August 2018

Aug 31, 2018

You know I didn't sit on it.

@reppep You know I didn't sit on it.
Aug 31, 2018

20: 15+ 25: 40+ 30: 16 35: 6 40: 4 45: 2

@samarskaya 20: 15+
25: 40+
30: 16
35: 6
40: 4
45: 2
Aug 31, 2018

I'm inside a Cray!

I'm inside a Cray!
Aug 30, 2018

Blowed up real good.

@tmcgev Blowed up real good.
Aug 30, 2018

I just started to rewatch it and it's truly amazing. I pay...

@tmcgev I just started to rewatch it and it's truly amazing. I pay more attention to the sets than anything. It feels like this specific interval in culture and thought never got a name.
Aug 30, 2018

Also we were in our 20s 8 blocks wouldnt have even seemed...

@RickWebb @felixsalmon @harrisj Also we were in our 20s 8 blocks wouldnt have even seemed annoying
Aug 30, 2018

Remote lounge opened 2001 so they had a little more overlap

@RickWebb @felixsalmon @harrisj Remote lounge opened 2001 so they had a little more overlap
Aug 30, 2018

Brecht is cool but have you ever hung out naked for three...

@BuzzFeedBen @tmcgev Brecht is cool but have you ever hung out naked for three days in a field.
Aug 30, 2018

Was just subsumed. You got this ironic New Deal/labor/Jean...

@BuzzFeedBen @tmcgev Was just subsumed. You got this ironic New Deal/labor/Jean Shepherd Methodist east coast everyman thing going. And then a zillion boomers showed up with weed and guitars and clear skin and the Whole Earth Catalog.
Aug 30, 2018

Lehrer 10000% my mom knew them all by heart (my wife had...

@BuzzFeedBen @tmcgev Lehrer 10000% my mom knew them all by heart (my wife had him as a math teacher). Both parents poets so Larkin too popular. Kenneth Rexroth Chinese translations though.
Aug 30, 2018

Two events: annual TV airing of Wizard of Oz; annual TV...

@tmcgev Two events: annual TV airing of Wizard of Oz; annual TV airing of My Dinner with Andre.
Aug 30, 2018

This is me too--my parents were in this tiny cohort at the...

@tmcgev This is me too--my parents were in this tiny cohort at the tail end of the silent generation with pre-boomer college educated bohemian aesthetics. Brecht, Beckett, Jung, Fanny & Alexander, Zorba, Mann, Frankl, puppets, E.F. Schumacher, Perelandra/Screwtape Letters, Benj. Britten.
Aug 30, 2018

It was definitely a scene though.

@RickWebb It was definitely a scene though.
Aug 30, 2018

Right! Forgot the name. It wasn't a great bar.l

@RickWebb Right! Forgot the name. It wasn't a great bar.l
Aug 30, 2018

Do you remember the weird bar where everyone had a...

@RickWebb Do you remember the weird bar where everyone had a surveillance camera at the table?
Aug 30, 2018

I mean if ever there were an ideal environment in which to...

@RickWebb I mean if ever there were an ideal environment in which to watch Arto Lindsay and chat amiably about Paul Auster while all around you people were contributing to IronMinds...
Aug 30, 2018

I don't like to get too nostalgic but I do miss the days...

I don't like to get too nostalgic but I do miss the days when there were other industries besides my own.
Aug 30, 2018

I keep thinking that if this was 2000 four noise/klezmer...

I keep thinking that if this was 2000 four noise/klezmer bands called Jewtropolis would already have formed and booked shows at Tonic.
Aug 30, 2018

ulgh yeah this is just BRUTAL https://twitter.com/kentemerso...

ulgh yeah this is just BRUTAL twitter.com/...
Aug 30, 2018

To 6yo twins: Yes, we missed the bus, but we can walk to...

To 6yo twins: Yes, we missed the bus, but we can walk to camp and talk!

[Pause]

Son: Daddy, do the Yankees suck?

Me: Well that's compli—

Daughter: I know the n-word.

Me: Whoa, baby—that's not our word. We—[Pause]. Wait—[Kneeling]—whisper what it is.

Daughter: Mutants.
Aug 30, 2018

I didn't see this sweet message because I muted the word t...

@starsandrobots @rsnous I didn't see this sweet message because I muted the word t w e e t.
Aug 29, 2018

?

?
Aug 29, 2018

Yep! We will announce it in a couple days. Prob eve of...

@ChappellTracker Yep! We will announce it in a couple days. Prob eve of September 13.
Aug 29, 2018

Panels are bad, but our stuff aims more for "lively kickoff...

Panels are bad, but our stuff aims more for "lively kickoff conversation of a half hour followed by two hours of people hanging out having beers or soda and snacks and talking in friendly groups."
Aug 29, 2018

Chatty people doing practical things with machine learning....

Chatty people doing practical things with machine learning. That's what we need here.
Aug 29, 2018

We are gonna do a fun evening event/reception at work about...

We are gonna do a fun evening event/reception at work about how to build software in this new weird age of machine learning. I'm moderating. We have some great panelists but who else should we invite to the panel? (we give a nice honorarium and make it pleasant)
Aug 29, 2018

This article correctly identifies @ginatrapani's title as...

This article correctly identifies @ginatrapani's title as “honcho.” twitter.com/...
Aug 29, 2018

MAC: I have 8 processor cores and 16 GB of RAM, I am so...

MAC: I have 8 processor cores and 16 GB of RAM, I am so amazing right now.

ME: Show me a list of all my fonts in a dropdown menu.

MAC: You're a mean-spirited asshole.
Aug 29, 2018

WHAT DOES IT WANT?

@xarissaa WHAT DOES IT WANT?
Aug 29, 2018

I like to discuss this whenever people talk about how to...

@vboykis I like to discuss this whenever people talk about how to get The Youngs into computing. “On Park Ave today maybe a few billion dollars will be transacted based on Excel and MSWord.” Blank stares!
Aug 28, 2018

Oh wow I forgot about this entirely. it kind of stands up.

@jgriffiths @karenkho Oh wow I forgot about this entirely. it kind of stands up.
Aug 28, 2018

The only reason they used the vacuum is they ran out of...

The only reason they used the vacuum is they ran out of tiny zip ties.
Aug 28, 2018

Don't be fooled by NYPD PR, this was a sting operation....

Don't be fooled by NYPD PR, this was a sting operation. twitter.com/...
Aug 28, 2018

Ten ways to tell if your spouse is having an affair with...

Ten ways to tell if your spouse is having an affair with the intellectual dark web.
Aug 28, 2018

i guess amy winehouse just took all the air out of the...

@ItsTheBrandi i guess amy winehouse just took all the air out of the room. love me or hate me was such an earworm.
Aug 28, 2018

According to Star Wars is Bees theory you could make the...

@PJVogt According to Star Wars is Bees theory you could make the argument that since the queen was offworld the loss of the hive can be ameliorated; Leia just needs to molt a new brood. tor.com/...
Aug 28, 2018

You made a great decision even if America made a bad one.

@bmogilefsky You made a great decision even if America made a bad one.
Aug 27, 2018

Hell yes. Terrible baseball, wonderful popcorn.

@justinhendrix Hell yes. Terrible baseball, wonderful popcorn.
Aug 27, 2018

Ignore Michael I'm 100% certain little Iano will be a great...

@sippey @goldman Ignore Michael I'm 100% certain little Iano will be a great sleeper.
Aug 27, 2018

Good luck out there NYC. Everyone who makes it to Thursday...

Good luck out there NYC. Everyone who makes it to Thursday let's meet in Coney Island for popsicles.
Aug 27, 2018

All those ladies with grad degrees out there just trying to...

All those ladies with grad degrees out there just trying to move things along.
Aug 27, 2018

I hope all the relatively anonymous and underpaid imperfect...

I hope all the relatively anonymous and underpaid imperfect but hopeful government employees who are doing their best to deliver services to constituents in the middle of this shitshow know that we celebrate and respect your service.
Aug 27, 2018

Now I'm just a simple graphic designer, but—...

Now I'm just a simple graphic designer, but— twitter.com/...
Aug 27, 2018

Charts and graphs? In *my* humanities?...

Charts and graphs? In *my* humanities? crdh.rrchnm.org/...
Aug 25, 2018

It's sort of a wonderful eulogy every time. “We have shown...

It's sort of a wonderful eulogy every time. “We have shown you all the suffering. The girls are back at their house, the astronauts are buried, and the president is out of the hospital. Now it's time for Doritos and Knight Rider and commercials for Prell.”
Aug 25, 2018

“We now return to our regularly scheduled programming” is...

“We now return to our regularly scheduled programming” is the single phrase you need to understand to understand America. They should just make them the 28th amendment.
Aug 25, 2018

There's a video on here where it shows a very somber news...

There's a video on here where it shows a very somber news farewell to John McCain, then cuts back to the regularly scheduled programming, which is two obese men in dolphin masks engaging in erotic dolphin foreplay, and I just want to say: That's MY America.
Aug 25, 2018

catching exceptions means your bugs can have bugs

catching exceptions means your bugs can have bugs
Aug 25, 2018

This is very kind, thank you. (It also reminded me that it...

@krmaher This is very kind, thank you. (It also reminded me that it was time to set up that recurring monthly donation to WF—effective microtargeting.)
Aug 25, 2018

yeah but when those dolphins got together i really felt it

@tomcoates yeah but when those dolphins got together i really felt it
Aug 25, 2018

My son was nibbling on his thumb here on the bus and I just...

My son was nibbling on his thumb here on the bus and I just accidentally asked him to stop all the singer fucking.
Aug 24, 2018

it's obviously a sebastian

@GrantBarrett it's obviously a sebastian
Aug 24, 2018

i want a plugin that replaces everything online with...

i want a plugin that replaces everything online with pictures of this family nytimes.com/...
Aug 23, 2018

*extremely nyt voice* my bylines

*extremely nyt voice* my bylines
Aug 22, 2018

this is valuable, practical, and actionable. i will do as...

@jpotisch this is valuable, practical, and actionable. i will do as you suggest.
Aug 22, 2018

yeah it's weirdly better that they don't take us very...

@drunkenbee yeah it's weirdly better that they don't take us very seriously when we yell. "put on your shoes FOR THE LAST FREAKING TIME PLEASE GOD PUT THEM ON" is nbd. the only thing that makes them cry/get upset is real punishments/timeout for actual trash behavior, which is life.
Aug 22, 2018

Before they were born I promised myself I wouldn't yell. I...

@drunkenbee Before they were born I promised myself I wouldn't yell. I yell all the time. I also promised myself I wouldn't say LAUGHING ENDS UP IN CRYING like my dad. I have broken all the promises so terribly.
Aug 22, 2018

Their criticism is a gift that we use to learn, so that we...

@livlab Their criticism is a gift that we use to learn, so that we might, some day, truly learn how to make the oatmeal good.
Aug 22, 2018

I asked my kids this weekend if we yell too much and they...

I asked my kids this weekend if we yell too much and they said that we're about normal from what they've seen.
Aug 22, 2018

I would like to formally and publicly apologize to my...

I would like to formally and publicly apologize to my daughter for toasting her bagel so that it was too crunch. As she noted, now she will never have breakfast, and we will be late and miss the bus, and even if we had another bagel, she had already put the butter on this one.
Aug 22, 2018

Wow I've never actually had the experience of seeing a...

@amyhoy Wow I've never actually had the experience of seeing a house and going, I want to live there.
Aug 21, 2018

holy cats they rebranded LOC https://www.pentagram.com/work/...

holy cats they rebranded LOC pentagram.com/...
Aug 21, 2018

The next copywriter who writes a website module with the...

The next copywriter who writes a website module with the hed, “Did someone say agile?” (or whatever) gets a wedgie. No one said agile. No one even whispered agile. Stop pretending there's a conversation happening and you just showed up with your software as a service.
Aug 21, 2018

I love how Rob just drops “a heavy-duty telescope battery”...

@johnholdun @robdubbin I love how Rob just drops “a heavy-duty telescope battery” into the conversation like we wouldn't notice.
Aug 21, 2018

This is my inner dialogue far more than my external one.

This is my inner dialogue far more than my external one.
Aug 20, 2018

i call this composition “web dev 2018”...

i call this composition “web dev 2018” twitter.com/...
Aug 20, 2018

There's something so off about this picture. There's...

There's something so off about this picture. There's something deeply horrific and eldritch about the room and the darkness and the way that Jackie O and Joe K are positioned with JFK, and yet it's just a mundane family photo, except it's the freaking Kennedy family.
Aug 20, 2018

Two questions I can't get out of my head: Who will play...

Two questions I can't get out of my head: Who will play Boies in the Bad Blood movie and who will play Ronnell in the NYU movie?
Aug 19, 2018

whoa the video is a nuclear powered time capsule...

@annehelen whoa the video is a nuclear powered time capsule vimeo.com/...
Aug 19, 2018

There's kind of a lot. https://twitter.com/annewild_muc/stat...

There's kind of a lot. twitter.com/...
Aug 18, 2018

Here's the playlist we are collectively crafting...

Here's the playlist we are collectively crafting open.spotify.com/...
Aug 18, 2018

Nope—not that. Trump vs. Bernie + Holy Fuck. Live Comedy.

@JAdomian @kliksf Nope—not that. Trump vs. Bernie + Holy Fuck. Live Comedy.
Aug 18, 2018

any good standup albums on spotify lately? you can DM me if...

any good standup albums on spotify lately? you can DM me if you're ashamed of your taste in horrible dick jokes. i listen to everything.
Aug 18, 2018

It's 830 am and already I've received two mandatory apology...

It's 830 am and already I've received two mandatory apology letters for door slamming and “for hitting you in the face.” twitter.com/...
Aug 17, 2018

that commercial was the first time i began to question...

@kjhealy that commercial was the first time i began to question whether technology was very good
Aug 17, 2018

I've only skimmed it once and this is the single most...

I've only skimmed it once and this is the single most conveniently critique-able digitally-centric text I've ever come across. What fruit flies are to geneticists this thing is to an undergraduate humanities critique.
Aug 17, 2018

Me: Google show me ONE 15-minute video I can analyze for...

Me: Google show me ONE 15-minute video I can analyze for the pivotal chapter in my PhD thesis to demonstrate how technocapitalist futurism reinforces itself via post-colonial global narratives of gender, race, and class.

Google: Okay, I found that for you archive.org/...
Aug 16, 2018

Nah by then Toaster was six years in on Windows.

@jlax @waxpancake @textfiles Nah by then Toaster was six years in on Windows.
Aug 16, 2018

Did they play don't stop now

@silviakillings Did they play don't stop now
Aug 16, 2018

When things work out you no longer bother patrolling the...

When things work out you no longer bother patrolling the boundaries of your craft. When you see a writer talking about all the fake writers at the coffeeshop that's a lack of confidence. Successful writers don't have time for that. They're too busy trying to get health insurance.
Aug 16, 2018

In other news, it looks like they lost my MacArthur genius...

In other news, it looks like they lost my MacArthur genius grant in the mail AGAIN this year.
Aug 16, 2018

I'd argue that a big part of making it is when you start...

I'd argue that a big part of making it is when you start the understand the actual differences between the thing you pretend you are and the real thing. The only way you can do that is through a mix of cruel self-evaluation, steady practice, and humiliatingly specific fantasies.
Aug 16, 2018

I disagree with this cartoon. Go ahead and say you are...

I disagree with this cartoon. Go ahead and say you are whatever the hell you want to be. Everyone in the arts who isn't rich begins as a self-important dork with narcissistic fantasies of incredible success. Pretending is becoming too.
Aug 16, 2018

extremely my aesthetic https://twitter.com/ftrain/status/103...

extremely my aesthetic twitter.com/...
Aug 16, 2018

Imagine if SimCity had a Hot Coffee Mode....

Imagine if SimCity had a Hot Coffee Mode. twitter.com/...
Aug 16, 2018

the two pings you heard were my eyes rolling so hard they...

@ginatrapani the two pings you heard were my eyes rolling so hard they shot out of my skull and through the ceiling
Aug 16, 2018

the toes are really something

@mimismartypants the toes are really something
Aug 16, 2018

this is officially a peak, one billion congratulations

@karenkho this is officially a peak, one billion congratulations
Aug 15, 2018

No thank you!

@tiffani No thank you!
Aug 15, 2018

I just kicked in $250 because this thread made me all...

@tiffani I just kicked in $250 because this thread made me all angered.
Aug 15, 2018

UBI now stands for Unfortunate Bathroom Incident, sorry...

UBI now stands for Unfortunate Bathroom Incident, sorry economists.
Aug 15, 2018

New York City feels like the inside of a dog's mouth but on...

New York City feels like the inside of a dog's mouth but on the upside I saw a bearded dude walking down 6th ave wearing a black T-shirt that just said PANCAKES and vaping.
Aug 14, 2018

One of the best cures for night terrors is to wake the...

One of the best cures for night terrors is to wake the little girl up every hour before midnight and ask her nonsense questions, so tonight I put a flashlight on her, gave her a wet willy, and asked if owls play ukelele.
Aug 14, 2018

freshmeat was a plymouth prowler

freshmeat was a plymouth prowler
Aug 14, 2018

friends come with me to celebrate for it is @neuey's...

friends come with me to celebrate for it is @neuey's special day twitter.com/...
Aug 14, 2018

I read this and involuntarily started to grind my teeth.

@thomasfuchs I read this and involuntarily started to grind my teeth.
Aug 14, 2018

This dad is always here for a good sign typo. Partly...

This dad is always here for a good sign typo. Partly because I grew up near the Amish country and you've never imagined how many ways people who leave school after 8th grade can spell canteloupe.
Aug 14, 2018

This photo is nine years old now, and they fixed it a few...

This photo is nine years old now, and they fixed it a few days after, but I still think about what this bodega would be like if it hadn't been a typo. twitter.com/...
Aug 14, 2018

This is a constrcution company that does qualtiy work...

This is a constrcution company that does qualtiy work twitter.com/...
Aug 13, 2018

i...really am not being ironic. i think that's how they see...

@theodoreross @max_read i...really am not being ironic. i think that's how they see things. we need to build our own platforms because no one will save us.
Aug 13, 2018

If millennials come for Frank's Hot Sauce there will be...

If millennials come for Frank's Hot Sauce there will be hell to pay.
Aug 13, 2018

Brands are people in the same way Soylent Green is people.

Brands are people in the same way Soylent Green is people.
Aug 13, 2018

Zero revenue, constant bad PR, endless asking for favors,...

@max_read Zero revenue, constant bad PR, endless asking for favors, and a total misunderstanding of the true FB mission to create a new, just society of all world humans engaging with each other on one publicly-traded ad-powered platform.
Aug 13, 2018

Plus publishers insist on using their own utter shit...

@max_read Plus publishers insist on using their own utter shit platforms instead of just using FB like a self-respecting brand that cared about social would. They just treat FB like shit and deserve to be punished while they die of stupidity.
Aug 13, 2018

Facebook cares about brands and insofar as publishers are...

@max_read Facebook cares about brands and insofar as publishers are brands they are valuable, as are celebrity dogs and sneakers. But they don't pay money, actually ASK for money, while really great brands like Smithfield Hams deliver great engagement free.
Aug 12, 2018

he definitely was suffering

@PJVogt he definitely was suffering
Aug 12, 2018

i'm not complaining, I budget 12 hours a year for what I...

@PJVogt i'm not complaining, I budget 12 hours a year for what I call "the PJ hole"
Aug 12, 2018

wasn't this basically that weird thing that never aired...

@PJVogt wasn't this basically that weird thing that never aired where you had that poor dude go around asking everyone why your face is so punchable
Aug 12, 2018

Seems legit. https://twitter.com/ftrain/status/1028798189766...

Seems legit. twitter.com/...
Aug 12, 2018

sometimes you have let your pasta humor bake a little longer

sometimes you have let your pasta humor bake a little longer
Aug 12, 2018

oh for god's sake i've been thinking about this since 2013...

oh for god's sake i've been thinking about this since 2013 twitter.com/... twitter.com/...
Aug 12, 2018

This has been New Yorker Cartoon Backstories with Paul...

This has been New Yorker Cartoon Backstories with Paul Ford. Next up, the dog that actually ran a BBS and started one of the earliest dog-controlled ISPs on the Internet.
Aug 12, 2018

The fault is not in our starch but in ourselves.

The fault is not in our starch but in ourselves.
Aug 12, 2018

I'm not blaming Rigatoni. Rigatoni isn't pad pasta. But...

I'm not blaming Rigatoni. Rigatoni isn't pad pasta. But it's important to acknowledge the truth about pasta, which is what you imagine would be a very far fall is just as often a farfalle.
Aug 12, 2018

When Rigatoni gets the news it just becomes a story for him...

When Rigatoni gets the news it just becomes a story for him about the way things could have turned out. Gets a picture of all the pasta friends by some Connecticut lake house. But Fusilli deserves more than to be a cautionary tale. Fusilli wasn't good pasta but he was pasta.
Aug 12, 2018

When he called his friend Rigatoni he was actually...

When he called his friend Rigatoni he was actually splitting up with Spaghetti and needed any kind hand. He was hoping Rigatoni would help him find some freelance work. The crazy bastard conversation ended hours later, but Rigatoni never sent that next email.
Aug 12, 2018

Eventually he gets a job in the in-house ad agency at the...

Eventually he gets a job in the in-house ad agency at the family's giant Pasta Insurance Company, and married Spaghetti, which everyone thought was a huge step down. Self-medicated with white wine sauce. Firm got sold in the early 90s and he lost his job.
Aug 12, 2018

I have a mental canon of that crazy bastard Fusilli who was...

I have a mental canon of that crazy bastard Fusilli who was a HILARIOUS Pasta Yale student '73 who wrote great sketches for the Pasta Record/kept sending little pieces to his friends as they rose through the ranks at glossies, but undiagnosed bipolar kept catching up with him.
Aug 12, 2018

this is all i could think about on the plane coming back...

this is all i could think about on the plane coming back from vacation twitter.com/...
Aug 11, 2018

I still really live this/think about this all the time.

@kleinmatic I still really live this/think about this all the time.
Aug 10, 2018

Let me tell you youngs something. You teens think you...

Let me tell you youngs something. You teens think you INVENTED—(consults list of 2018-era teen things)—...oh my God. Jesus Christ. What in the HELL.
Aug 10, 2018

We had to destroy the commons in order to save it....

We had to destroy the commons in order to save it. twitter.com/...
Aug 9, 2018

sometimes...it feels that way

@nicksrockwell sometimes...it feels that way
Aug 9, 2018

whoops broke my own rule and tweeted about the nyt, back to...

whoops broke my own rule and tweeted about the nyt, back to auto-shitposting dumb memes from six years ago
Aug 7, 2018

coincidentally that's where that image came from—see...

@brianvan coincidentally that's where that image came from—see en.wikipedia.org/... I think it's reductive but real. text allows for a density and clarity that visual “languages” just don't
Aug 7, 2018

did the wikipedia editor for visual programming...

did the wikipedia editor for visual programming languages...murder someone twitter.com/...
Aug 7, 2018

First of all, when we talk about American history without...

First of all, when we talk about American history without contextualizing the fact of AT&T's monopoly we are participating in a fallacy. It's no coincidence that American identity began to self-destruct in 1984, at the same time that a single monopolistic network was dismantled.
Aug 7, 2018

“This is completely over the top,” I laughed, “there's a...

“This is completely over the top,” I laughed, “there's a special three-bottle Jaegermeister dispenser here in this lake house.” But then 8:30pm rolled around. Anyway I hope you all like TH ET RU TH.
Aug 7, 2018

Where am I? https://twitter.com/ftrain/status/10269928523357...

Where am I? twitter.com/...
Aug 6, 2018

Does anyone know what this is? All anyone knows is that...

Does anyone know what this is? All anyone knows is that it's an "antique" and came from Chicago. twitter.com/...
Aug 6, 2018

They did until I unfollowed them all.

@grok_ @sixfoot6 They did until I unfollowed them all.
Aug 6, 2018

I'm sorry I'm sorry it was pretty good.

@patbits I'm sorry I'm sorry it was pretty good.
Aug 6, 2018

This is so joyful. https://twitter.com/rsnous/status/1026535...

This is so joyful. twitter.com/...
Aug 3, 2018

Oh whoops this is from 2017. But the siren is even louder.

Oh whoops this is from 2017. But the siren is even louder.
Aug 3, 2018

rick-webb-takes-apart-online-advertising-economics-siren.gif...

rick-webb-takes-apart-online-advertising-economics-siren.gif medium.com/...
Aug 3, 2018

Song to the Siren, This Mortal Coil

@joshgreenman Song to the Siren, This Mortal Coil
Aug 2, 2018

Will you build...or will you buy. God help us all in either...

Will you build...or will you buy. God help us all in either case. trackchanges.postlight.com/...
Aug 1, 2018

did you know bitcoin people like to snugly squeeze together...

@bn2b did you know bitcoin people like to snugly squeeze together on a small couch called their economy-ruining small couch
Aug 1, 2018

But...you're implicated.

@neuey But...you're implicated.
Aug 1, 2018

Christa why

@neuey Christa why
Aug 1, 2018

Friends I know it's a clock I am 43 years old.

Friends I know it's a clock I am 43 years old.
Aug 1, 2018

Yeah she finished the popsicle.

@johnjcook Yeah she finished the popsicle.
Aug 1, 2018

Daughter: What has two hands and no legs? Me: I don't...

Daughter: What has two hands and no legs?
Me: I don't know.
Daughter: I can't tell you until I've eaten the whole thing.
(I look up in horror, then realize she's reading a joke off a popsicle stick and not done eating it yet.)
Aug 1, 2018

It's like I always say, if Khaleesi hadn't walked into that...

It's like I always say, if Khaleesi hadn't walked into that fire she'd never have her dragons. twitter.com/...
Aug 1, 2018

ABSOLUTELY HELL YES LET'S DO THIS....

ABSOLUTELY HELL YES LET'S DO THIS. twitter.com/...
Aug 1, 2018

a cooperative muting service would be such a gift!

@vboykis a cooperative muting service would be such a gift!
Aug 1, 2018

I can see people are replying to this but I've muted so...

I can see people are replying to this but I've muted so many related words I can't see your tweets. I'm sorry, I hope you are doing great, maybe we can discuss it in person sometime.
Aug 1, 2018

Stop! It is a terrible waste of your time and energy! Don't...

Stop! It is a terrible waste of your time and energy! Don't fall for it, don't retweet it! We know it's bad! But no matter how many words you mute, the tweets roll through.
Aug 1, 2018

Desperately trying to avoid all discussion of Elon Musk on...

Desperately trying to avoid all discussion of Elon Musk on Twitter has taught me what it must be like for others when we talk about the New York Times here.
Jul 31, 2018

No no I'm just thinking about boulders

@gob No no I'm just thinking about boulders
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