Ftrain, by Paul Ford

April 2015

Apr 30, 2015

I think people are saying hey I won't make this worse but...

@gregorg I think people are saying hey I won't make this worse but cool that you see it.
➛
Apr 30, 2015

ulgh I can't drink otherwise I'd be at flatiron lounge...

@arainert @jkottke ulgh I can't drink otherwise I'd be at flatiron lounge right now
➛
Apr 30, 2015

glad you are here joel

@joeljohnson glad you are here joel
➛
Apr 30, 2015

can I make them from tears

@bn2b can I make them from tears
➛
Apr 30, 2015

yes but our culture is homophobic and blowjob/rock bottom...

@mishellbaker yes but our culture is homophobic and blowjob/rock bottom associations are real
➛
Apr 30, 2015

I can't eat anything until 2018

@bn2b I can't eat anything until 2018
➛
Apr 30, 2015

I came here to joke about about my lifelong compulsive...

I came here to joke about about my lifelong compulsive addiction to food and ended up being kind of homophobic so I guess I'm on Twitter.
➛
Apr 30, 2015

tacos are delicious

@bn2b tacos are delicious
➛
Apr 30, 2015

hard. It was a dark time.

@karenmcgrane hard. It was a dark time.
➛
Apr 30, 2015

Guys don't white knight me here I shouldn't have implied...

Guys don't white knight me here I shouldn't have implied that hitting taco bottom has anything to do with blowjobs and I'm sorry.
➛
Apr 30, 2015

lol den's point is fair let's not pull him into this...

@kenschafer @DenMcH lol den's point is fair let's not pull him into this foolishness
➛
Apr 30, 2015

I call eating a chicken parm riding the red dragon.

I call eating a chicken parm riding the red dragon.
➛
Apr 30, 2015

I mean that's more of an opportunistic hobo thing than...

I mean that's more of an opportunistic hobo thing than anything gay per se but I guess I should stop digging this grave.
➛
Apr 30, 2015

I can totally see why Den feels that way but the thing is I...

I can totally see why Den feels that way but the thing is I am completely fine with everyone I America thinking I blew a dude for tacos.
➛
Apr 30, 2015

And tacos are abundant and low value.

And tacos are abundant and low value.
➛
Apr 30, 2015

Being addicted to food means everyone is like “watch those...

Being addicted to food means everyone is like “watch those carbs!” and you don't want to tell them that in 2004 you sucked a dick for tacos.
➛
Apr 30, 2015

let's jog to the bar

let's jog to the bar
➛
Apr 30, 2015

does anyone want to go someplace really dark and get like...

does anyone want to go someplace really dark and get like nine cocktails
➛
Apr 30, 2015

My doctor lives in my neighborhood, eight miles from...

My doctor lives in my neighborhood, eight miles from Manhattan, and we talked about transit and he said, “I ran here.”
➛
Apr 30, 2015

I went to the doctor. The bad news is I gained back all the...

I went to the doctor. The bad news is I gained back all the weight I lost. The good news is I did it safely, one pound a week.
➛
Apr 30, 2015

Fairy tales help kids understand how complex the real world...

Fairy tales help kids understand how complex the real world can be. That's why this week we've been reading Jack and the Steel Beamstalk.
➛
Apr 30, 2015

But wait, are THEY reading?

@john_overholt But wait, are THEY reading?
➛
Apr 30, 2015

we could stop calling them dick pics and start calling it...

we could stop calling them dick pics and start calling it erexting
➛
Apr 30, 2015

Pexting is sending pictures of your pet's genitals to your...

Pexting is sending pictures of your pet's genitals to your friends, which is no fun. But the one that bothers me is pooxting.
➛
Apr 30, 2015

You're all getting frexts.

You're all getting frexts.
➛
Apr 30, 2015

Just kidding—I would never attend guilt-management therapy...

Just kidding—I would never attend guilt-management therapy because that would take a spot away from someone who actually deserves happiness.
➛
Apr 30, 2015

I'm fifteen minutes late for my guilt-management therapy. I...

I'm fifteen minutes late for my guilt-management therapy. I don't know how to feel about that.
➛
Apr 30, 2015

three to five seconds

@patbits three to five seconds
➛
Apr 30, 2015

The problem of declining church attendance means less money...

The problem of declining church attendance means less money in the collection plate. That's why the future of faith is microprayments.
➛
Apr 29, 2015

i prefer “area man”

@negatendo i prefer “area man”
➛
Apr 29, 2015

as long as they use the right mimetype we can work it out

@jacqui @jeremytarling as long as they use the right mimetype we can work it out
➛
Apr 29, 2015

i'm a full person ted

@knowtheory i'm a full person ted
➛
Apr 29, 2015

My new band doesn't actually play any songs we just publish...

My new band doesn't actually play any songs we just publish track listings we're DubCore.
➛
Apr 29, 2015

I know I live in the future because human behavior is...

I know I live in the future because human behavior is exactly the same.
➛
Apr 29, 2015

Also I did this big [paid!] advertorial thing for GE which...

Also I did this big [paid!] advertorial thing for GE which was about delivery networks with self-driving cars medium.com/...
➛
Apr 29, 2015

nah it's too boring, it's just two Ses, no beaks

@jonmcramer nah it's too boring, it's just two Ses, no beaks
➛
Apr 29, 2015

“The Apple Watch is a Watch.” by @jomc...

“The Apple Watch is a Watch.” by @jomc medium.com/...
➛
Apr 29, 2015

have you considered topic maps?

@karenmcgrane have you considered topic maps?
➛
Apr 29, 2015

Right, I mean one day, maybe we'll get the programming...

@hunter_owens Right, I mean one day, maybe we'll get the programming environment that lets you just stay in the spreadsheet forever.
➛
Apr 29, 2015

There are lots of people who like, graduated from...

There are lots of people who like, graduated from WordPerfect macros to web development.
➛
Apr 29, 2015

That's true. I was always a nerd but didn't start actual...

That's true. I was always a nerd but didn't start actual programming until I was 22; figured I was just too dumb. Got much better in my 30s.
➛
Apr 29, 2015

this is great paragraphs are IN THE AIR

@egabbert this is great paragraphs are IN THE AIR
➛
Apr 29, 2015

thank you but it's like hell for the people around me...

@amyhoy thank you but it's like hell for the people around me because it never stops
➛
Apr 29, 2015

We would prefer if you stopped.

@RellyAB We would prefer if you stopped.
➛
Apr 29, 2015

The name of the woman who tamed the crows and wrote the...

The name of the woman who tamed the crows and wrote the first paragraph was left out by the man who wrote the second paragraph.
➛
Apr 29, 2015

All of western literature was originally designed to be fed...

All of western literature was originally designed to be fed to crows, who would carry the words to the gods. This was known as orthomancy.
➛
Apr 29, 2015

I mean but when you're living the life it is actually handy...

@WhatTheBit I mean but when you're living the life it is actually handy to have the abbreviation.
➛
Apr 29, 2015

In fact, the ¶ symbol is a crow's beak turned 90 degrees...

In fact, the ¶ symbol is a crow's beak turned 90 degrees counter-clockwise. Bet you didn't know that, but you're not a paragraph expert.
➛
Apr 29, 2015

In fact, the ¶ symbol is a crow's beak turned 90...

In fact, the ¶ symbol is a crow's beak turned 90 counter-clockwise. Bet you didn't know that, but you're not a paragraph expert.
➛
Apr 29, 2015

The word pilcrow (“¶”) exists because paragraphs were...

The word pilcrow (“¶”) exists because paragraphs were originally created to be fed to crows for magical purposes, thus must be kept brief.
➛
Apr 29, 2015

People often wonder, when is the best time to stop one...

People often wonder, when is the best time to stop one paragraph and start another? The answer is 1:35PM EST.
➛
Apr 29, 2015

I've been working on my paragraphs for 30 years and...

I've been working on my paragraphs for 30 years and consider myself something of a paragraph expert.
➛
Apr 29, 2015

oh god you're totally right i've been overthinking this so...

@mishellbaker oh god you're totally right i've been overthinking this so badly
➛
Apr 29, 2015

that one was just for me

that one was just for me
➛
Apr 29, 2015

[Rhymes “blockchain” with “champagne.”] [Throws Ducati...

[Rhymes “blockchain” with “champagne.”] [Throws Ducati laptop in ice bucket.] “Goddammit, I'll never be the Seidel of the Internet.”
➛
Apr 29, 2015

andrew pandoc is so good it translates markdown and html...

@bn2b andrew pandoc is so good it translates markdown and html into word docs AND VICE VERSA
➛
Apr 29, 2015

it's so good you hardly notice it. it's not just good it's...

@jackrusher it's so good you hardly notice it. it's not just good it's modest.
➛
Apr 29, 2015

word nerd note: pandoc does a very serviceable job going...

word nerd note: pandoc does a very serviceable job going out of MSWord outline mode into org-mode
➛
Apr 29, 2015

“And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see...

“And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the tweet has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
➛
Apr 29, 2015

“I must not tweet. Tweets are the mind-killer. Twitter is...

“I must not tweet. Tweets are the mind-killer. Twitter is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my thirst.”
➛
Apr 28, 2015

this conversation is a runaway train

@senatorjohn this conversation is a runaway train
➛
Apr 28, 2015

don't dude don't dddasdgjklndfgshkl placenta falls to the...

@senatorjohn don't dude don't dddasdgjklndfgshkl placenta falls to the floor the angel opens her eyes
➛
Apr 28, 2015

when a system is dominated by bald men that's pateriarchy

when a system is dominated by bald men that's pateriarchy
➛
Apr 28, 2015

i'm listening to ben folds now you can't handle me

@maureenflaherty i'm listening to ben folds now you can't handle me
➛
Apr 28, 2015

well i'm sure that brick by ben fol—oh shit why did you do...

@senatorjohn well i'm sure that brick by ben fol—oh shit why did you do this
➛
Apr 28, 2015

oh hey iris was a really good song i'm going to bring that...

@senatorjohn oh hey iris was a really good song i'm going to bring that up on Spotify OH GODDAMMIT
➛
Apr 28, 2015

soaring harmony attenuation is a major problem in pop music...

soaring harmony attenuation is a major problem in pop music when even the best harmony can only soar uncovered/unremixed for max 18 months
➛
Apr 28, 2015

hmmm these harmonies don't soar quite as much in 2015 as...

hmmm these harmonies don't soar quite as much in 2015 as they did in 1991
➛
Apr 28, 2015

what is the loudest i can listen to this toad the wet...

what is the loudest i can listen to this toad the wet sprocket song without my wife hearing from the other room and cruelly mocking me
➛
Apr 28, 2015

“As for Hogan’s claim that he was attracted to her, that...

“As for Hogan’s claim that he was attracted to her, that seems to have been a figment of her imagination.” —buzzfeed.com/...
➛
Apr 28, 2015

You'd be shocked if you knew how many Bay Area men suffer...

You'd be shocked if you knew how many Bay Area men suffer from early earnings release.
➛
Apr 28, 2015

They tried but they can't include it until someone accounts...

@john_overholt They tried but they can't include it until someone accounts for the missing eleven days.
➛
Apr 28, 2015

It catalogs pornography.

@richziade It catalogs pornography.
➛
Apr 28, 2015

question...when...do checks come...so tired from...

@marklotto question...when...do checks come...so tired from typing...sir
➛
Apr 28, 2015

rent-seeking is literally in his blood, and presumably is...

@jackrusher rent-seeking is literally in his blood, and presumably is raising a new generation!
➛
Apr 28, 2015

Why choose? Throw in Bali, and it's $1,600/month....

@Choire Why choose? Throw in Bali, and it's $1,600/month. thecaravanserai.co
➛
Apr 28, 2015

god this world, and...taxi medallions

@kovnot god this world, and...taxi medallions
➛
Apr 28, 2015

like, imagine the contracts involved in this event, an exec...

@kovnot like, imagine the contracts involved in this event, an exec assistant with a big binder of contracts. I'd pay $100 for a copy.
➛
Apr 28, 2015

i wonder if the instagram shot was part of the deal and if...

@kovnot i wonder if the instagram shot was part of the deal and if so where is that contract.
➛
Apr 28, 2015

i've been thinking about that all morning. my guess is that...

@kovnot i've been thinking about that all morning. my guess is that she was informed of the "CHOICE" theme and made it her own.
➛
Apr 28, 2015

i'm hoping to god that our fine tabloid press is working on...

@kovnot i'm hoping to god that our fine tabloid press is working on getting a copy of that video
➛
Apr 28, 2015

wait wait the part about the video with Costas is even...

@kovnot wait wait the part about the video with Costas is even better than the Nicki Minaj part
➛
Apr 28, 2015

well it's clearly PR but VERY revealing PR

@kovnot well it's clearly PR but VERY revealing PR
➛
Apr 28, 2015

oh man that one is up for renewal

@orchid8 oh man that one is up for renewal
➛
Apr 28, 2015

The Taxi industry is caught between this medallion mogul,...

The Taxi industry is caught between this medallion mogul, who threw the Nicki Minaj bar mitzvah, and Uber. en.wikipedia.org/...
➛
Apr 27, 2015

It is, I'm just completely obliterated with writing...

@kerrizor It is, I'm just completely obliterated with writing pressure. It needs basically one full day of rewrite and config, but...oof.
➛
Apr 27, 2015

So @kjhealy took me to CLUSTER SCHOOL with my VERY...

So @kjhealy took me to CLUSTER SCHOOL with my VERY IMPORTANT peen/vag data set @kjhealy/for-added-perfection-you-could-cluster-that-last-figure-b907c2d2e4b?source=tw-168dab556633-1430183468262" target="_blank" rel="noopener">https://medium.com/@kjhealy/for-added-perfection-you-could-cluster-that-last-figure-b907c2d2e4b?source=tw-168dab556633-1430183468262
➛
Apr 27, 2015

HOW many impressions? Fuck it, get me a type specimen book...

HOW many impressions? Fuck it, get me a type specimen book and a French 75, and don't open the door even if I scream. townandcountrymag.com/...
➛
Apr 27, 2015

This is the Unicode unicorn. I know you see an old horse...

This is the Unicode unicorn. I know you see an old horse with an empty box on its head—but trust me, it is glorious.
➛
Apr 27, 2015

lol i did that right after retweeting myself

@TimCushing lol i did that right after retweeting myself
➛
Apr 27, 2015

retweets are not endorsements

retweets are not endorsements
➛
Apr 27, 2015

I went to disrupt the middleman, but when I had built my...

I went to disrupt the middleman, but when I had built my app and beheld my traffic, it turned out that all along the middleman was me.
➛
Apr 27, 2015

Wellll...hand-checking it...basically because the ratio is...

@zeynep Wellll...hand-checking it...basically because the ratio is like 11::2 because it doesn't seem to actually be searched by Bing.
➛
Apr 27, 2015

we're all just finding our way together

@duncan__russell we're all just finding our way together
➛
Apr 27, 2015

“I would put my hands on your shoulders and say, ‘Every...

“I would put my hands on your shoulders and say, ‘Every sample size is meaningful.” —medium.com/...
➛
Apr 27, 2015

They vary a lot, from spot-checking. I think this way is...

@debgalant They vary a lot, from spot-checking. I think this way is only good for sort of gut-check “I wonder” stuff on very common terms.
➛
Apr 27, 2015

Oh there are ways to do it and you can get scholarly...

@debgalant Oh there are ways to do it and you can get scholarly access, etc. It's just not casual.
➛
Apr 27, 2015

They're just playing games with us.

@Choire They're just playing games with us.
➛
Apr 27, 2015

I should stick to soft subjects like LISP.

@andycairns I should stick to soft subjects like LISP.
➛
Apr 27, 2015

No that would be mere tokenism SORRY SEARCH ENGINE PUN....

@andycairns No that would be mere tokenism SORRY SEARCH ENGINE PUN. Also frankly my pun was inaccurate, tokenization is why this works.
➛
Apr 27, 2015

I tried but I don't know how to cluster in Excel and there...

@kjhealy I tried but I don't know how to cluster in Excel and there are limits.
➛
Apr 27, 2015

Hi it's Monday let me break down the ratio of the word...

Hi it's Monday let me break down the ratio of the word penis to vagina in the media using suspicious Bing results medium.com/...
➛
Apr 27, 2015

I just published “The Words the Media Industry Prefers”...

I just published “The Words the Media Industry Prefers” medium.com/...
➛
Apr 26, 2015

Why can't science breed a cat that can close the doors it...

Why can't science breed a cat that can close the doors it opens?
➛
Apr 26, 2015

This is cool: http://www.bloomberg.com/graphics/2015-pace-of...

This is cool: bloomberg.com/...
➛
Apr 26, 2015

You can ask anyone to marry you, but it costs real money to...

You can ask anyone to marry you, but it costs real money to be Authentically Engaged.
➛
Apr 26, 2015

This insane circumlocutory statement is how Facebook said...

This insane circumlocutory statement is how Facebook said “we ban fake accounts.” newrepublic.com/... twitter.com/...
➛
Apr 26, 2015

this article on facebook account scamming has tons of crazy...

this article on facebook account scamming has tons of crazy details [stacks of sim cards!] newrepublic.com/...
➛
Apr 26, 2015

it's like 1,000 pages i keep promising myself i'll buy it

@mathowie @rustyk5 it's like 1,000 pages i keep promising myself i'll buy it
➛
Apr 26, 2015

also i sort of love being the dude who talks about...

@rustyk5 @mathowie also i sort of love being the dude who talks about character encodings on twitter, it's MAX EXCRUCIATE
➛
Apr 26, 2015

sometimes the bug is not in the content management system...

@rustyk5 @mathowie sometimes the bug is not in the content management system but in the culture that created it
➛
Apr 26, 2015

everything is working fine the font in the URL bar has more...

@rustyk5 @mathowie everything is working fine the font in the URL bar has more glyphs and the Medium hed font uses the standard fallback
➛
Apr 26, 2015

my actual emcee name is notorious chebeague

@rustyk5 my actual emcee name is notorious chebeague
➛
Apr 26, 2015

my emcee name is mackworth

@rustyk5 my emcee name is mackworth
➛
Apr 26, 2015

if you had a rap battle in a kayak off of portland would it...

@rustyk5 if you had a rap battle in a kayak off of portland would it be all rap or halfway rock?
➛
Apr 26, 2015

if digital journalists were lgbt competent the web would be...

@erikhinton @kevinroose @Choire if digital journalists were lgbt competent the web would be so cool
➛
Apr 24, 2015

If you want to call yourself a brogrammer you need to show...

If you want to call yourself a brogrammer you need to show mastery of guynary arithmetic.
➛
Apr 24, 2015

which is fine because Boys || Men still evaluates as true

@anildash which is fine because Boys || Men still evaluates as true
➛
Apr 24, 2015

I'm such a nerd that I just read Soul II Soul as a boolean...

I'm such a nerd that I just read Soul II Soul as a boolean operation.
➛
Apr 24, 2015

Also the camera moves and you see a pigeon and we are...

Also the camera moves and you see a pigeon and we are supposed to believe Roy Batty died? Next you will tell me your owl is real.
➛
Apr 24, 2015

then obviously the whole thing was staged

@joshuatopolsky then obviously the whole thing was staged
➛
Apr 24, 2015

I mean who exactly sets those fires too? You're telling me...

@kleinmatic I mean who exactly sets those fires too? You're telling me they don't have fire suppressant as spaceships?
➛
Apr 24, 2015

They want you to believe you are a replicant so that they...

They want you to believe you are a replicant so that they can control you.
➛
Apr 24, 2015

The end of Blade Runner is cool until you remember that...

The end of Blade Runner is cool until you remember that c-beams don't glitter.
➛
Apr 24, 2015

I asked you not to drink from my kir royale

@leahfinnegan I asked you not to drink from my kir royale
➛
Apr 24, 2015

My mind says June but my body says October.

My mind says June but my body says October.
➛
Apr 24, 2015

This brand won't build itself.

This brand won't build itself.
➛
Apr 24, 2015

deadline is monday dude

@theodoreross deadline is monday dude
➛
Apr 24, 2015

i mean it's totally possible that the 47,510 vagina...

i mean it's totally possible that the 47,510 vagina articles were deleted
➛
Apr 24, 2015

Seriously deleted articles aside there is no other news org...

Seriously deleted articles aside there is no other news org that can make something this amazing buzzfeed.com/...
➛
Apr 24, 2015

I love this article about Disney princes...

I love this article about Disney princes buzzfeed.com/...
➛
Apr 24, 2015

if you google BuzzFeed for penis it returns 56,100 results...

if you google BuzzFeed for penis it returns 56,100 results but only 8,590 for vagina, which is a 47,510 article difference.
➛
Apr 24, 2015

what about embedding https://twitter.com/amanicdroid/status/...

what about embedding twitter.com/...
➛
Apr 24, 2015

Fav if you like to perform loyalty, RT if you like to...

Fav if you like to perform loyalty, RT if you like to perform affiliation.
➛
Apr 24, 2015

the hedgehog is doing pretty well too tbh

@mwiik the hedgehog is doing pretty well too tbh
➛
Apr 24, 2015

(i.e. HTTP status 402)

@joeld (i.e. HTTP status 402)
➛
Apr 24, 2015

no no i mean, micropayments, they come for us all

@joeld no no i mean, micropayments, they come for us all
➛
Apr 24, 2015

ET TU JOELD

@joeld ET TU JOELD
➛
Apr 24, 2015

Did you ever see this? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owyNA...

@laura_june Did you ever see this? youtube.com/... it is pretty good.
➛
Apr 24, 2015

The two best Twitter accounts I've seen lately are this...

The two best Twitter accounts I've seen lately are this actor twitter.com/... and this hedgehog twitter.com/...
➛
Apr 24, 2015

In retrospect no one should have made a website.

In retrospect no one should have made a website.
➛
Apr 24, 2015

Why are the web people here? We are here to take your...

Why are the web people here? We are here to take your amazing revenues and replace them with incredibly thin margins “at scale.” Let's hug!
➛
Apr 24, 2015

But also, God, why are the print people ANYWHERE?

But also, God, why are the print people ANYWHERE?
➛
Apr 24, 2015

“Why are the web people here?” —@harrisj...

“Why are the web people here?” —@harrisj @harrisj/leaving-the-new-york-times-bb3e73adc61f?source=tw-168dab556633-1429877526431#4caa--share-0-28" target="_blank" rel="noopener">https://medium.com/@harrisj/leaving-the-new-york-times-bb3e73adc61f?source=tw-168dab556633-1429877526431#4caa--share-0-28 twitter.com/...
➛
Apr 24, 2015

congrats, this is an awesome and that post was good

@harrisj congrats, this is an awesome and that post was good
➛
Apr 23, 2015

omg i forgot that it was about GAMES journalism

omg i forgot that it was about GAMES journalism
➛
Apr 23, 2015

A video about what really matters. http://youtu.be/1Vr6uVD3...

A video about what really matters.

youtu.be/...
➛
Apr 23, 2015

http://www.theonion.com/video/new-app-lets-you-work-for-your...

theonion.com/...
➛
Apr 23, 2015

I mean no wonder they thought blade runner was the future

@rustyk5 I mean no wonder they thought blade runner was the future
➛
Apr 23, 2015

briefcases filled with cheddar

@rustyk5 briefcases filled with cheddar
➛
Apr 23, 2015

sure which is funded by big cheese

@rustyk5 sure which is funded by big cheese
➛
Apr 23, 2015

cheese too, can you imagine the cheese board lobbying...

@rustyk5 cheese too, can you imagine the cheese board lobbying effort, all these really bristly hairy dudes talking CHEESE
➛
Apr 23, 2015

I hate when he gets little

@rustyk5 I hate when he gets little
➛
Apr 23, 2015

i used to “battle-scar” my toys using our electric stove

@negatendo @rustyk5 i used to “battle-scar” my toys using our electric stove
➛
Apr 23, 2015

one day we'll look back on that infographic from our...

@decktonic @sternbergh one day we'll look back on that infographic from our robot-controlled work camps and laugh
➛
Apr 23, 2015

took me until the morning, but nicely done

@fivetonsflax took me until the morning, but nicely done
➛
Apr 22, 2015

on the bright side we'll always have something to tweet...

@leahfinnegan on the bright side we'll always have something to tweet about
➛
Apr 22, 2015

a friend of mine used to edit genre and said that they...

@leahfinnegan a friend of mine used to edit genre and said that they couldn't import romance novels from AUS because they were too rapey.
➛
Apr 22, 2015

oh yeah that was bananas.

@leahfinnegan oh yeah that was bananas.
➛
Apr 22, 2015

that last tweet was a quote from Martin Luther in 1545

@leahfinnegan that last tweet was a quote from Martin Luther in 1545
➛
Apr 22, 2015

it's weird to live in an era that truly, truly knows better...

@leahfinnegan it's weird to live in an era that truly, truly knows better but still does the dumb things.
➛
Apr 22, 2015

“In 2015, did you feel that women had fewer opportunities...

@leahfinnegan “In 2015, did you feel that women had fewer opportunities than now?” “I invented the nanocar that's driving us.”
➛
Apr 22, 2015

do you think they will still do that to women in 2050

@leahfinnegan do you think they will still do that to women in 2050
➛
Apr 22, 2015

i like when they interview brilliant women about what it...

@leahfinnegan i like when they interview brilliant women about what it was like to be a woman in the 60/70s & don't ask about their careers
➛
Apr 22, 2015

to me that is like the kardashian shoot for paper

@leahfinnegan to me that is like the kardashian shoot for paper
➛
Apr 22, 2015

not under that identity

@leahfinnegan not under that identity
➛
Apr 22, 2015

i don't need you i have kinja

@leahfinnegan i don't need you i have kinja
➛
Apr 22, 2015

how will you authenticate

@leahfinnegan how will you authenticate
➛
Apr 22, 2015

You know who else gets church and state mixed up? America.

You know who else gets church and state mixed up? America.
➛
Apr 22, 2015

i would personally benefit from any content management...

i would personally benefit from any content management system that blocks water imagery in the final paragraph
➛
Apr 22, 2015

i would enjoy a button that reverses the paragraph order...

@jamiekeiles @anne_boyer i would enjoy a button that reverses the paragraph order built into most content platforms
➛
Apr 22, 2015

i mean all conclusions are nonsense but also you have to...

@jamiekeiles @anne_boyer i mean all conclusions are nonsense but also you have to get on with your day
➛
Apr 22, 2015

also indicating that this IS going somewhere which would be...

@jamiekeiles @anne_boyer also indicating that this IS going somewhere which would be a gift to the reader
➛
Apr 22, 2015

“we don't yet have the technology to make this interesting.”

@jamiekeiles @anne_boyer “we don't yet have the technology to make this interesting.”
➛
Apr 22, 2015

comforting color shifts that indicate boringness as a sort...

@jamiekeiles @anne_boyer comforting color shifts that indicate boringness as a sort of empathy flag
➛
Apr 22, 2015

also maybe fables need animals because humans are so...

@anne_boyer also maybe fables need animals because humans are so excruciating
➛
Apr 22, 2015

right also it just has to be so obvious to be true to form,...

@anne_boyer right also it just has to be so obvious to be true to form, it can never be a surprise
➛
Apr 22, 2015

I mean it's both and how do you manage that tension so that...

@anne_boyer I mean it's both and how do you manage that tension so that the reader is both implicated and satisfied
➛
Apr 22, 2015

I made the right choice for America

@billwasik I made the right choice for America
➛
Apr 22, 2015

otherwise you can't tell if this is building to an...

@anne_boyer otherwise you can't tell if this is building to an affirmation or condemnation which is intolerable
➛
Apr 22, 2015

writing online you need to lead with the moral or maybe...

@anne_boyer writing online you need to lead with the moral or maybe make it a fixed element that never moves as people scroll
➛
Apr 22, 2015

and like a headboard smashing into drywall

@anildash @dansinker and like a headboard smashing into drywall
➛
Apr 22, 2015

my NYC zip code has zero government-tracked sex noise...

my NYC zip code has zero government-tracked sex noise complaints is something i can say thanks to data journalism #thanksdatajournalism
➛
Apr 22, 2015

The Bear Who Let It Alone is the most true four paragraphs...

The Bear Who Let It Alone is the most true four paragraphs anyone ever wrote about anything newsun.com/...
➛
Apr 22, 2015

when you make a self-referential joke you need to zoom way...

@rustyk5 when you make a self-referential joke you need to zoom way in to hear the fractal laughter
➛
Apr 22, 2015

sometimes i make a little stress noise like...

@StarleeKine sometimes i make a little stress noise like tikkatikkatikkatikka and i realize it's me making the noise of typing
➛
Apr 22, 2015

I'm still on slack tho

@StarleeKine I'm still on slack tho
➛
Apr 22, 2015

I'm really deep on this book draft and this big thing for...

@StarleeKine I'm really deep on this book draft and this big thing for Businessweek and I've got deadline tremors.
➛
Apr 22, 2015

youtube animal tv casting is the best tv. along with steam...

@oolah youtube animal tv casting is the best tv. along with steam train tv.
➛
Apr 22, 2015

“Tisdale has been called the ‘Land of Rape and Honey’ for...

“Tisdale has been called the ‘Land of Rape and Honey’ for nearly 60 years.” thestar.com/...
➛
Apr 21, 2015

look i know the real problem is splitsider

@haleymlotek look i know the real problem is splitsider
➛
Apr 21, 2015

dude is right the police really did NOT need to kill radio...

dude is right the police really did NOT need to kill radio raheem in ANY way
➛
Apr 21, 2015

https://twitter.com/ftrain/status/590708483466604544/photo/1

twitter.com/...
➛
Apr 21, 2015

i just love the way in this movie that spike lee made...

@Choire @redkeg i just love the way in this movie that spike lee made EVERYONE bring their absolute best shit
➛
Apr 21, 2015

apparently spike lee went back to public enemy on their...

@Choire @redkeg apparently spike lee went back to public enemy on their first song and was like, dudes, you need to bring it, hence this
➛
Apr 21, 2015

i saw this with my dad in media, pa, and we both agreed...

@Choire i saw this with my dad in media, pa, and we both agreed that it was the most memorable thing we'd ever seen in a movie
➛
Apr 21, 2015

When BuzzFeed and Gawker fight it's so easy to get...

When BuzzFeed and Gawker fight it's so easy to get distracted and forget the real enemy, The Awl Network.
➛
Apr 21, 2015

You know a word you don't hear that much these days?...

You know a word you don't hear that much these days? “Mortdecai.”
➛
Apr 21, 2015

+1 off the cuff.

@Choire +1 off the cuff.
➛
Apr 20, 2015

“Already this year, 10 lotteries have been held for 698...

“Already this year, 10 lotteries have been held for 698 units that received about 486,000 applications.” nytimes.com/...
➛
Apr 20, 2015

Adding to @jackrusher's praise of Olivetti Mode, a small...

Adding to @jackrusher's praise of Olivetti Mode, a small thing for Emacs that you didn't know you needed. github.com/...
➛
Apr 20, 2015

why is everything about him so sad, he should basically be...

@tophtucker @joshuatopolsky why is everything about him so sad, he should basically be scrooge mcducking in a gold pool and vader helmet
➛
Apr 20, 2015

who wants to take some prospect park fun run to the next...

who wants to take some prospect park fun run to the next goddam level en.wikipedia.org/...
➛
Apr 20, 2015

oh that just hurts

@asolove oh that just hurts
➛
Apr 20, 2015

mondays are tough

@patbits mondays are tough
➛
Apr 20, 2015

“We've restarted the brain we discovered and it wants to...

“We've restarted the brain we discovered and it wants to talk about something called Squarespace.”
➛
Apr 20, 2015

cool tweets but you need more scenes

@j_zimms @page88 cool tweets but you need more scenes
➛
Apr 20, 2015

“Podcast guest” is a cool epitaph I guess except I won't...

“Podcast guest” is a cool epitaph I guess except I won't need an epitaph because my head will be frozen and launched on a colony ship.
➛
Apr 20, 2015

Boy if you like the words literally and like then you are...

Boy if you like the words literally and like then you are going to love me as a podcast guest.
➛
Apr 20, 2015

SIGMOO is a good idea and one can never do enough Unix...

@harrisj SIGMOO is a good idea and one can never do enough Unix signals stuff, right?
➛
Apr 20, 2015

also all the various date/time stuff you need is basically...

@harrisj also all the various date/time stuff you need is basically out there now even if their licensing is weird
➛
Apr 20, 2015

that book is good tho

@harrisj that book is good tho
➛
Apr 20, 2015

lolno but the Date() prototype is like scrambled brain eggs...

@rustyk5 @harrisj lolno but the Date() prototype is like scrambled brain eggs (but so is time, it's actually not THAT warty)
➛
Apr 20, 2015

ulgh moment.js is the best avail but ulgh

@rustyk5 @harrisj ulgh moment.js is the best avail but ulgh
➛
Apr 20, 2015

You know what's good, though? Postgres date/time handling...

@harrisj @rustyk5 You know what's good, though? Postgres date/time handling back to like 4800BC. They did the hard work.
➛
Apr 20, 2015

let's not even talk about date/time handling on other...

@harrisj @rustyk5 let's not even talk about date/time handling on other platforms. nightmare.
➛
Apr 20, 2015

jacob dear god we all know 1900 was not a leap year because...

@harrisj @rustyk5 jacob dear god we all know 1900 was not a leap year because it wasn't divisibly by four
➛
Apr 20, 2015

Not with static type checking.

@harrisj Not with static type checking.
➛
Apr 20, 2015

It was just trying to pack a lunch so it doesn't have to...

@patbits It was just trying to pack a lunch so it doesn't have to buy that stupid lunchbox then this bullshit happens.
➛
Apr 20, 2015

This is a good point the TSA along with a do-not-fly list...

This is a good point the TSA along with a do-not-fly list probably keeps a “can fly but should not” for vultures. But what about penguins?
➛
Apr 20, 2015

An enormous number of jokes are obsolete.

An enormous number of jokes are obsolete.
➛
Apr 20, 2015

And that joke is so old, today he probably would do...

And that joke is so old, today he probably would do self-service check-in in that case and also vultures can't e-ticket? Plus no hands?
➛
Apr 20, 2015

My fav joke is about the vulture with an antelope at the...

My fav joke is about the vulture with an antelope at the airport and they ask him if he wants to check that in and he says no it's carrion.
➛
Apr 20, 2015

“‘I do television and film so I can take months off and...

“‘I do television and film so I can take months off and contribute to culture,’ Mr. Simpson said.” nytimes.com/...
➛
Apr 20, 2015

Slack has revived something that was VERY common in the...

Slack has revived something that was VERY common in the early days of the Internet, that sense of wearing a beeper.
➛
Apr 20, 2015

yeah it's depressing that person can't spell “drivel”

@bn2b yeah it's depressing that person can't spell “drivel”
➛
Apr 20, 2015

I hate to be reductive but happy 1/5.

I hate to be reductive but happy 1/5.
➛
Apr 20, 2015

Sometimes I'm at poetry readings and I think, “they should...

Sometimes I'm at poetry readings and I think, “they should have sent an astrophysicist,” I whisper it to myself without making eye contact.
➛
Apr 20, 2015

Six billion tweets of poet outrage. And you know they'd...

Six billion tweets of poet outrage. And you know they'd pick some professor. And he'd use the words “limpid pools.” And wear a hat.
➛
Apr 20, 2015

You know how in Contact Jodie Foster is like, “they should...

You know how in Contact Jodie Foster is like, “they should have sent a poet”? I keep thinking, which poet? youtube.com/...
➛
Apr 20, 2015

Good morning here I am speaking with @joshuatopolsky for an...

Good morning here I am speaking with @joshuatopolsky for an hour also I do some ads with him
m.soundcloud.com/...
➛
Apr 19, 2015

i'm ready, i'm ready to give myself to the brands, I'm...

@leahfinnegan @Choire @WheatThins i'm ready, i'm ready to give myself to the brands, I'm trying so hard, and the brands won't take me
➛
Apr 19, 2015

because i could not tweet for brands/they kindly tweet for...

@Choire @WheatThins because i could not tweet for brands/they kindly tweet for me
➛
Apr 19, 2015

maybe ten years to go until they remake the matrix

maybe ten years to go until they remake the matrix
➛
Apr 18, 2015

I guess these represent the “imperfect underbelly” of...

I guess these represent the “imperfect underbelly” of Indian weddings? But they are so fun and great & I love them. medium.com/...
➛
Apr 18, 2015

RIP Jonathan Crombie (Gilbert from Anne of Green Gables)...

RIP Jonathan Crombie (Gilbert from Anne of Green Gables) ottawacitizen.com/...
➛
Apr 18, 2015

so many brands in that photo

@anildash so many brands in that photo
➛
Apr 18, 2015

Shhh. Brands are watching.

Shhh. Brands are watching.
➛
Apr 18, 2015

Usually this is where they scream religious songs at each...

Usually this is where they scream religious songs at each other.
➛
Apr 18, 2015

It can't be this easy; I am terrified.

It can't be this easy; I am terrified.
➛
Apr 18, 2015

I just held a nap race for the little twins. “Who can close...

I just held a nap race for the little twins. “Who can close their eyes harder? Who can be quieter?” Worked.
➛
Apr 18, 2015

We are all God's children. https://twitter.com/ftrain/status...

We are all God's children. twitter.com/...
➛
Apr 17, 2015

We were supposed to meet up at the ballpark but half the...

We were supposed to meet up at the ballpark but half the people went to the wheelhouse and the other half went to the bailiwick.
➛
Apr 16, 2015

I have budget for shake shack

@leahfinnegan I have budget for shake shack
➛
Apr 16, 2015

oh good then we can stay late and get this paid post for...

@leahfinnegan oh good then we can stay late and get this paid post for the Franzen Omnibus written and shipped
➛
Apr 16, 2015

um leah what is the word in front of editor in your title

@leahfinnegan um leah what is the word in front of editor in your title
➛
Apr 16, 2015

we will need you to write some of the ads

@leahfinnegan we will need you to write some of the ads
➛
Apr 16, 2015

AND live events and conferences

@leahfinnegan AND live events and conferences
➛
Apr 16, 2015

Congratulations to everyone at Gawker who is about to get...

Congratulations to everyone at Gawker who is about to get promoted to management.
➛
Apr 16, 2015

I wish there was a timeline driven CMS to support this...

@sixfoot6 I wish there was a timeline driven CMS to support this important research
➛
Apr 16, 2015

At the zoo this monkey was throwing feces at a woman...

At the zoo this monkey was throwing feces at a woman wearing turquoise denim and I was like dude, c'mon, wet stool can't pelt teal jeans.
➛
Apr 15, 2015

it's true it's how we win elections

@laura_june it's true it's how we win elections
➛
Apr 15, 2015

or one of daddy's phones

@laura_june or one of daddy's phones
➛
Apr 15, 2015

people talk a lot about the patriarchy but no one ever hugs...

@laura_june people talk a lot about the patriarchy but no one ever hugs the patriarchy
➛
Apr 15, 2015

k1dp0wn3d

k1dp0wn3d
➛
Apr 15, 2015

It was like, “Daddy what're you doing?“ “I'm doing Daddy...

It was like, “Daddy what're you doing?“ “I'm doing Daddy things, you need to go to bed.” Then I look at screen, it's mlkshk.com/...
➛
Apr 15, 2015

My son just got out of bed to ask me what I was doing and I...

My son just got out of bed to ask me what I was doing and I had to explain that watching a hamster eat a tiny burrito is “a daddy thing.”
➛
Apr 15, 2015

Yeah I'll do sniglets idgaf.

Yeah I'll do sniglets idgaf.
➛
Apr 15, 2015

Hatereads are a form of scornographic literature.

Hatereads are a form of scornographic literature.
➛
Apr 15, 2015

Congratulations to Yahoo! on its acquisition of Fire Eagle!

Congratulations to Yahoo! on its acquisition of Fire Eagle!
➛
Apr 15, 2015

it looks truly fun and you never have to worry about what...

@rustyk5 it looks truly fun and you never have to worry about what to wear
➛
Apr 15, 2015

you have an amazing brain jennifer except right now it is...

@jenniferdaniel @harrisj you have an amazing brain jennifer except right now it is being turned into a slurry to feed tiny animals
➛
Apr 15, 2015

that looks much more fun than living inside a set of nested...

that looks much more fun than living inside a set of nested hatred cages and trying to translate the ravings of your baby-self into prose
➛
Apr 15, 2015

god god god i wish i had one of those brains that was like,...

god god god i wish i had one of those brains that was like, hey brain, let's backpack in southeast asia and blog about entrepreneurship
➛
Apr 15, 2015

the writing is going well about eighteen months later than...

the writing is going well about eighteen months later than it needed to
➛
Apr 14, 2015

Pretty, pretty please. Don't you ever, ever feel. Like...

@leahfinnegan Pretty, pretty please. Don't you ever, ever feel. Like you're less than. Fucking perfect.
➛
Apr 14, 2015

i'd say shee is miss undaztood

@leahfinnegan i'd say shee is miss undaztood
➛
Apr 14, 2015

The Role of Emoticons in the TriplePHazelton Recognition...

@droob The Role of Emoticons in the TriplePHazelton Recognition Response, as Analyzed Using Sigma Chromatography
➛
Apr 14, 2015

And I know eventually we'll be together/ one sweet and sour...

@anildash @pnc @leahfinnegan And I know eventually we'll be together/
one sweet and sour day
➛
Apr 14, 2015

i just ordered it

@droob i just ordered it
➛
Apr 14, 2015

thanx to @droob: chuck d and jennifer finch from l7 and a...

thanx to @droob: chuck d and jennifer finch from l7 and a fake madonna on AOL as covered by MTV in 1994 youtube.com/...
➛
Apr 14, 2015

agreed i'm never gonna get down on communities engaging...

@anildash @pnc @leahfinnegan agreed i'm never gonna get down on communities engaging with their own selves wanting better chinese food
➛
Apr 14, 2015

Blackwater guards “faced mandatory minimum 30-year...

Blackwater guards “faced mandatory minimum 30-year sentences under a law passed during the crack cocaine epidemic.” nytimes.com/...
➛
Apr 13, 2015

"Well, I don't know his name," Reagan replied. "But let me...

@rustyk5 "Well, I don't know his name," Reagan replied. "But let me tell you, if I become President, he's going to get to know mine."
➛
Apr 13, 2015

wait overtone yes oh god you probably di

@jackrusher wait overtone yes

oh god you probably di
➛
Apr 13, 2015

that photo tho, it's just a brick wall

@leahfinnegan that photo tho, it's just a brick wall
➛
Apr 13, 2015

You know what else no one told me about is Sonic Pi.

You know what else no one told me about is Sonic Pi.
➛
Apr 13, 2015

http://open.spotify.com/track/0e0siwPeCy9UvQzN7zp6n8 why...

open.spotify.com/... why didn't someone tell me about Young Fathers
➛
Apr 13, 2015

exactly, you know, which.

@Linkletter exactly, you know, which.
➛
Apr 13, 2015

PJ this is a macro, not unicode I EXPLAINED Unicode....

@PJVogt PJ this is a macro, not unicode I EXPLAINED Unicode. Haughey don't favorite this it encourages him.
➛
Apr 13, 2015

that's fucked up

@PJVogt that's fucked up
➛
Apr 13, 2015

each muffin is made in shenzhen now it really is amazing...

@leahfinnegan each muffin is made in shenzhen now it really is amazing the butter is actually 5% masonry materials
➛
Apr 13, 2015

it's in substrate in a little gel sac and when you heat it...

@leahfinnegan it's in substrate in a little gel sac and when you heat it above 115° the butter pressure busts the sac open and foams outward
➛
Apr 13, 2015

the butter is already inside the muffin and when you...

@leahfinnegan the butter is already inside the muffin and when you squeeze it butter shoots out everywhere
➛
Apr 13, 2015

it's like seven muffins stacked and fired out of a gun they...

@leahfinnegan it's like seven muffins stacked and fired out of a gun they call it the MORTAR MUFFIN
➛
Apr 13, 2015

i'm imagining the meeting where they're like FUCK NOOKS and...

@leahfinnegan i'm imagining the meeting where they're like FUCK NOOKS and then they introduce MEGA CRANNY it holds a full tsp butter
➛
Apr 13, 2015

edmund r u going to steal my identity

@leahfinnegan edmund r u going to steal my identity
➛
Apr 13, 2015

Patrick your avatar.

@patbits Patrick your avatar.
➛
Apr 13, 2015

they're moving away from nooks and just going balls out on...

@leahfinnegan they're moving away from nooks and just going balls out on crannies
➛
Apr 13, 2015

I bet ending sentences with “which” could be a thing, which.

I bet ending sentences with “which” could be a thing, which.
➛
Apr 13, 2015

not YOUR A/B tests, YOUR A/B tests are very, very important...

not YOUR A/B tests, YOUR A/B tests are very, very important to the overall success of your mission kadavy.net/...
➛
Apr 13, 2015

For 20 years I've been running an experiment to see if...

For 20 years I've been running an experiment to see if self-loathing can move deadlines and I'm finally ready to publish my results: Nope.
➛
Apr 12, 2015

“It is a chicken puppet, not a duck puppet.”...

“It is a chicken puppet, not a duck puppet.” nytimes.com/...
➛
Apr 12, 2015

Many Internet pundits were smashed under their treads. It...

@riordan Many Internet pundits were smashed under their treads. It was a brutal way to learn that only one thing mattered: The cycle.
➛
Apr 12, 2015

just 82 short weeks

just 82 short weeks
➛
Apr 12, 2015

just 575 days to decide http://days.to/election-day-in-us/20...

just 575 days to decide days.to/...
➛
Apr 12, 2015

no it can't be http://www.daysuntil.com/Election-Day/index....

no it can't be daysuntil.com/...
➛
Apr 12, 2015

It was quiet in the global media village but then over the...

It was quiet in the global media village but then over the hill came a squadron of Take Tanks.
➛
Apr 12, 2015

Say what you will about American politics, but there's a...

Say what you will about American politics, but there's a lot of wisdom in our two-family system.
➛
Apr 11, 2015

Woah the reboot of Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus is...

Woah the reboot of Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus is dark as hell. twitter.com/...
➛
Apr 11, 2015

wow your minecraft game is NEXT LEVEL

@goldman wow your minecraft game is NEXT LEVEL
➛
Apr 11, 2015

♫ count the flashlights while the men play ♫

@Choire ♫ count the flashlights while the men play ♫
➛
Apr 10, 2015

Sometimes the Spotify trail ends in Radio KAOS and that's...

Sometimes the Spotify trail ends in Radio KAOS and that's how you know it's time to go to bed.
➛
Apr 10, 2015

STAY RIGHT THERE THE OREOS SOCIAL MEDIA TEAM IS INBOUND ON...

@Choire STAY RIGHT THERE THE OREOS SOCIAL MEDIA TEAM IS INBOUND ON HELICOPTER
➛
Apr 10, 2015

“Although his nation is nearly the size of Alaska, none of...

“Although his nation is nearly the size of Alaska, none of its 300 citizens actually live there.” bigstory.ap.org/...
➛
Apr 10, 2015

“He said his comments last year that gays should burn in...

“He said his comments last year that gays should burn in ovens had been overblown, but that he stood by them.” nytimes.com/...
➛
Apr 10, 2015

never forget https://twitter.com/ftrain/status/5865889680844...

never forget twitter.com/...
➛
Apr 10, 2015

https://twitter.com/ftrain/status/586488557323362304/photo/1

twitter.com/...
➛
Apr 9, 2015

the full stack life chose me https://twitter.com/ftrain/stat...

the full stack life chose me twitter.com/...
➛
Apr 8, 2015

seriously an A+ neighbor

@theodoreross seriously an A+ neighbor
➛
Apr 8, 2015

I know and she is just the best person.

@theodoreross I know and she is just the best person.
➛
Apr 8, 2015

In Ditmas we call passive-aggressive behavior “slopin'.”

@theodoreross In Ditmas we call passive-aggressive behavior “slopin'.”
➛
Apr 8, 2015

I live in Ditmas, Ted. Your Park Slope bullshit doesn't...

@theodoreross I live in Ditmas, Ted. Your Park Slope bullshit doesn't work over the Caton line.
➛
Apr 8, 2015

shit is about to get very serious for twin toddlers who...

shit is about to get very serious for twin toddlers who don't believe bedtime is for real
➛
Apr 8, 2015

or for people to consider and react to our work at length...

@hels @rustyk5 or for people to consider and react to our work at length and thoughtfully in the interest of increasing common understanding
➛
Apr 8, 2015

What is the snack in your office that you are not eating...

What is the snack in your office that you are not eating right now? For me it is low salt potato chips.
➛
Apr 8, 2015

or before release JASON COME ON

@JasonLeeFrench or before release JASON COME ON
➛
Apr 8, 2015

ulgh who will be the first person fired for this at the...

@mattbuchanan ulgh who will be the first person fired for this at the verge
➛
Apr 8, 2015

I wonder how long before women with Apple Watches are being...

I wonder how long before women with Apple Watches are being harassed by men sending them unsolicited dickbeats.
➛
Apr 8, 2015

lotta dumb shit today

lotta dumb shit today
➛
Apr 8, 2015

If the iPod was the Joshua Tree, and the iPhone was Achtung...

If the iPod was the Joshua Tree, and the iPhone was Achtung Baby, and the iPad was Zooropa, then the Apple Watch is obviously Mylo Xyloto.
➛
Apr 8, 2015

I got a lot of automated wristwatch notifications/here's an...

@Choire I got a lot of automated wristwatch notifications/here's an alert to rock the nation
➛
Apr 7, 2015

“We would all have been better served had the Columbia...

“We would all have been better served had the Columbia report been three sentences long.” newrepublic.com/...
➛
Apr 7, 2015

one of history's worst monsters definitely

@toomuchnick one of history's worst monsters definitely
➛
Apr 7, 2015

I mean look, I had help, in the form of not having Rachel...

@toomuchnick I mean look, I had help, in the form of not having Rachel deny the potential of my jokes.
➛
Apr 7, 2015

how many gallons of water does it take to grow the fuck up

how many gallons of water does it take to grow the fuck up
➛
Apr 7, 2015

To be fair, the password for the secret commenting system...

@Mlsif @digiphile @goldman To be fair, the password for the secret commenting system appears in a footnote on page 1,675.
➛
Apr 7, 2015

“So we're decided on Platisher. Next on the docket,...

@digiphile @goldman “So we're decided on Platisher. Next on the docket, Crossfit.”
➛
Apr 7, 2015

Too late, Alex, I'm spending the day fantasizing about the...

@digiphile @goldman Too late, Alex, I'm spending the day fantasizing about the Congressional Neologism Approval Process.
➛
Apr 7, 2015

Things haven't been the same since Congress gutted the...

@digiphile @goldman Things haven't been the same since Congress gutted the neologism budget.
➛
Apr 7, 2015

they did such a good job. i want to go see it before it...

@jeremyzilar they did such a good job. i want to go see it before it gets taken down.
➛
Apr 7, 2015

I mean that's not the worst government formulation for a...

@digiphile @goldman I mean that's not the worst government formulation for a thing? It could have been AmericanTurkCorps.
➛
Apr 7, 2015

Whoaaa calm down I thought we were just crowdsourcing.

@digiphile @goldman Whoaaa calm down I thought we were just crowdsourcing.
➛
Apr 7, 2015

and spelling assistAnce

@goldman and spelling assistAnce
➛
Apr 7, 2015

feeling really good about that Whiskey Houston

@alex_tea feeling really good about that Whiskey Houston
➛
Apr 6, 2015

yeah that looks delicious but damaging

@tcarmody @jkottke yeah that looks delicious but damaging
➛
Apr 6, 2015

If you mix Grey Goose and Old Overholt that's called a Rye...

If you mix Grey Goose and Old Overholt that's called a Rye and Gosling and it will make you throw up, much like this joke.
➛
Apr 6, 2015

This might be a hint: https://twitter.com/mobli/status/58453...

@Choire This might be a hint: twitter.com/...
➛
Apr 3, 2015

yeah no one is even going to question that formulation...

@PJVogt yeah no one is even going to question that formulation because we know what we are
➛
Apr 3, 2015

I'm glad she is someone I gravitate back to once a year or...

@heavymeta I'm glad she is someone I gravitate back to once a year or so. Always something new.
➛
Apr 3, 2015

Oh man I call the former the y-hole so that means that you...

@PJVogt Oh man I call the former the y-hole so that means that you just descended into...the p-hole.
➛
Apr 3, 2015

I keep the high-culture stuff to a minimum here on Twitter...

I keep the high-culture stuff to a minimum here on Twitter in order to focus on more friendly subjects like javascript pony poop sex.
➛
Apr 3, 2015

the other thing is this leng tan intepretation of four...

the other thing is this leng tan intepretation of four walls which helped me organize at least one decade of my life open.spotify.com/...
➛
Apr 3, 2015

sounds like your uncle knew what worked

@merveille sounds like your uncle knew what worked
➛
Apr 3, 2015

willie nelson is pretty great tho

@merveille willie nelson is pretty great tho
➛
Apr 3, 2015

this is wonderful also oh god she lives in brooklyn if i...

@navybook this is wonderful also oh god she lives in brooklyn if i ever see her i'll faint
➛
Apr 3, 2015

oh no i love her so much i think she's just a consummate...

@merveille oh no i love her so much i think she's just a consummate genius i don't understand any of what's going on but i love her
➛
Apr 3, 2015

one thing i worry that people don't know about is margaret...

one thing i worry that people don't know about is margaret leng tan playing satie on toy piano open.spotify.com/...
➛
Apr 3, 2015

yeah i mean that's where i'm at and it's amazing

@maxfenton yeah i mean that's where i'm at and it's amazing
➛
Apr 3, 2015

have you seen the mastodon video with the wizard shit and...

@paulkruczynski have you seen the mastodon video with the wizard shit and the twerking strippers it's kind of amazing
➛
Apr 3, 2015

listening to it now sooooo goood

@maxfenton listening to it now sooooo goood
➛
Apr 3, 2015

cut to eye surgery cut to calves head on lazy susan cut to...

@paulkruczynski cut to eye surgery cut to calves head on lazy susan cut to overhead shot of cattle processing cut to hooded children
➛
Apr 3, 2015

oh yeah there's ZERO sense that this was a good boss

@imelven oh yeah there's ZERO sense that this was a good boss
➛
Apr 3, 2015

Dude this is an industrial video I don't have a face.

@paulkruczynski Dude this is an industrial video I don't have a face.
➛
Apr 3, 2015

it's also insanely entertaining, like he just shouldn't...

@imelven it's also insanely entertaining, like he just shouldn't have survived
➛
Apr 3, 2015

did u read the jourgenson autobiography?

@imelven did u read the jourgenson autobiography?
➛
Apr 3, 2015

Paul, what are your thoughts?

@paulkruczynski Paul, what are your thoughts?
➛
Apr 3, 2015

I don't think Pigface gets enough credit.

I don't think Pigface gets enough credit.
➛
Apr 3, 2015

my first ever concert was thrill kill kult in 1990 at the...

@AGoldmund my first ever concert was thrill kill kult in 1990 at the troc in philly
➛
Apr 3, 2015

i mean this is the stuff walter isaacson NEVER covers

@AGoldmund i mean this is the stuff walter isaacson NEVER covers
➛
Apr 3, 2015

he puts a lot of vegetables in his butt and attacks the...

@AGoldmund he puts a lot of vegetables in his butt and attacks the butthole surfers backwards
➛
Apr 3, 2015

have u read the al jourgenson autobiography

@AGoldmund have u read the al jourgenson autobiography
➛
Apr 3, 2015

“‘Now I’m going to do that racist thing where I touch your...

“‘Now I’m going to do that racist thing where I touch your hair,’ he said as he reached for my afro.” buzzfeed.com/...
➛
Apr 3, 2015

soooooo good i'm a sucker for walking around movies

@jackrusher @s2imon soooooo good i'm a sucker for walking around movies
➛
Apr 3, 2015

this chart should help https://twitter.com/ftrain/status/584...

this chart should help twitter.com/...
➛
Apr 3, 2015

oh yeah this is sweeeet

@mendel oh yeah this is sweeeet
➛
Apr 3, 2015

no will look it up

@mendel no will look it up
➛
Apr 3, 2015

if I took the job you would find that I had been there all...

@garychou if I took the job you would find that I had been there all along
➛
Apr 3, 2015

so that would be in the vending machine too

so that would be in the vending machine too
➛
Apr 3, 2015

this is true my wife took a wooden toy away from our...

this is true my wife took a wooden toy away from our children as my dedicated squeezy-bitey toy so that i stop breaking things
➛
Apr 3, 2015

it's a slippery slope

@michelet it's a slippery slope
➛
Apr 3, 2015

a more modern trail mix would basically be one M&M in a...

@ameliamango @theunread @cpalmatier a more modern trail mix would basically be one M&M in a substrate of desalinated seaweed-based foam
➛
Apr 3, 2015

i think also in days of yore you could be like i'm eating...

@ameliamango @theunread @cpalmatier i think also in days of yore you could be like i'm eating these healthy salty nuts and raisins!
➛
Apr 3, 2015

it's sooooo good

@mendel it's sooooo good
➛
Apr 3, 2015

actually i've chewed belts a rigid shiny cheap leather is...

@noahWG @sippey actually i've chewed belts a rigid shiny cheap leather is better
➛
Apr 3, 2015

shredded in about three to five minutes with the plug...

@sippey shredded in about three to five minutes with the plug missing and blue ink on my front teeth
➛
Apr 3, 2015

can't you feel how satisfying it would be to grind it with...

@amelapay @shaneferro can't you feel how satisfying it would be to grind it with your back molars basically calorie free then BEEFBURST
➛
Apr 3, 2015

okay i'll be honest i sort of knew about the first three...

@Loh okay i'll be honest i sort of knew about the first three but marine catcher is taking me a little time to process
➛
Apr 3, 2015

michael i chomp pencils in half routinely in the first...

@sippey michael i chomp pencils in half routinely in the first minute
➛
Apr 3, 2015

no no i love the way they form a mass under your tongue as...

@theunread no no i love the way they form a mass under your tongue as if your body was saying DON'T SWALLOW THIS
➛
Apr 3, 2015

i mean at least just for research

@gen i mean at least just for research
➛
Apr 3, 2015

oh god the debates over like which ruby framework to use...

@amyhoy oh god the debates over like which ruby framework to use too, it would be terrible
➛
Apr 3, 2015

right or something that released cinnamon at time intervals...

@shaneferro right or something that released cinnamon at time intervals but randomly so that you just keep up a pavlovian chaw
➛
Apr 3, 2015

be real here dude

@PJVogt be real here dude
➛
Apr 3, 2015

something where the chocolate slowly flakes off after five...

something where the chocolate slowly flakes off after five to ten minutes of fiercely dedicated gnawing and tearing—perfect for meetings
➛
Apr 3, 2015

i am the entrepreneur in residence of your heart

i am the entrepreneur in residence of your heart
➛
Apr 3, 2015

no one needs granola bars at work people need chew toys,...

no one needs granola bars at work people need chew toys, like human rawhide
➛
Apr 3, 2015

like you KNOW the perfect vending combo is not trail...

like you KNOW the perfect vending combo is not trail mix/twizzlers but like tampons, advil, loosies, diet coke, and a 4" gnawable chocobrick
➛
Apr 3, 2015

THEN you use your VC network to put your stupid vending...

THEN you use your VC network to put your stupid vending machines in every startup and record all of their conversations
➛
Apr 3, 2015

like, get some vending machines, buy randomly off...

like, get some vending machines, buy randomly off candywarehouse.com/... and then automatically restock based on inputs
➛
Apr 3, 2015

like the state of the art (this is 2012) seems like there's...

like the state of the art (this is 2012) seems like there's all sorts of optimization and scaling issues to resolve jiem.org/...
➛
Apr 3, 2015

you ever think what if i just dropped out and just thought...

you ever think what if i just dropped out and just thought about vending machines for a couple of years
➛
Apr 2, 2015

“with the kind of well-defined bone structure that makes...

“with the kind of well-defined bone structure that makes you think about bone structure” stories.californiasunday.com/... A+ line sooooooooooooo good
➛
Apr 2, 2015

why are you drinking in a chinese grocery

@leahfinnegan why are you drinking in a chinese grocery
➛
Apr 2, 2015

jealous but you know what i'm glad i gave you guys an...

@leahfinnegan jealous but you know what i'm glad i gave you guys an excuse to finally spend some time together
➛
Apr 2, 2015

can you imagine a museum of these collections the raw power...

@leahfinnegan can you imagine a museum of these collections the raw power of it
➛
Apr 2, 2015

orrrrrr one day we will watch the world's most...

@leahfinnegan orrrrrr one day we will watch the world's most uncomfortable episode of storage wars
➛
Apr 2, 2015

right? I mean god help you if you mispronounce this in...

@nelson right? I mean god help you if you mispronounce this in front of the wrong person.
➛
Apr 2, 2015

More-gehl-unz or Morga-lonz?

More-gehl-unz or Morga-lonz?
➛
Apr 2, 2015

Slack automated emails are pretty good sometimes....

Slack automated emails are pretty good sometimes. twitter.com/...
➛
Apr 2, 2015

“Germanwings and Airline Safety: Where the Danger (Does...

“Germanwings and Airline Safety: Where the Danger (Does Not) Lurk” by @zeynep medium.com/...
➛
Apr 2, 2015

I don't see anything about how toy cast-iron pans should be...

I don't see anything about how toy cast-iron pans should be seasoned so I doubt the sincerity of these kid kitchens. wsj.com/...
➛
Apr 2, 2015

i'm like easing up to the two hours this aft where i teach...

@dpwenger @leahfinnegan @bn2b @hamiltonnolan i'm like easing up to the two hours this aft where i teach a class & going home with the shakes
➛
Apr 2, 2015

excuse me leah but the fact that PB&H on a wrap is big...

@hamiltonnolan @leahfinnegan @bn2b excuse me leah but the fact that PB&H on a wrap is big in space is newsworthy
➛
Apr 2, 2015

Gawker should assign a followup story @leahfinnegan

@bn2b Gawker should assign a followup story @leahfinnegan
➛
Apr 2, 2015

i mean a lot gets stretched in there but truth is, it is...

@bn2b i mean a lot gets stretched in there but truth is, it is delicious
➛
Apr 2, 2015

All those boy socks are somewhere now.

@leahfinnegan All those boy socks are somewhere now.
➛
Apr 2, 2015

I bet people who have serious life illnesses love hearing...

I bet people who have serious life illnesses love hearing about dad sinuses on Twitter.
➛
Apr 2, 2015

Here is the definitive source on PB&J on a wrap...

Here is the definitive source on PB&J on a wrap gawker.com/...
➛
Apr 2, 2015

I just had peanut butter and jelly on a wrap.

I just had peanut butter and jelly on a wrap.
➛
Apr 2, 2015

I don't remember I was hanging in the closet because they'd...

@sjttocs I don't remember I was hanging in the closet because they'd stitched my bottom and top halves together.
➛
Apr 2, 2015

In my fever dream last night a plane crashed into my...

In my fever dream last night a plane crashed into my self-driving car, slicing me in two, and the rest was surgeons making jokes.
➛
Apr 1, 2015

its strep says Dr so tired

@leahfinnegan its strep says Dr so tired
➛
Loading...