2002

177 Posts, 340 Links, 8 Publications

Post

St. Francis

By Paul Ford Dec 31

A Sculpture of St. Francis Speaking to a Groundhog, in Santa Fe, New Mexico.

Essays

Obsessions: Looking It Up

By Paul Ford Nov 25 Essays

I love reference works, and prefer Ulysses Annotated, with its maps and descriptions of the popular music of Bloomsday Dublin, to Ulysses. At least a quarter of my books have headwords, and I would rather take The MacMillan Visual Dictionary to bed instead of a novel.

Post

Wal-Mart is Everything

By Paul Ford Nov 19

Selected responses from an online petition to Wal-Mart stores, urging them to continue selling handgun ammunition.

Post

Oyster Shucking Contest

By Paul Ford Oct 27

A few weeks ago I attended an oyster shucking contest by accident. The Borough President of Brooklyn, Marty Markowitz, was there.

Essays

The Opposite of Sex and the City

By Paul Ford Oct 20 Essays

I have never seen the program Sex and the City , but its images—particularly those of Sarah Jessica Parker (always all three names—the needless “Jessica” has cost us all gallons of ink and hundreds of column-inches), who plays Carrie Bradshaw, the show’s heroine—have been beamed into my mind from bus stops and subway ads, Ms. Parker looking serious and sexual and cityish in my direction, her every armpit hair waxed or shaved or plucked away.

Post

Boston Haymarket

By Paul Ford Sep 19

Photo taken by a friend, because my hands were laden with bags and I could not reach the shutter. Later I took some pictures of the same scene, but this one was better.

Post

Hips

By Paul Ford Sep 18

This last weekend I met a woman who was proud of her tattoo. I’m not sure how the French translates.

Essays

Where Are They Now?

By Paul Ford Sep 17 Essays

Davy, “Piano Man” Actually, it’s David Jenkins. “Still in the Navy and probably will be for life,” right?

Post

Pipes

By Paul Ford Sep 15

On 34th St., I think, or right around there - a huge picture window, and there they are, the massive innards of some skyscraper or hotel.

Post

Verizon

By Paul Ford Sep 14

They raised the rates to 50 cents, the bastards, and still half the calls don’t go through.

Post

Sky Corner

By Paul Ford Sep 12

Always there, sliding into their destinations, or departing for greater heights.

Post

Barbecue

By Paul Ford Sep 12

I have no grace in grilling. The beets fell into the fire, the oil on them flaring up, smoke everywhere.

Post

The Symmetry Project

By Paul Ford Sep 11

Two ancient sketches from Deluxe Paint, a drawing application for the Amiga with which I sorely miss playing.

Post

Small Engagements

By Paul Ford Sep 9

A ramble through the mind of the author, as I decide that I need not live in NYC forever.

Post

Fellow

By Paul Ford Sep 6

This is a pal, at the Flaming Lips show in August. He’s a music critic, cool fellow.

Post

The Tarsier Afroth

By Paul Ford Aug 30

A wonderful image received via email, provenance unknown, of one of nature’s stranger jokes.

Post

Artifacts

By Paul Ford Aug 29

A collection of visual and textual artifacts, intended to be updated daily.

Post

concert

By Paul Ford Aug 25

The Flaming Lips in Prospect Park, from Sunday night.

Post

Cake

By Paul Ford Aug 25

Terrible things done with the human language.

Post

A Kick

By Paul Ford Aug 12

My pal Bryan Atinsky gets his ribs bruised by a shithead policeman.

Post

Hydrochloric

By Paul Ford Aug 5

Hey, I said, this bottle won’t - ah - what is it? 6 molar hydrochloric acid - won’t open.

Post

Weather Report

By Paul Ford Aug 4

Cognition has broken down. There is nothing to describe except warm pressure.

Post

Personal

By Paul Ford Jul 30

“One of the blessed crowd.” Also, Yeatsian economics. An essay.

Post

Amusing Google Searches

By Paul Ford Jul 21

Amazing what people search for, when they set to searching. Written in protective police custody, address undisclosed.

Post

The Top 10.25 Things Women (genders 1-2.5) Don’t Know About Men (genders 3-5)

By Paul Ford Jul 17

Love Advice for Extraterrestrials, from the redoubtable but unquestionably masculine (in an extraterrestrial sort of way) Xortar Cheemchim, as published in Ranflax Planet 9’s most prominent women’s magazine (in Ranflaxian, the title of the magazine would be “grandmother(1.5)'s tri-shrimp puddin'” or “creem uk lanba lanba hroot,” but it’s a tonal language, so don’t even try or you’ll end up accusing someone of having a labia filled with cottonwood trees).

Post

Librarians and Tigers

By Paul Ford Jul 10

A hypothesis regarding portrayals of librarians, intermixed with images of tigers in libraries. A fiction, sort of.

Post

Lugging Things

By Paul Ford Jul 9

In which I become the most hated man in all of New York for a full minute.

Post

New Shoes for Ftrain

By Paul Ford Jun 26

This is an administrative notice about the design of this site, and you should ignore it unless you care about Reader Services or printing out sections of Ftrain.

Essays

News of a Ratproofing

By Paul Ford Jun 25 Essays

My neighbor wanted Joy Division. I needed something with some redemption, so we put on some Johnny Cash, Live at Folsom Prison, opened beers, lit up nasty-smelling cigars, and cursed our landlord.

Post

Afternoon of Albums

By Paul Ford Jun 13

Reflections on the music I listened to this afternoon, and the afternoon albums of two friends.

Post

Manual

By Paul Ford May 23

A collection of writing, created by a variety of folk, and pleasant to look upon, is released to the world in a digital format.

Essays

Heart of Greenness

By Paul Ford May 19 Essays

The Gowanus Canal runs through a small section of Southwest Brooklyn, passing a block from my apartment. It is a waterway of jokes, legendary for its funk and as a place to dump gangsters.

Post

Knot and String

By Paul Ford May 6

“Scott,” I said, as he walked across the threshold. “If I could only tell you - ” “Well, you know,” he said, “I have time to listen.

Essays

Visitors in Brooklyn

By Paul Ford Apr 15 Essays

I had dinner on 47th St. with a friend from high school, his sister Sandra, down from Alaska, and an ex-girlfriend I hadn’t seen in 10 years.

Essays

Catalogue of Bicycle Rides

By Paul Ford Apr 1 Essays

Prologue: Training I found a kid’s bike—a BMX, half-buried in snow—in front of our porch. I showed it to my brother, who took it to the basement.

Post

The Neighborhood

By Paul Ford Mar 2

In particular Brooklyn Heights, Cobble Hill, Carroll Gardens, Red Hook, and Prospect Park

Post

Bookstores

By Paul Ford Feb 25

Two bookstores on Court St. in Brooklyn, a dog, and a policeman’s beard.

Post

A Musical, and Political, Bird

By Paul Ford Feb 18

He is, in addition to being a musician, a strident progressive, and has persistently encouraged the other birds to be more accepting of the pigeons, among whom he ranks many of his closest friends.

Post

Fragmented Year

By Paul Ford Feb 12

I keep a file called messages on my computer that holds all my phone conversations, story ideas, quotes, and phone numbers. I add to it as the days go by, when I’m working. It’s over a year old, and 32,000 lines long. This is a collage made from bits of it.

Post

Game for Small Sounds

By Paul Ford Feb 11

A piece I wrote with words of one sound each. No more, and of course no less (or else there’d be no sound at all).

Post

Anticipated Essays

By Paul Ford Feb 3

An experiment, in which I write things over time, slowly, perhaps, eventually, the slowest writing ever.

Post

My Musical Career

By Paul Ford Jan 18

I wore opposing stripes. She wore a Tina Turner wig. Osgood glued my hair to his chest.

Post

Heloise in Hell

By Scott Rahin Jan 14

The Emergency Wardrobe Alert, and how to cope. Good advice for fuck-ups like me, freely given. Learned from repeated and painful experiences. Including a recipe for fried socks.

Post

Prolog(ue)

By Paul Ford Jan 3

Scott and I head over to Boyd’s and see his 3-D theramin.

Post

A Monadic Soreness

By Scott Rahin Jan 1

I sat at the Science and Technology Library, typing on a borrowed laptop, the desire for a cigarette pervading all my humors.