Ftrain, by Paul Ford

One must ignore everything your parents say when it comes to losing weight. To listen to them is to imperil yourself. They will counsel diet plans and special exercises, and say you can do it you can you yes you can you. They will send you recipes and good wishes, and then a box will arrive stuffed with cookies. In the mothers it is an atavistic internal conflict-- the maternal desire to feed the child, and fear the child-- and thus they-- have failed. They sense your hunger and go mad from guilt; breasts heave, bread is baked. Fathers are worse; fathers have rules that make no sense. "Just drink water with cake" or "don't eat after two A.M." Why this madness? Because you are repudiating their spoon, which shoveled cereal into your tiny mouth as they made airplane noises. Don't forget how cute you were, and what a disappointment now that you've grown so large. But don't forget they are to blame. Good parents wouldn't let their children fatten. Avoid the subject; learn to grunt and lie, to change the topic. Love them and ignore them. They mean well, but they will only damage.