September 2019

Sep 30, 2019

All this stuff about sapiosexuality is kind of a mindfuck.

All this stuff about sapiosexuality is kind of a mindfuck.
Sep 30, 2019

Before you complain just know there are infinite universes...

Before you complain just know there are infinite universes where this joke owns.
Sep 30, 2019

I need to find someone to take care of millions of versions...

I need to find someone to take care of millions of versions of the same building. Yes I'm hiring for a quantum super position.
Sep 30, 2019

Women: The harassment was part of a well-established,...

Women: The harassment was part of a well-established, long-understood pattern.

Tech industry: Then we should be able to train a neural net to recognize it.
Sep 27, 2019

Never miss an opportunity to complain is what I'm saying.

Never miss an opportunity to complain is what I'm saying.
Sep 27, 2019

A big lesson of NYC for me is that spontaneous mutual...

A big lesson of NYC for me is that spontaneous mutual complaining is a safe way for strangers to become friends.
Sep 26, 2019

I am very tempted to start introducing the most persistent...

I am very tempted to start introducing the most persistent cold emailers to each other. "Vaclav, sorry I didn't write back. I'd like to introduce you to Elaine. Her CEO will be in town soon, and I think you both should take 20 minutes to discuss ERP services."
Sep 26, 2019

and is there a mrs brightside

and is there a mrs brightside
Sep 25, 2019

CAREER TRAJECTORY Years 1-4: I have no idea what I'm...

CAREER TRAJECTORY

Years 1-4: I have no idea what I'm doing, and I'm terrible at my job.

5-9: I'm a total fraud—but maybe not a TOTAL fraud.

10-19: Frankly I'm good at what I do. And I help others succeed.

20+: I have no idea what I'm doing, and I'm terrible at my job.
Sep 24, 2019

Two CMSes, both alike in dignity In fair Manhattan, where...

Two CMSes, both alike in dignity
In fair Manhattan, where we lay our scene
Sep 23, 2019

this is not illegal due to an obscure legal claws

this is not illegal due to an obscure legal claws x.com/...
Sep 21, 2019

wednesday: honey, go be with your mom, i love parenting...

wednesday: honey, go be with your mom, i love parenting solo

saturday: if anyone comes within five feet of the couch while i'm sitting here i will take away your computer for your life

monday (projected): no one is to make eye contact with anyone else including the cats
Sep 21, 2019

Apparently after all that sobbing my ballet bun was good...

Apparently after all that sobbing my ballet bun was good enough for dance class after all.
Sep 20, 2019

Things are so bad we can't even title our geese games.

Things are so bad we can't even title our geese games.
Sep 20, 2019

I tell everyone to go and no one listens. You're all too...

@CarolineMoss I tell everyone to go and no one listens. You're all too good to let someone named Brad with a hard-earned MS fix your back while he tells you about moving into his girlfriend's apartment?
Sep 18, 2019

My daughter just referred to the musical note C♯ as C...

My daughter just referred to the musical note C♯ as C hashtag.
Sep 18, 2019

This is one of things I funded with the money from my...

This is one of things I funded with the money from my @WIRED cover defending tech. Worth it. x.com/...
Sep 18, 2019

Look at this doorknob.

Look at this doorknob.
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Sep 17, 2019

I think maybe the worst thing that could happen to a person...

I think maybe the worst thing that could happen to a person is to go online and there are 5 Fast Facts about you on Heavy dot com.
Sep 16, 2019

I will practice this until I get it exactly right.

I will practice this until I get it exactly right.
Sep 15, 2019

what I used to think was me is just a fading memory

what I used to think was me is just a fading memory x.com/...
Sep 15, 2019

Our anniversary is the day before the kids' birthday, so...

Our anniversary is the day before the kids' birthday, so it's this muddle in our brains, mostly a day we run cake-related errands. I always come back to this essay in my head. I thought I was writing about IVF but I was writing about us.
themorningnews.org/... t.co/...
Sep 14, 2019

Daughter: For my eighth birthday I'd like a ukelele. Me:...

Daughter: For my eighth birthday I'd like a ukelele.

Me: Well...at least that's the worst thing imaginable. What about your twin brother?

Son: A synth.
Sep 14, 2019

This is Printer.

This is Printer.
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Sep 13, 2019

A tildeverse-builder named Mike Buchholz...

A tildeverse-builder named Mike Buchholz (info@retrodigital.net) offered to take over tilde.club AND the backlog of 10,000+ people who asked for accounts. I said, that would be a blessing!

If you had an account, it still works. If you asked, they'll be in touch.
Sep 13, 2019

This is a website for silly jokes with friends. Everything...

This is a website for silly jokes with friends. Everything else is scope creep.
Sep 13, 2019

I've never regretted not weighing in on here.

I've never regretted not weighing in on here.
Sep 11, 2019

if gen x knows anything we know that ten thousand is too...

if gen x knows anything we know that ten thousand is too many maniacs
Sep 11, 2019

Feeding the trolls...into a meat grinder.

Feeding the trolls...into a meat grinder. x.com/...
Sep 10, 2019

My phone camera is also ridiculous. The market cap of...

My phone camera is also ridiculous.

The market cap of Google is about half the value of all NYC real estate. Wild to look at like, everything below Canal St and think, that's roughly equivalent to search.
Sep 10, 2019

This city is ridiculous.

This city is ridiculous.
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Sep 9, 2019

Elizabeth Warren nationalize Spotify.

Elizabeth Warren nationalize Spotify.
Sep 8, 2019

Lots of bad for sure but this is a golden age of Fleetwood...

Lots of bad for sure but this is a golden age of Fleetwood Mac covers.
Sep 8, 2019

I mean, 20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Steve Jobs, and...

I mean, 20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Steve Jobs, and William Hurt. And now we don't have any Cash or Jobs, but we still live in a world of Hurt.
Sep 8, 2019

It's wild to me that people prefer “we are all going to die...

It's wild to me that people prefer “we are all going to die in a fiery apocalypse” to “many things will need to change.”
Sep 7, 2019

I'll still shitpost dead memes at random, that's my sacred...

I'll still shitpost dead memes at random, that's my sacred right.
Sep 7, 2019

The norm seems to be: If the artifact was created "outside"...

The norm seems to be: If the artifact was created "outside" the Internet it's fair game for reinterpretation and can be used without attribution; if it came from "here" or near here, attribution is required or you're "stealing." It's a new norm, not a bad one.
Sep 4, 2019

Two faces from the museum.

Two faces from the museum.
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Aug 31, 2019

rebels calling themselves freedom fighters while utterly...

rebels calling themselves freedom fighters while utterly reliant on droid labor is why they can never be truly free
Aug 31, 2019

whatever happened to this other guy

whatever happened to this other guy
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Aug 31, 2019

We went to the animal rescue today to get a dog (my strong...

We went to the animal rescue today to get a dog (my strong preference) or maybe two cats (everyone else's preference) and I can now say that for the next 12-17 years I will be scooping the litterbox of two kittens named Moonlight and Printer.
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