April 2019

Apr 30, 2019

I am an awful fidget.

@krucoff I am an awful fidget.
Apr 30, 2019

well @harper knew that i grew up doing children's puppetry...

@amyhoy @dylanreed well @harper knew that i grew up doing children's puppetry at birthday parties in the family puppet theater, and @dylanreed makes puppets, so one day a box arrived
Apr 30, 2019

I left to teach a class and they put the puppet of me on my...

I left to teach a class and they put the puppet of me on my new boots. That's the DuoLingo owl face-down behind the puppet; it was watching and fell over. We do work for the Fortune 100. twitter.com/...
Apr 30, 2019

soul mining is 40 and storm the studio is 30 so I bought...

soul mining is 40 and storm the studio is 30 so I bought opalescent doc martens with rainbow stitching
Apr 30, 2019

I finished an essay last week, and I know that people will...

I finished an essay last week, and I know that people will find it problematic on social media, but it won't be published for a few weeks, so I am in a state of extreme banticipation.
Apr 29, 2019

Hey congratulations! That's going to be great!

@john_overholt Hey congratulations! That's going to be great!
Apr 26, 2019

Thank you, Roy. We’ve never exchanged invites but I’m...

@roybahat Thank you, Roy. We’ve never exchanged invites but I’m committed to this strategy, and it’s good to be seen.
Apr 26, 2019

Nothing is better than a 1960s kids joke book bought at the...

Nothing is better than a 1960s kids joke book bought at the used book store for an impromptu feminist theory teaching text.
Apr 26, 2019

When McWatters says he's looking for input and feedback...

When McWatters says he's looking for input and feedback because he's re-designing this, he means it. He's working hard to build the simplest communication tool he can and he listens very intently. If you are on the spectrum/have folks on the spectrum give him your thoughts. twitter.com/...
Apr 24, 2019

You know people are always talking about how ancient...

You know people are always talking about how ancient sculpture was painted to be lifelike and that sounds kind of cool? And then I saw this. twitter.com/...
Apr 24, 2019

Conclusion: tetanus booster

Conclusion: tetanus booster
Apr 24, 2019

New Jersey. Just walking along in a park.

@Bill_Braine New Jersey. Just walking along in a park.
Apr 24, 2019

Here is the snake that just bit my wife. Both snake and...

Here is the snake that just bit my wife. Both snake and wife seem to be okay. We (meaning also me and the kids, not the snake) went to the emergency room just in case. I hope everyone else is enjoying their vacation. twitter.com/...
Apr 23, 2019

Know your funnel! https://postlight.com/trackchanges/podcast...

Know your funnel! postlight.com/...
Apr 23, 2019

I find Notability really fluid for scribbling all over PDFs.

@ibogost I find Notability really fluid for scribbling all over PDFs.
Apr 23, 2019

This ends beautifully. That's right, my god. Throw it away...

This ends beautifully. That's right, my god. Throw it away and move on. twitter.com/...
Apr 22, 2019

Stellar replies https://twitter.com/reynagarama/status/11187...

Stellar replies twitter.com/...
Apr 22, 2019

Podcasts are like blogging but if people actually cared!

@markhurst @fimoculous @mathowie Podcasts are like blogging but if people actually cared!
Apr 22, 2019

Peppa Pig (snort snort, snort snort snort snort...

Peppa Pig

(snort snort, snort snort snort snort sna-snort)

Peppa Pig
Apr 22, 2019

We drive past a store called FOX FLOORS. Me to kids: I'm a...

We drive past a store called FOX FLOORS.

Me to kids: I'm a fox and I want to give my gurl fren somethin speshul.

Kids: FOX FLOWERS!

Me to wife, quietly: I am a man who is...passionate about flooring.

Wife: Shut UP.

Me: Either way my girlfriend is named Lynn O'Leum
Apr 20, 2019

God damn this is strong.

@modernserf God damn this is strong.
Apr 20, 2019

They are occasionally wonderful ephemera distributors

@KeithBarrett They are occasionally wonderful ephemera distributors
Apr 20, 2019

God bless little free libraries...

God bless little free libraries twitter.com/...
Apr 20, 2019

Thank you, Joyce.

@joycekaye Thank you, Joyce.
Apr 20, 2019

Ela just email me I'm ford@ftrain.com.

@elaorleans Ela just email me I'm ford@ftrain.com.
Apr 20, 2019

You get the sense that comes up a lot, even at holiday...

@tjowens You get the sense that comes up a lot, even at holiday meals.
Apr 20, 2019

Cuz they're all building apps and forgot that the world...

@xxbobbyzxx Cuz they're all building apps and forgot that the world runs on documents.
Apr 20, 2019

Scalable asses for the long haul.

@vandergoog Scalable asses for the long haul.
Apr 20, 2019

That's the thing I'm having that conversation send me a...

@mattmoehr That's the thing I'm having that conversation send me a photo.
Apr 20, 2019

See PDF matters https://www.pdfa.org/a-technical-and-cultura...

See PDF matters pdfa.org/...
Apr 19, 2019

I made so little from web dev I had to go into publishing!

@karenmcgrane @seldo I made so little from web dev I had to go into publishing!
Apr 19, 2019

Right? It made me love people even though some individuals...

@ryanvailbrown Right? It made me love people even though some individuals were bad. Whereas I end up loathing humans on here. Maybe it was that we were trying to accomplish something together even though it was just helping them log on?
Apr 19, 2019

Really good first-person story about helping asylum seekers...

Really good first-person story about helping asylum seekers in Texas, by @gob. tribtalk.org/...
Apr 19, 2019

How's the weather, do you have cats, no I'm not the famous...

How's the weather, do you have cats, no I'm not the famous character actor, what computer are you using, do you believe in ghosts, etc.
Apr 19, 2019

I miss interacting at a personal level with hundreds or...

I miss interacting at a personal level with hundreds or even thousands of people via email. Twitter is broadcast, not the same. When you're emailing with hundreds of people you can just ask them whatever crosses your mind and at worse they'll ignore you.
Apr 19, 2019

It makes me realize one thing I loved running the web and...

It makes me realize one thing I loved running the web and building the archive at Harper's: Responding to hundreds upon hundreds of actual bananacakes enraged help requests. Sometimes I'd ask, "Do you have a grandchild? They can help."
Apr 19, 2019

One thing about actually advertising our company online is...

One thing about actually advertising our company online is that I now get lots of emails with body text like WANT BUILD ASS and I just write back and go, "hey, James, good to hear from you, what kind of ass are you trying to build?"
Apr 19, 2019

This joke about axe throwing laid an egg and now I'm gonna...

This joke about axe throwing laid an egg and now I'm gonna hatchet.
Apr 19, 2019

Axe throwing places are turning Brooklyn into a giant...

Axe throwing places are turning Brooklyn into a giant shopping maul. twitter.com/...
Apr 19, 2019

proud that my brand is math pun shitposting

@RianVDM proud that my brand is math pun shitposting
Apr 19, 2019

It is illegal to say that an apartment building is prime...

It is illegal to say that an apartment building is prime real estate, because it has been divided.
Apr 18, 2019

I had strep thumb as a kid. It was bad.

@KllrDave I had strep thumb as a kid. It was bad.
Apr 18, 2019

The white dots are

The white dots are
Apr 18, 2019

Singularity can't get here fast enough to free us from...

Singularity can't get here fast enough to free us from bodies. This shit never happens to Matrioshka Brains.
Apr 18, 2019

My wife just sent me a picture of my son's weird blister so...

My wife just sent me a picture of my son's weird blister so now I'm on the bus looking through all kinds of blisters for the closest match and may throw up.
Apr 18, 2019

Time Inc had pneumatic tubes connecting to typing ladies.

@TaylorLorenz Time Inc had pneumatic tubes connecting to typing ladies.
Apr 18, 2019

What person are we destroying, who are we destroying them...

@sippey @goldman What person are we destroying, who are we destroying them for, and how are we going to measure defeat?
Apr 17, 2019

NYC: I know we were going to talk but I gotta file these...

NYC: I know we were going to talk but I gotta file these briefs and the car alarms won't stop going off. (Drinks bottle of wine, one gulp). I'm gonna be at work til midnight. FML.

Philly: Cool I'm gonna roller blade down the street in the middle of the day looking great.
Apr 17, 2019

I think of Philly as NYCs cool weird aunt who dgaf and this...

I think of Philly as NYCs cool weird aunt who dgaf and this reinforced that a lot. twitter.com/...
Apr 17, 2019

I need help. Sales help. Coordination help. So much help....

I need help. Sales help. Coordination help. So much help. There's much inbound. Help me. Apply for the sales coordinator job. I am a respectful boss who has learned to firmly ask for what he needs. I also take feedback. We respect families. #open-positions" target="_blank" rel="noopener">https://postlight.com/careers#open-positions
Apr 17, 2019

Okay but it should just be "wow."

@redkeg Okay but it should just be "wow."
Apr 17, 2019

Me: “Section 1” Designers: “0000000001”

Me: “Section 1”

Designers: “0000000001”
Apr 16, 2019

Have you played the game of it, it's kind of fun.

@karenmcgrane Have you played the game of it, it's kind of fun.
Apr 16, 2019

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa https://twitter.com/ftrain/status/11181371...

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa twitter.com/...
Apr 16, 2019

Every essay is like making a new friend. The article where...

Every essay is like making a new friend. The article where the tree fell on the house, I'm pretty sure that happened to me now. I think I see the badger at the 7-11. No one else trusts their readers and writers this much.
Apr 16, 2019

I gave them lots of money don't @ me.

I gave them lots of money don't @ me.
Apr 16, 2019

*extremely Morrissey voice* I know I know it's serious

@aaronlammer *extremely Morrissey voice* I know I know it's serious
Apr 15, 2019

Dearest Umberto, I hope this email finds you still living...

Dearest Umberto, I hope this email finds you still living and that you or your heirs won't mind the intrusion on this very sad day, and I am sure that if you are alive you must be very busy, but I was wondering—again, only if corporeal—
Apr 15, 2019

So many op-ed and cultural editors trying to remember if...

So many op-ed and cultural editors trying to remember if Umberto Eco is still alive right now.
Apr 15, 2019

greg you are such a nerd

@Greg_Lindsay greg you are such a nerd
Apr 15, 2019

(I really like Powers too and he's more my speed.)

@Greg_Lindsay (I really like Powers too and he's more my speed.)
Apr 15, 2019

DFW wrote the BIG BOOK, was fully engaged with pop culture,...

@Greg_Lindsay DFW wrote the BIG BOOK, was fully engaged with pop culture, and had severe mental illness that killed him. I don't make the rules.
Apr 15, 2019

I mean...he has a MacArthur...but to your point he's kind...

@Greg_Lindsay I mean...he has a MacArthur...but to your point he's kind of on a techno-economic-realist island that got subsumed by poppier stuff that put its genre influence on its sleeve (Cloud Atlas) and always was just a few lines down from DeLillo in the Big List. The market is fickle.
Apr 14, 2019

document object model of finland

document object model of finland
Apr 14, 2019

https://twitter.com/ftrain/status/1117533975390707712/photo/...

Apr 14, 2019

actual picture of programmers programming...

actual picture of programmers programming twitter.com/...
Apr 13, 2019

It's over the top pretty in spots, which was so confusing...

@tressiemcphd It's over the top pretty in spots, which was so confusing because it's trash.
Apr 13, 2019

Every now and then it syncs up with reality.

@l_n0te Every now and then it syncs up with reality.
Apr 13, 2019

At some point Mayor Pete will yell at Senator Warren, “I...

At some point Mayor Pete will yell at Senator Warren, “I saved Latin. What did you ever do?”
Apr 13, 2019

The Democratic nomination race is like watching the first...

The Democratic nomination race is like watching the first five minutes of a Wes Anderson film where the camera keeps moving up and down and through walls to introduce the characters but it's slowed down to last a full year.
Apr 13, 2019

God you're such a Hermione.

@bn2b God you're such a Hermione.
Apr 13, 2019

The awful sense that there will be an incident.

@goldman @maureenflaherty The awful sense that there will be an incident.
Apr 12, 2019

this is a deeply blessed image

this is a deeply blessed image
Apr 12, 2019

Midtown is lava. https://twitter.com/kristoncapps/status/111...

Midtown is lava. twitter.com/...
Apr 12, 2019

I'm slightly lightheaded looking at this good sweetness.

@RachelFersh @toomuchnick I'm slightly lightheaded looking at this good sweetness.
Apr 12, 2019

I like to send them to our "vendor intake form." I also...

@mulegirl I like to send them to our "vendor intake form." I also write back with nonsense questions like "do you have any experience with CRM for salmon farming?" and mute the thread. It's sad that the entire world is a 411 scam right now.
Apr 11, 2019

“Plus, of course, your piece, if you can actually get it...

“Plus, of course, your piece, if you can actually get it done in time.” twitter.com/...
Apr 11, 2019

why yet yelled at by strangers all day it's demoralizing

@xxbobbyzxx why yet yelled at by strangers all day it's demoralizing
Apr 11, 2019

It's gone forever only to be found in our hearts.

@kliksf It's gone forever only to be found in our hearts.
Apr 11, 2019

When context collapses nothing can escape.

@phillydesign When context collapses nothing can escape.
Apr 11, 2019

Had to delete the nice tweet because it was going to be...

Had to delete the nice tweet because it was going to be popular.
Apr 11, 2019

Humans have their ups and downs but we can definitely turn...

Humans have their ups and downs but we can definitely turn a whole planet into a telescope.
Apr 10, 2019

Please for the love of all that is holy, do the brand...

Please for the love of all that is holy, do the brand first. postlight.com/...
Apr 10, 2019

I mean I bet you also drink coffee and think about dogs.

@nicksrockwell I mean I bet you also drink coffee and think about dogs.
Apr 10, 2019

But that's exactly it how often are we forced to just...

@nicksrockwell But that's exactly it how often are we forced to just contemplate the weird lives of others? You have a whole life, friends, family, and I just assume you're at the NYT barking orders like I SAID BRING UP 150 A1.4XLARGES WE HAVE HOT COLLUSION PDFS FRESH OUT THE OVEN.
Apr 10, 2019

It's fully stocked in my corner market, I am terrified of...

@elaorleans It's fully stocked in my corner market, I am terrified of having to pronounce it.
Apr 10, 2019

It is extremely bad news for our innocence.

It is extremely bad news for our innocence.
Apr 10, 2019

In an extremely unexpected and deeply unfortunate turn of...

In an extremely unexpected and deeply unfortunate turn of events the boys of summer are back in town.
Apr 10, 2019

Does Mark Knopfler have a favorite pierogi place? Or it...

Does Mark Knopfler have a favorite pierogi place? Or it more like, there is this amazing Azerbaijani restaurant on Długa. How many guitars does he bring? Has Danzig played Danzig?
Apr 10, 2019

I love how you'll dig something like Dire Straits up in...

I love how you'll dig something like Dire Straits up in Spotify and it will tell you that Mark Knopfler is playing in July in Gdánsk. It's perfectly irrelevant and I can think of nothing else. Do Poles freak out for Telegraph Road? Does the tour rider accept Żywiec?
Apr 10, 2019

Sure but when I saw that there were thousands I went hahaha...

@justinhendrix Sure but when I saw that there were thousands I went hahaha of course.
Apr 10, 2019

Lol of course Wednesday Wisdom is a thing. This platform.

Lol of course Wednesday Wisdom is a thing. This platform.
Apr 10, 2019

In my 20s I saw successful people in my orbit as fraudulent...

In my 20s I saw successful people in my orbit as fraudulent sellouts who didn't deserve their success. In my 40s those same people are as often as not...my friends. Just a little #WednesdayWisdom.
Apr 9, 2019

Lots of people coming but not a terrifying number so...

Lots of people coming but not a terrifying number so sliders for all! twitter.com/...
Apr 9, 2019

Whatever this thing is, it had a terrible adolescence....

Whatever this thing is, it had a terrible adolescence. twitter.com/...
Apr 9, 2019

But ... antennas. https://twitter.com/ftrain/status/11155993...

But ... antennas. twitter.com/...
Apr 9, 2019

This elf blessed my timeline yesterday and looks a...

This elf blessed my timeline yesterday and looks a little/dresses a lot like my wife, @maureenflaherty, so I sent the picture to her and said "Your ears look good in this photo," but now she wants to know where it's from, and you can't find anything on Twitter. Does anyone know? twitter.com/...
Apr 8, 2019

You gotta tip 20% or more.

You gotta tip 20% or more.
Apr 8, 2019

This is real nice. https://twitter.com/jeremyzilar/status/11...

This is real nice. twitter.com/...
Apr 8, 2019

If they made PralineToffee Amoretto you could order another...

If they made PralineToffee Amoretto you could order another case of it. twitter.com/...
Apr 8, 2019

Well then let's get coffee!

@moth Well then let's get coffee!
Apr 7, 2019

Tim it's been so long!

@moth Tim it's been so long!
Apr 7, 2019

We've been workshopping stationery-oriented jokes all...

We've been workshopping stationery-oriented jokes all weekend.

So far we have:

Q: What kind of party do a pen and pencil throw for a tape dispenser?

A: A supplies party!

Q: What do you call the exact moment when a little pen begins to cry?

A: The bawl point.
Apr 7, 2019

Roll'N'Roaster!

@mep Roll'N'Roaster!
Apr 6, 2019

Yep, that's me, the butter and jelly inside an...

@kevintwohy @libbybrittain @goldman Yep, that's me, the butter and jelly inside an Obama/Calvino toasted everything bagel.
Apr 6, 2019

My son just watched me use Twitter for a few minutes, and...

My son just watched me use Twitter for a few minutes, and finally he asked, "Is that endless?"
Apr 6, 2019

WONTFIX is a great title for a book on social media and...

@goldman WONTFIX is a great title for a book on social media and politics.
Apr 6, 2019

Democratic presidential candidates on Twitter is...

Democratic presidential candidates on Twitter is unbelievably bad. It's just pure hell discourse and worse, I see which friends liked what, and am becoming alienated from my peers in silence.
Apr 6, 2019

You can live outside and tend it.

@maureenflaherty You can live outside and tend it.
Apr 6, 2019

If it's on the porch fine. The last time you wanted it...

@maureenflaherty If it's on the porch fine. The last time you wanted it right by the sink.
Apr 5, 2019

these are game of thrones countries

@xxbobbyzxx these are game of thrones countries
Apr 4, 2019

People keep checking if I made this up but Infosys...

People keep checking if I made this up but Infosys absolutely bought Wongdoody and now Accenture owns Droga5. Maybe next Tata will buy Stink.
Apr 4, 2019

My childrens first words were infothith bawt womgootie

My childrens first words were infothith bawt womgootie
Apr 4, 2019

I will at any prompting at all yell out "Infosys bought...

I will at any prompting at all yell out "Infosys bought Wongdoody"
Apr 4, 2019

this is the wildest thing since Infosys bought Wongdoody...

this is the wildest thing since Infosys bought Wongdoody twitter.com/...
Apr 4, 2019

Now that I've seen Captain Marvel I want a ridiculous movie...

Now that I've seen Captain Marvel I want a ridiculous movie with Jude Law and Cate Blanchett as hot supercilious villains on a galactic Kree/Valhalla rampage. You could call it GATTACArol or...I won't do better than GATTACArol.
Apr 4, 2019

i was so absolutely fucking exhausted right then that i...

@theodoreross i was so absolutely fucking exhausted right then that i don't remember writing those pieces and when they come up on twitter i'm shocked by them
Apr 4, 2019

I'm trying hard to stop saying smushy bullshit like "do you...

I'm trying hard to stop saying smushy bullshit like "do you have that task?" when I'm talk/slacking with people who work with me, and instead just go "I want you to do that. What do you need to accomplish it and when can it get done?" and i suck at it. I am a soggy asker.
Apr 4, 2019

we have good fun facts. my fun fact was a 5-slide deck...

@jenniferdaniel we have good fun facts. my fun fact was a 5-slide deck about how i grew up doing children's puppetry.
Apr 4, 2019

nothing should be hitting the fan at night because then...

@troutgirl @seldo @darth nothing should be hitting the fan at night because then you'd DIE
Apr 4, 2019

Friends, @PostlightStudio keeps growing. I am responding to...

Friends, @PostlightStudio keeps growing. I am responding to lots of RFPs and juggling many leads. But I am not a TODO person and I need help. Would you like to be a SALES COORDINATOR and write proposals and go to meetings with me? postlight.com/...
Apr 4, 2019

Friends! Lots of folks are coming but we'd be glad to see...

Friends! Lots of folks are coming but we'd be glad to see you too—the “live podcast” is a half hour of fun talking and then we hang out and nerd around for a few hours until the head of HR plays CLOSING TIME by Semisonic. April 11 at 101 5th Ave at 6PM. meetup.com/...
Apr 4, 2019

happy birthday. I am glad we are friends.

@djacobs happy birthday. I am glad we are friends.
Apr 3, 2019

The names are so good. https://twitter.com/JamesAKAJim/statu...

The names are so good. twitter.com/...
Apr 3, 2019

If you add Justin Vernon to Bruce Hornsby you get Peter...

If you add Justin Vernon to Bruce Hornsby you get Peter Gabriel and listen it's not everyone's cup of tea but it's mine. twitter.com/...
Apr 3, 2019

I bought your book! On paper! This is important.

@kjhealy I bought your book! On paper! This is important.
Apr 3, 2019

That's comforting (it's a book about how the web changed...

@kjhealy That's comforting (it's a book about how the web changed culture and how code works).
Apr 3, 2019

It's about four years late.

@kjhealy It's about four years late.
Apr 3, 2019

Sandpaper is paper's dark, gritty reboot.

Sandpaper is paper's dark, gritty reboot.
Apr 3, 2019

That is excellent.

@gvsmith That is excellent.
Apr 3, 2019

Friends who need an extremely light API-powered...

Friends who need an extremely light API-powered CMS-in-the-cloud should check out Liftoff, an open source Labs experiment built on top of @airtable by @PostlightStudio engineer @fdsimms postlight.com/...
Apr 3, 2019

This piece is from 2017, but it's the only thing about...

This piece is from 2017, but it's the only thing about Brexit that ever made sense to me and I've been thinking about it since. prospectmagazine.co.uk/...
Apr 2, 2019

My little boy asked me for an orange corgi that he could...

My little boy asked me for an orange corgi that he could name Sunset.
Apr 2, 2019

Only fair if I can call collect.

@ChappellTracker Only fair if I can call collect.
Apr 2, 2019

I don't know if you enjoy reading ridiculous standards for...

@EmilyGorcenski I don't know if you enjoy reading ridiculous standards for entertainment, but the ICALENDAR spec is a special level of cultural-technological disaster mashup and one of my favorites.
Apr 2, 2019

It’s going to be sad when Twitter turns on dogs.

It’s going to be sad when Twitter turns on dogs.
Apr 1, 2019

My complaint. https://twitter.com/ftrain/status/111286807542...

My complaint. twitter.com/...
Apr 1, 2019

Some personal news I was just promoted to edgeduke.

Some personal news I was just promoted to edgeduke.
Apr 1, 2019

I am both and I EMBRACE it.

I am both and I EMBRACE it.
Apr 1, 2019

Today is the greatest day online, both a great day for...

Today is the greatest day online, both a great day for unfunny, self-congratulatory tech dorks and for exhausting, sanctimonious scolds of all sorts, on a platform almost perfectly designed to amplify your mutual unbearability.
Apr 1, 2019

I don't exactly know what she is supposed to be but...

I don't exactly know what she is supposed to be but obviously she's here to shame mankind.
Mar 31, 2019

He did a real good job. https://twitter.com/ftrain/status/11...

He did a real good job. twitter.com/...
Mar 31, 2019

True we should all WRITE that book.

@DeirdreS True we should all WRITE that book.
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