2002

177 Posts, 340 Links, 8 Publications

Post

St. Francis

By Paul Ford Dec 31 Post

A Sculpture of St. Francis Speaking to a Groundhog, in Santa Fe, New Mexico.

Essays

Obsessions: Looking It Up

By Paul Ford Nov 25 Essays

I love reference works, and prefer Ulysses Annotated, with its maps and descriptions of the popular music of Bloomsday Dublin, to Ulysses. At least a quarter of my books have headwords, and I would rather take The MacMillan Visual Dictionary to bed instead of a novel.

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Oyster Shucking Contest

By Paul Ford Oct 27

A few weeks ago I attended an oyster shucking contest by accident. The Borough President of Brooklyn, Marty Markowitz, was there.

Essays

The Opposite of Sex and the City

By Paul Ford Oct 20 Essays

I have never seen the program Sex and the City , but its images—particularly those of Sarah Jessica Parker (always all three names—the needless “Jessica” has cost us all gallons of ink and hundreds of column-inches), who plays Carrie Bradshaw, the show’s heroine—have been beamed into my mind from bus stops and subway ads, Ms. Parker looking serious and sexual and cityish in my direction, her every armpit hair waxed or shaved or plucked away.

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Boston Haymarket

By Paul Ford Sep 19 Post

Photo taken by a friend, because my hands were laden with bags and I could not reach the shutter. Later I took some pictures of the same scene, but this one was better.

Post

Hips

By Paul Ford Sep 18 Post

This last weekend I met a woman who was proud of her tattoo. I’m not sure how the French translates.

Essays

Where Are They Now?

By Paul Ford Sep 17 Essays

Davy, “Piano Man” Actually, it’s David Jenkins. “Still in the Navy and probably will be for life,” right?

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Pipes

By Paul Ford Sep 15 Post

On 34th St., I think, or right around there - a huge picture window, and there they are, the massive innards of some skyscraper or hotel.

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Verizon

By Paul Ford Sep 14 Post

They raised the rates to 50 cents, the bastards, and still half the calls don’t go through.

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Sky Corner

By Paul Ford Sep 12 Post

Always there, sliding into their destinations, or departing for greater heights.

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Barbecue

By Paul Ford Sep 12 Post

I have no grace in grilling. The beets fell into the fire, the oil on them flaring up, smoke everywhere.

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Small Engagements

By Paul Ford Sep 9

A ramble through the mind of the author, as I decide that I need not live in NYC forever.

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Fellow

By Paul Ford Sep 6 Post

This is a pal, at the Flaming Lips show in August. He’s a music critic, cool fellow.

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Artifacts

By Paul Ford Aug 29

A collection of visual and textual artifacts, intended to be updated daily.

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Cake

By Paul Ford Aug 25

Terrible things done with the human language.

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A Kick

By Paul Ford Aug 12 Post

My pal Bryan Atinsky gets his ribs bruised by a shithead policeman.

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Hydrochloric

By Paul Ford Aug 5 Post

Hey, I said, this bottle won’t - ah - what is it? 6 molar hydrochloric acid - won’t open.

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Weather Report

By Paul Ford Aug 4

Cognition has broken down. There is nothing to describe except warm pressure.

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Personal

By Paul Ford Jul 30 Post

“One of the blessed crowd.” Also, Yeatsian economics. An essay.

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The Top 10.25 Things Women (genders 1-2.5) Don’t Know About Men (genders 3-5)

By Paul Ford Jul 17 Post

Love Advice for Extraterrestrials, from the redoubtable but unquestionably masculine (in an extraterrestrial sort of way) Xortar Cheemchim, as published in Ranflax Planet 9’s most prominent women’s magazine (in Ranflaxian, the title of the magazine would be “grandmother(1.5)'s tri-shrimp puddin'” or “creem uk lanba lanba hroot,” but it’s a tonal language, so don’t even try or you’ll end up accusing someone of having a labia filled with cottonwood trees).

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Librarians and Tigers

By Paul Ford Jul 10

A hypothesis regarding portrayals of librarians, intermixed with images of tigers in libraries. A fiction, sort of.

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Lugging Things

By Paul Ford Jul 9

In which I become the most hated man in all of New York for a full minute.

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New Shoes for Ftrain

By Paul Ford Jun 26

This is an administrative notice about the design of this site, and you should ignore it unless you care about Reader Services or printing out sections of Ftrain.

Essays

News of a Ratproofing

By Paul Ford Jun 25 Essays

My neighbor wanted Joy Division. I needed something with some redemption, so we put on some Johnny Cash, Live at Folsom Prison, opened beers, lit up nasty-smelling cigars, and cursed our landlord.

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Manual

By Paul Ford May 23 Post

A collection of writing, created by a variety of folk, and pleasant to look upon, is released to the world in a digital format.

Essays

Heart of Greenness

By Paul Ford May 19 Essays

The Gowanus Canal runs through a small section of Southwest Brooklyn, passing a block from my apartment. It is a waterway of jokes, legendary for its funk and as a place to dump gangsters.

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Knot and String

By Paul Ford May 6

“Scott,” I said, as he walked across the threshold. “If I could only tell you - ” “Well, you know,” he said, “I have time to listen.

Essays

Visitors in Brooklyn

By Paul Ford Apr 15 Essays

I had dinner on 47th St. with a friend from high school, his sister Sandra, down from Alaska, and an ex-girlfriend I hadn’t seen in 10 years.

Essays

Catalogue of Bicycle Rides

By Paul Ford Apr 1 Essays

Prologue: Training I found a kid’s bike—a BMX, half-buried in snow—in front of our porch. I showed it to my brother, who took it to the basement.

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The Neighborhood

By Paul Ford Mar 2

In particular Brooklyn Heights, Cobble Hill, Carroll Gardens, Red Hook, and Prospect Park

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Bookstores

By Paul Ford Feb 25

Two bookstores on Court St. in Brooklyn, a dog, and a policeman’s beard.

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A Musical, and Political, Bird

By Paul Ford Feb 18 Post

He is, in addition to being a musician, a strident progressive, and has persistently encouraged the other birds to be more accepting of the pigeons, among whom he ranks many of his closest friends.

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Fragmented Year

By Paul Ford Feb 12 Post

I keep a file called messages on my computer that holds all my phone conversations, story ideas, quotes, and phone numbers. I add to it as the days go by, when I’m working. It’s over a year old, and 32,000 lines long. This is a collage made from bits of it.

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Game for Small Sounds

By Paul Ford Feb 11 Post

A piece I wrote with words of one sound each. No more, and of course no less (or else there’d be no sound at all).

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Heloise in Hell

By Scott Rahin Jan 14

The Emergency Wardrobe Alert, and how to cope. Good advice for fuck-ups like me, freely given. Learned from repeated and painful experiences. Including a recipe for fried socks.

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Prolog(ue)

By Paul Ford Jan 3

Scott and I head over to Boyd’s and see his 3-D theramin.

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A Monadic Soreness

By Scott Rahin Jan 1

I sat at the Science and Technology Library, typing on a borrowed laptop, the desire for a cigarette pervading all my humors.