Islamic Republic of Dogs
“We are going to war with the Irish! We will cast out the Leprachauns!”
Cross-cultural Romance
Ooblat love can be so sad
23 Apr 98
Smutty Essay
24 Apr 98
Pickup Lines That Fail
17 Jun 98
Army
21 Jun 98
January 1, 2000: The Millennium Bug
Real Things, Said by Real People
You tame your own donkey, okay?
22 Jun 98
Microsoft Trampoline 2.0
09 Jul 98
Name Your Poison
20 Jul 98
Poetry in Perspective I
Rats Eat Vomit
Filthy, filthy, filthy things in NYC
Mortar & Expounded Cliche
Beating my head against a wall.
Who’s Reading? An Annotated Selection from Yesterday’s Access.Log
Recipient of the highly coveted Journal Something Award!
MISTAKE
Archy comes back for a moment to talk to Don, but doesn’t realize that Don is dead.
Hmm
An experimental play.
Satya’s Dog
A poem about a stinky dog.
Love Ditty
Punk rock love. It sucks.
Ftrain Winter Haiku
Some haiku, you.
The Thing I Do
Loving myself, loving you.
Hitler’s Brain
The truth, finally.
Tom Baylor, Space Therapist
He helps extraterrestrials get their shit together.
His First Screen Appearance
He tinks, he winks
Inner-city Geek Trash Talk
Dorks is angry
Wu-Tang Bakery
What they cook at the Wu-Tang bakery.
Let’s Make Fun of Dirty Thnirts!
People thought this was the dumbest thing I’d ever written, but I love it.
Audio
This is me, testing the recording capability on a Linux system, doing an old man’s voice.
Ftrain Special Report: London
Here I am in London....
Pundits on Fire in Hell
Stop telling me how to think!
5 Marketing Catastrophes
All absolutely 100% guaranteed true.
Canon of Classifieds
Author ISO meaning; will travel.
Images from in and around Manhattan, NYC
La van, a man, a plan, a bird, Dr. Ibañal Panama, Naval!
Forthcoming Science Trade Books
What’s coming from the physics and paleontology set?
Alumni Register
How’m I doin?
Urban, Boolean
New York City as a Boolean Algebra problem; also the first piece ever written for Ftrain, at the tender age of 22.
Bucket of Doggerel
Sometimes, but not often, I rhyme.
SlideShow
Images of Past Projects Gone Wrong
Career Development: an Artist
Career Development is important to a young fellow’s growth.
Career Development Revisited
Coming back once more
The Subway Diary: 02-Apr-98
Combinations
Touch
It’s hard to reach out.
Iron-clad Legal Copyright
You don’t own me, although I am another on of your little toys.
The Subway Diary: 26-Dec-97
Craig Roberts Watches Television
The Subway Diary: 14-Dec-97
Diary of a young actor
The Subway Diary: 07-Jan-98
Narrative surrealism at its worst.
The Subway Diary: 20-Jan-98
First Person Photo/Third Person Lithograph
Phone Call
A silver fox, an achromatic bear.
4 Poems from the First Lines of the Poems Archived at the Poetry Daily Web Site
Poetry all sliced up, and then put back together.
My Turing Machine
I made my own Turing Machine. Or perhaps I am a Turing Machine and I’m just looking in the mirror.
Giant Robot Construction Kit
Technological interlude.
If Steven Spielberg Directed Porn
Foolery
Cards
Because you should always share how you feel.
The Subway Diary Guide to Self-Loathing
A guide for getting through those bad days.
Baffling Cuteness
Exploring, and respectfully interpreting, the artifacts of another culture
Beyond Black Dogs and Mice
A survey of creatures which foreshadow depression, and their literary origins.
Why are robots so fascinating?
A collection of random notes on works in progress.
How to put a whole harmonica in your mouth
Not recommended for larger, chromatic harmonicas.
Answering Machine Message
From my friend Melanie Darning.
The Top 10.25 Things Women (genders 1-2.5) Don’t Know About Men (genders 3-5)
Love Advice for Extraterrestrials, from the redoubtable but unquestionably masculine (in an extraterrestrial sort of way) Xortar Cheemchim, as published in Ranflax Planet 9’s most prominent women’s magazine (in Ranflaxian, the title of the magazine would be “grandmother(1.5)'s tri-shrimp puddin'” or “creem uk lanba lanba hroot,” but it’s a tonal language, so don’t even try or you’ll end up accusing someone of having a labia filled with cottonwood trees).
Why I Loved the Library
Heh.
The Scott and Paul Radio Show
For some reason, no matter how many times we show the script, no one will put us on the air.
Wal-Mart is Everything
Selected responses from an online petition to Wal-Mart stores, urging them to continue selling handgun ammunition.
Wikipedia Explains R&B
Keeping Your Nose Clean
It is your right to sneeze!
Nanobot Comix
A comic strip for the very, very small.
What Were They Thinking?
My Ethnic Identity
A short story.
Frequently Asked Questions
Shameful Pedantic Pettiness
Sometimes I can’t help myself.
Beautiful Ladies
Select images from our recent modeling shoot in Corfu.
Lost Habits
The seed of our futures.
The Banality of Google
Thoughts on the nature of search and the importance of corporate philosophy.
Why Evangelical Christians Should Not Vote for Bush
The Election
Voting Story
Meats
My Three Favorite Computer Games of 2004
It was a great year for sitting and playing at INTERACTIVE GAMING MONTHLY ONLINE!
Nicknames We Gave Our Intelligence Sources
When “Curveball” just won’t do.
My New Year’s Resolutions
To what Google Base uses may we return, Horatio!
In which I contribute to Business 2.0.
Dear LazyWeb
LazyWeb: The idea that if you wait long enough, someone will implement that wacky idea you had . . . (or already has!) —IAWiki
Trope
Elsewhere: Lawyering
Döh
I Am Making a Difference
Another Veil-lifter Pitched
Tag Cloud
This Is Just To Say
Note
I wonder what the poor folks are doing tonight.