Ftrain, by Paul Ford

July 2012

Jul 31, 2012

your tweet was identified as content-type...

@xor your tweet was identified as content-type terrorism/laserbeams and i don't have a handler
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Jul 31, 2012

Wait web intents were real? You people implemented them?

Wait web intents were real? You people implemented them?
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Jul 31, 2012

I wish to unsubscribe.

I wish to unsubscribe.
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Jul 29, 2012

even when it comes to unassembled furniture?

@letterpress_se even when it comes to unassembled furniture?
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Jul 29, 2012

America means you get to choose your monopoly.

America means you get to choose your monopoly.
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Jul 29, 2012

I Borges'd you in 2001 actually.

@JessieJessup I Borges'd you in 2001 actually.
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Jul 29, 2012

Whoa. Wrote that 11 years ago.

@brainpicker Whoa. Wrote that 11 years ago.
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Jul 29, 2012

Vision of webships hovering over NYC, digital types yelling...

@marcprecipice Vision of webships hovering over NYC, digital types yelling "welcome, friends," followed by the inevitable.
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Jul 29, 2012

Just because SETI hasn't found a way to increase newspaper...

Just because SETI hasn't found a way to increase newspaper revenues doesn't mean there isn't one out there.
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Jul 29, 2012

We can do it bit by bit.

@harrisj We can do it bit by bit.
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Jul 29, 2012

It's about time someone stood up to math.

@harrisj It's about time someone stood up to math.
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Jul 29, 2012

Duh I meant to write "don't event WAN you many."

@ftrain @jobelenus Duh I meant to write "don't event WAN you many."
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Jul 29, 2012

I guess at this point they're less useful for research, and...

@Hungryghoast I guess at this point they're less useful for research, and more suitable for framing.
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Jul 29, 2012

And the rewards outweigh censure because they don't event...

@jobelenus And the rewards outweigh censure because they don't event WANT your money.
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Jul 29, 2012

Aperture cards are a neat zombie medium:...

Aperture cards are a neat zombie medium: en.wikipedia.org/...
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Jul 29, 2012

Faulting NBC for wanting to control Olympics broadcasts is...

Faulting NBC for wanting to control Olympics broadcasts is like blaming Mitt Romney for being a self-serving plutocrat.
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Jul 28, 2012

And also now that I think about it IETF and probably ECMA....

@marcprecipice @danielpunkass And also now that I think about it IETF and probably ECMA. Never seen an ISO mailing list.
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Jul 28, 2012

It's definitely an essential part of the W3C process.

@marcprecipice @danielpunkass It's definitely an essential part of the W3C process.
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Jul 28, 2012

I'll get hardcopy of the WS-* standards and we'll work...

@jeb I'll get hardcopy of the WS-* standards and we'll work through it together. Come over in 2014 when it's done printing.
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Jul 28, 2012

I just love the phrase "WS-* bad."

@marcprecipice I just love the phrase "WS-* bad."
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Jul 28, 2012

"At the end, I reached the conclusion that OAuth 2.0 is a...

"At the end, I reached the conclusion that OAuth 2.0 is a bad protocol," Hammer writes. "WS-* bad." reg.cx/...
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Jul 28, 2012

“Arianna read the business plan over the weekend on...

“Arianna read the business plan over the weekend on Geffen’s yacht” is a story w/out a happy ending cjr.org/...
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Jul 28, 2012

choropleth sounds like something you get removed from your...

choropleth sounds like something you get removed from your colon
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Jul 28, 2012

Nice to read that on a day when I'm doing my best to not...

@om @Contents Nice to read that on a day when I'm doing my best to not finish an article proposal. Back into emacs I go.
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Jul 28, 2012

Midnight in Paris is the movie version of the ermahgerd...

Midnight in Paris is the movie version of the ermahgerd meme. ERMAHGERD GERTRED STEN UR MY FRAVRIT!
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Jul 27, 2012

"We need to meet in the middle, like your eyebrows."

"We need to meet in the middle, like your eyebrows."
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Jul 27, 2012

nice one I will buy it from you with bitcoins

@axlotl @brooklyninteger nice one I will buy it from you with bitcoins
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Jul 27, 2012

Robert Smith was under the stage reading

@elvainadine Robert Smith was under the stage reading
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Jul 27, 2012

did I mention it was a next cube he was using? I did? I did...

@elvainadine did I mention it was a next cube he was using? I did? I did mention that? oh.
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Jul 27, 2012

Now that the decentralized open web is in the Olympics I...

Now that the decentralized open web is in the Olympics I have a sudden urge to read W3C standards.
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Jul 27, 2012

Downton du Soleil

Downton du Soleil
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Jul 27, 2012

Springsteen: "If I repair a little of myself, I’ll repair a...

Springsteen: "If I repair a little of myself, I’ll repair a little of you. That’s the job." newyorker.com/...
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Jul 27, 2012

The DNS stuff herein is fascinating: ...

The DNS stuff herein is fascinating: scripting.com/...
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Jul 27, 2012

Slate loves the tweetmeat http://www.slate.com/articles/tech...

Slate loves the tweetmeat slate.com/...
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Jul 27, 2012

fake dragons are awesome http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/27/a...

fake dragons are awesome nytimes.com/...
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Jul 27, 2012

Important fact: @SEOVaginaDeals has a Klout Influence Score...

Important fact: @SEOVaginaDeals has a Klout Influence Score of 22. klout.com
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Jul 26, 2012

If I wrote a Steve Jobs biography, and I won't, I would...

If I wrote a Steve Jobs biography, and I won't, I would call it Sympathy for the Bevel.
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Jul 26, 2012

And when I wrote "women" I meant "super-powerful killer...

And when I wrote "women" I meant "super-powerful killer robot/horse chimeras."
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Jul 26, 2012

Just in case anyone missed the metaphor, when I wrote...

Just in case anyone missed the metaphor, when I wrote "cannibalistic poop orgies" I meant "Ruby on Rails."
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Jul 26, 2012

The R. Kelly Scholars Program.

@rustyk5 The R. Kelly Scholars Program.
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Jul 26, 2012

How, as a community that lives in sewers under the city, do...

How, as a community that lives in sewers under the city, do we encourage more women to join our cannibalistic poop orgies?
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Jul 26, 2012

sure, I read all replies. Bonus: stopped having fights with...

@mathowie @mat sure, I read all replies. Bonus: stopped having fights with strangers.
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Jul 26, 2012

I follow a few folks at a time on one or two subjects,...

@mathowie @mat I follow a few folks at a time on one or two subjects, rebooting now and then. Makes me happy. Was following 3,000.
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Jul 25, 2012

Reading @mat's tweets about unfollowing everyone on Twitter...

Reading @mat's tweets about unfollowing everyone on Twitter reminds me of why I unfollowed everyone on Twitter.
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Jul 25, 2012

I dig your crazy lingo

@ashponders I dig your crazy lingo
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Jul 25, 2012

The journalism I want would be about humans as herd animals...

The journalism I want would be about humans as herd animals using resources. "Hold Steady Fans Consume 245 Gal. Anchor Steam."
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Jul 25, 2012

it's a liability risk because of the annoying tiny tables

@Choire it's a liability risk because of the annoying tiny tables
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Jul 25, 2012

Ken Silverstein remembers Alexander Cockburn...

Ken Silverstein remembers Alexander Cockburn harpers.org/...
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Jul 25, 2012

Best word used in India: updation

Best word used in India: updation
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Jul 25, 2012

A majestic sort-of story told entirely in English phrases...

A majestic sort-of story told entirely in English phrases common to, or unique to, India: quora.com/...
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Jul 25, 2012

Explaining to a waiter why I'm hilarious.

Explaining to a waiter why I'm hilarious.
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Jul 25, 2012

Isn't meat with two sides really just any meat?

Isn't meat with two sides really just any meat?
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Jul 25, 2012

that's a display bug. I follow zero.

@mattbucher that's a display bug. I follow zero.
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Jul 25, 2012

It appeared before me in Times Square, an apparition....

It appeared before me in Times Square, an apparition. twitter.com/...
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Jul 24, 2012

Full-screen Emacs landed? This is like freaking CHRISTMAS.

@jackrusher Full-screen Emacs landed? This is like freaking CHRISTMAS.
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Jul 24, 2012

Alleged Colorado shooter was bad at Flash, object-oriented...

Alleged Colorado shooter was bad at Flash, object-oriented programming. nydailynews.com/...
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Jul 24, 2012

No one gets on the radio and talks about their childhood...

No one gets on the radio and talks about their childhood all night any more.
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Jul 24, 2012

Fantasizing about some link with now and Shep 50 years ago,...

Fantasizing about some link with now and Shep 50 years ago, talking about "night people."

archive.org/...
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Jul 24, 2012

the Russian bathhouse has lights that change from red to...

@samuelclay the Russian bathhouse has lights that change from red to blue to green all night.
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Jul 24, 2012

Joggers, cabbies, drunks.

Joggers, cabbies, drunks.
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Jul 24, 2012

On ex. bike watching a woman outside in a fancy dress take...

On ex. bike watching a woman outside in a fancy dress take ironic phone shots of misspelled garage ("flats fix," etc), 2:47 am.
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Jul 24, 2012

It's stress but then again it's hardly suffering.

It's stress but then again it's hardly suffering.
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Jul 24, 2012

The part of the project when you wake up at 2am thinking...

The part of the project when you wake up at 2am thinking "dependencies" and go down to the gym and tweet from the exercise bike.
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Jul 23, 2012

In Wired, my pal Ben Austen on maybe being like Steve Jobs...

In Wired, my pal Ben Austen on maybe being like Steve Jobs isn't the only way: wired.com/...
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Jul 23, 2012

My namespace is very flat, which explains why I'm...

@davewiner @richziade My namespace is very flat, which explains why I'm overwhelmed and find communication challenging.
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Jul 23, 2012

I believe pop stars should be able to fly like birds and...

@bestpopacts I believe pop stars should be able to fly like birds and cure colorectal cancer with their laser eyes.
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Jul 23, 2012

According to pop music a dance club is an excellent place...

According to pop music a dance club is an excellent place to find love. This is actually bad advice.
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Jul 22, 2012

21 burned at Tony Robbins hot coal walk (“Unleash the Power...

21 burned at Tony Robbins hot coal walk (“Unleash the Power Within.”) nytimes.com/...
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Jul 22, 2012

Then again, WorldNetDaily is on top of this story of a man...

Then again, WorldNetDaily is on top of this story of a man living as a goat in Utah: wnd.com/...
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Jul 22, 2012

I mean lefty columnists are insufferable, but this is like...

I mean lefty columnists are insufferable, but this is like watching dogs slowly die. townhall.com/...
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Jul 22, 2012

For a project I'm looking for good conservative web...

For a project I'm looking for good conservative web columnists which NO SERIOUSLY HAVE YOU SEEN THIS?
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Jul 22, 2012

hey why don't more javascript interfaces use the scroll...

hey why don't more javascript interfaces use the scroll wheel (26 hours later) in order to stop this we must destroy earth
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Jul 22, 2012

e-mo-tion-use-less-sight-of-pup-py-distract-from-de-ploy-de-...

e-mo-tion-use-less-sight-of-pup-py-distract-from-de-ploy-de-ploy-de-ploy
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Jul 22, 2012

Andyet! Look at numpy--big driver in the Python ecosystem,...

@Soulcoffr Andyet! Look at numpy--big driver in the Python ecosystem, lots of FORTRAN 77 inside. (h/t @jackrusher) docs.scipy.org/...
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Jul 22, 2012

Serious, the SCREEN SECTION just looks so comforting. One...

Serious, the SCREEN SECTION just looks so comforting. One language, one screen, that ozone smell. supportline.microfocus.com/...
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Jul 22, 2012

"I believe emotion is useless because it is largely a...

"I believe emotion is useless because it is largely a distraction." Hacker News 4eva news.ycombinator.com/...
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Jul 22, 2012

As a web geek I think, "I'm gonna learn COBOL. I'll learn...

As a web geek I think, "I'm gonna learn COBOL. I'll learn it once." Short-sleeve shirt and tie. Mandatory picnics. Not bad.
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Jul 21, 2012

It is! Enjoy the twin bouncies and keep us informed.

@yoni It is! Enjoy the twin bouncies and keep us informed.
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Jul 21, 2012

This is all normal.

This is all normal.
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Jul 20, 2012

Last tweet courtesy of @maura's hip-hop party jams playlist...

Last tweet courtesy of @maura's hip-hop party jams playlist open.spotify.com/...
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Jul 20, 2012

Why won't Mitt Romney clarify his buffalo stance?

Why won't Mitt Romney clarify his buffalo stance?
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Jul 20, 2012

My other panda is red.

My other panda is red.
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Jul 20, 2012

what is this seahorse captain? seahorse seashell captain?

what is this seahorse captain? seahorse seashell captain?
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Jul 20, 2012

RABIES! http://www.theawl.com/2012/07/rabid-a-cultural-histo...

RABIES! theawl.com/...
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Jul 20, 2012

I wish I could join Svbtle so I could start a blog called...

I wish I could join Svbtle so I could start a blog called Jvggs.
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Jul 20, 2012

outrage will fix this

outrage will fix this
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Jul 19, 2012

I'm Skeksi and I know it.

@goldman I'm Skeksi and I know it.
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Jul 19, 2012

I like a movie with soul-stealing.

I like a movie with soul-stealing.
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Jul 19, 2012

wait blogging has an essence? what is that? is it ambergris...

wait blogging has an essence? what is that? is it ambergris that yells at you?
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Jul 19, 2012

Drums please

Drums please
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Jul 18, 2012

i always thought that was just people covering up their...

@jamieforrest i always thought that was just people covering up their chin herpes
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Jul 18, 2012

If only someone on this social network would break the...

If only someone on this social network would break the silence about how much they love coffee.
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Jul 18, 2012

Right. I still have the problem with snacks, sadly. These...

@dakotasmith Right. I still have the problem with snacks, sadly. These Wheat Thins will solve everything.
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Jul 18, 2012

There is an "emergency action plan stairway familiarization...

There is an "emergency action plan stairway familiarization plan" currently underway in my skyscraper.
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Jul 18, 2012

Dear @ftrain, A cigarette will not solve this...

Dear @ftrain,

A cigarette will not solve this problem.

With Sincere Regards,

@ftrain
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Jul 18, 2012

you can have both!

@miahfost you can have both!
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Jul 17, 2012

"I thought it was a Sandra Oh movie but it turned out to be...

"I thought it was a Sandra Oh movie but it turned out to be a Heather Graham movie."
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Jul 17, 2012

Tara man now that is a song that saxophone

@anildash Tara man now that is a song that saxophone
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Jul 17, 2012

Now that she's older Sade always prefers unsweetened taboo.

Now that she's older Sade always prefers unsweetened taboo.
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Jul 17, 2012

Now that she's older Sade always prefers unsweetened taboo.q

Now that she's older Sade always prefers unsweetened taboo.q
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Jul 17, 2012

be careful or I'll start talking about Avalon

@anildash be careful or I'll start talking about Avalon
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Jul 17, 2012

As a day how else could it end but sitting alone in a...

As a day how else could it end but sitting alone in a Chipotle, listening to Roxy Music, counting calories in a burrito bowl.
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Jul 17, 2012

A friend just messaged me "Talk tomorrow, I can't wait to...

A friend just messaged me "Talk tomorrow, I can't wait to fill you" and I'm sitting here waiting and waiting for the "in."
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Jul 17, 2012

The world in which "I didn't read it" is considered a book...

The world in which "I didn't read it" is considered a book review.
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Jul 16, 2012

"On A Stupendous Leg of Granite, Discovered Standing by...

"On A Stupendous Leg of Granite, Discovered Standing by Itself in the Deserts of Egypt, with the Inscription Inserted Below"
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Jul 16, 2012

Ozymandias was written in competition on a theme; the other...

Ozymandias was written in competition on a theme; the other poem is not as good. en.m.wikipedia.org/...
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Jul 16, 2012

We ordered two Ranch Wraps, one burger, and one mango...

We ordered two Ranch Wraps, one burger, and one mango McFlurry." eyetap.blogspot.ca
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Jul 16, 2012

God you know you just pointed out something important about...

@AlexMLeo God you know you just pointed out something important about salads that I've never thought through but they often ARE
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Jul 16, 2012

Offered without commentary

Offered without commentary
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Jul 16, 2012

Yeah except old me would have been like wait there's HOW...

@Phil_Elmore Yeah except old me would have been like wait there's HOW MUCH Internet? Bring it on.
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Jul 16, 2012

My son just "deployed" a "major release."

@kendall My son just "deployed" a "major release."
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Jul 16, 2012

Mon aft & home with yelling twins and a wife on Cipro...

Mon aft & home with yelling twins and a wife on Cipro emailing re: code issues means that I was right to give this week the finger.
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Jul 16, 2012

I'll be there tomorrow with a tiny, tiny laptop and an...

@HugoLindgren I'll be there tomorrow with a tiny, tiny laptop and an espresso from the Dean and DeLuca.
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Jul 16, 2012

Oh for you it's all hugs, but three weeks after I'd hoped...

@jeremy_keehn Oh for you it's all hugs, but three weeks after I'd hoped to hug. Speaking of which, August.
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Jul 16, 2012

You need to buy or do the other thing.

@tharsheblows You need to buy or do the other thing.
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Jul 16, 2012

Special (1″ × 2″) Advertising Section: Monaco

Special (1″ × 2″) Advertising Section: Monaco
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Jul 16, 2012

Can one-page magazine have tiny ads? A two-panel...

@hugolindgren Can one-page magazine have tiny ads? A two-panel Matchbox/Lexus spread. Tourism Rhode Island. Corcoran Dollhouses.
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Jul 16, 2012

Shapeways Möbius dice let you roll snake eyes every time...

Shapeways Möbius dice let you roll snake eyes every time shapeways.com/... via @mathupdate
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Jul 16, 2012

Entering the week with eyes shut tight, arms extended, and...

Entering the week with eyes shut tight, arms extended, and both middle fingers up.
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Jul 16, 2012

All you really need to do to be happy.

All you really need to do to be happy.
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Jul 15, 2012

Something the old you would have loved but for which the...

Something the old you would have loved but for which the current you does not have time.
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Jul 15, 2012

I DREAM of potty rocking.

@anildash I DREAM of potty rocking.
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Jul 15, 2012

Should there be a national apology for party rocking?

Should there be a national apology for party rocking?
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Jul 15, 2012

I had the same reaction, but when they discussed water...

@inthefade I had the same reaction, but when they discussed water rights issues.
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Jul 15, 2012

Image of two middle-aged married dudes slapping each other...

Image of two middle-aged married dudes slapping each other going "She's my sister and my daughter!" nytimes.com/...
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Jul 15, 2012

We liked the same songs off Dylan’s “Blonde on Blonde,” the...

We liked the same songs off Dylan’s “Blonde on Blonde,” the same lines from “Chinatown.” -- nytimes.com/... GET MARRIED ALREADY
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Jul 14, 2012

weirdly enough that actually is part of API project...

@harrisj weirdly enough that actually is part of API project management
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Jul 14, 2012

You're typing in one now.

@thesamstark You're typing in one now.
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Jul 14, 2012

Oh man I would love to but I have four hours with the QA...

@harrisj Oh man I would love to but I have four hours with the QA guys today to discuss the test plan.
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Jul 13, 2012

The movie Thor is like a super hi-res Minecraft.

The movie Thor is like a super hi-res Minecraft.
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Jul 13, 2012

Wait actually the guy this is for works for Twitter now.

@harrisj Wait actually the guy this is for works for Twitter now.
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Jul 13, 2012

Right now actually I am an API product manager. No, that's...

Right now actually I am an API product manager. No, that's a real thing. Oh sure, near the kitchen, it says MEN.
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Jul 13, 2012

I've been praying for this moment my entire life.

@Spinchange I've been praying for this moment my entire life.
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Jul 13, 2012

"Performed from inside a translucent plastic tube made by...

"Performed from inside a translucent plastic tube made by collaborator Lillian Gerson" deepwhitesound.com
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Jul 13, 2012

"two pieces, the first over half an hour long, comprised of...

"two pieces, the first over half an hour long, comprised of manipulated phone message recordings of judy garland" deepwhitesound.com
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Jul 13, 2012

"nr band is the side project of damian lyman and thomas...

"nr band is the side project of damian lyman and thomas cassady (of an exciting new bears club)." deepwhitesound.com
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Jul 13, 2012

abrasive, harsh noise spoken word album . . . including...

abrasive, harsh noise spoken word album . . . including portions of BDSM pornography -- deepwhitesound.com
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Jul 13, 2012

http://deepwhitesound.com has the best album descriptions I...

deepwhitesound.com has the best album descriptions I have ever read.
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Jul 13, 2012

New Yorkers who use porn, now is your chance to appear as a...

New Yorkers who use porn, now is your chance to appear as a data point in an artfully-composed essay: nplusonemag.com/...
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Jul 13, 2012

Awakened by a paw on the chin.

Awakened by a paw on the chin.
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Jul 13, 2012

Oh shit too sentimental

Oh shit too sentimental
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Jul 13, 2012

oh that's awesome

@oubliette oh that's awesome
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Jul 13, 2012

kids ignore Aunt Claire she ruins everything sweet

@clairezg kids ignore Aunt Claire she ruins everything sweet
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Jul 12, 2012

Q train over the Manhattan Bridge 2x daily.

@lauraolin Q train over the Manhattan Bridge 2x daily.
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Jul 12, 2012

The train over the bridge. To the twins, 2032: This more...

The train over the bridge. To the twins, 2032: This more than money is why you are here, is what we want you to have. twitter.com/...
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Jul 12, 2012

without a DOUBT. Also Dolly sends free books to kids. Our...

@ECava without a DOUBT. Also Dolly sends free books to kids. Our house is a Dolly house.
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Jul 12, 2012

you just described Internet

@joeljohnson you just described Internet
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Jul 12, 2012

Here we are, the ghost and the ghost-to-be, sharing a civic...

Here we are, the ghost and the ghost-to-be, sharing a civic bench. Polite distance. Wish I had a hat to tip. twitter.com/...
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Jul 12, 2012

I would like to formally thank the dead for our...

I would like to formally thank the dead for our infrastructure. Before I get on the train and lose signal.
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Jul 12, 2012

All these women and men dreaming of benches and parks and...

All these women and men dreaming of benches and parks and free public lectures. Fantasizing about abstract future folk. Guessing at us.
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Jul 12, 2012

At Herald Square enjoying all the people before I get on...

At Herald Square enjoying all the people before I get on the the train. Sometimes you just get enraptured of infrastructure, you know?
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Jul 12, 2012

Dolly Parton in Jolene is essentially a lawyer in the court...

Dolly Parton in Jolene is essentially a lawyer in the court of doomed love.
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Jul 12, 2012

Also has anyone noticed how perfect Jolene is,...

Also has anyone noticed how perfect Jolene is, rhetorically? Appeal to beauty followed by pleading to not take man.
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Jul 12, 2012

Had a couple of beers at the Thoughtworks reception at...

Had a couple of beers at the Thoughtworks reception at their NYC offices and now I can refactor the WORLoh god where am I
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Jul 12, 2012

depends on your defiknition of institution

@kellan depends on your defiknition of institution
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Jul 12, 2012

many people think Starbucks is a textbox

@dylnmasn many people think Starbucks is a textbox
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Jul 12, 2012

My other textbox is in the margins of this copy of Being...

My other textbox is in the margins of this copy of Being and Time.
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Jul 12, 2012

"My other textbox is a Moleskine." Is a thing that no one...

"My other textbox is a Moleskine." Is a thing that no one actually said but if they did I'd punch them in their vest.
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Jul 12, 2012

no people dammit i am seriously ready to be operationalized

no people dammit i am seriously ready to be operationalized
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Jul 12, 2012

Someone just offered to operationalize me what is the...

Someone just offered to operationalize me what is the etiquette?
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Jul 12, 2012

Dude your nails are the shit right now also I just learned...

@RachelFersh @RickWebb @emilyhughes Dude your nails are the shit right now also I just learned skorts are coming back is this true?
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Jul 12, 2012

Comparing "advertising" to "content strategy" is like...

@RachelFersh @RickWebb Comparing "advertising" to "content strategy" is like comparing the Roman Empire to skorts.
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Jul 12, 2012

PIRANHA HUNT http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/jul/11/chi...

PIRANHA HUNT guardian.co.uk/...
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Jul 12, 2012

Citigroup VPs in the park talking cleanses makes me feel so...

@mslopatto Citigroup VPs in the park talking cleanses makes me feel so Taxi Driver.
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Jul 12, 2012

reading that I kept opening my mouth and saying things like...

@mslopatto reading that I kept opening my mouth and saying things like "buh" and "neh"
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Jul 11, 2012

I think you should spell it the way that feels best

@mariabustillos I think you should spell it the way that feels best
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Jul 11, 2012

"Why do you need two books?" "I might change my mind." "But...

"Why do you need two books?" "I might change my mind." "But you're taking a shower."
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Jul 11, 2012

That statement is only accurate if you say it in a robot...

@jackrusher @jackcheng @maxfenton That statement is only accurate if you say it in a robot voice while pivoting your forearms.
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Jul 11, 2012

Alan Kay: "I don't have an enormous desire to help...

Alan Kay: "I don't have an enormous desire to help children, but I have an enormous desire to create better adults." drdobbs.com/...
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Jul 11, 2012

Unless it's the victim telling the jokes.

@felixsalmon Unless it's the victim telling the jokes.
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Jul 11, 2012

Things that are never funny are often hilarious.

Things that are never funny are often hilarious.
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Jul 11, 2012

The Internet means always having to say you're sorry.

The Internet means always having to say you're sorry.
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Jul 10, 2012

also we saw a naked dude in wash sq park

@anildash @rafeco also we saw a naked dude in wash sq park
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Jul 10, 2012

I've been funneling Gutenberg texts through @readability...

I've been funneling Gutenberg texts through @readability (requires a proxy due to Gutenberg AWS rules) and it's, well, readable.
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Jul 10, 2012

I mean EVERY conversation, including conversations about...

@Mike_FTW @philipmatix I mean EVERY conversation, including conversations about kissing, going to the park, and shirts.
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Jul 10, 2012

I imagine this one is pretty low on her list of sighs.

@ashponders @Mike_FTW I imagine this one is pretty low on her list of sighs.
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Jul 10, 2012

plus-sized bourgeoisie

plus-sized bourgeoisie
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Jul 10, 2012

I wish you could just politely ask "Does this involve...

I wish you could just politely ask "Does this involve money?" at the outset of every conversation. "And if so how much?"
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Jul 10, 2012

My head is populated by assholes.

My head is populated by assholes.
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Jul 10, 2012

By "here" I mean inside my head. No one actually said that.

By "here" I mean inside my head. No one actually said that.
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Jul 10, 2012

Someone here just said "Let's pivot on lunch."

Someone here just said "Let's pivot on lunch."
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Jul 10, 2012

Except Iverson! Annotating Knuth! In J! As I said to...

@djacobs Except Iverson! Annotating Knuth! In J! As I said to @jackrusher, it's so crazy it just might work.
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Jul 10, 2012

Tower of Hanoi in J: T=: 0:`(1:+2:*T@<:) @. * " 0 ...

Tower of Hanoi in J:
T=: 0:`(1:+2:*T@<:) @. * " 0
T x=: i. 10
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Jul 10, 2012

So that I can be mystified twice!

So that I can be mystified twice!
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Jul 9, 2012

You know who else extended copyright?

You know who else extended copyright?
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Jul 9, 2012

Strauss, working to extend German copyright from 30 to 50...

Strauss, working to extend German copyright from 30 to 50 years, dedicated a score to Goebbels.
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Jul 9, 2012

I wish this speech synthesizer had an Aaron Neville setting.

I wish this speech synthesizer had an Aaron Neville setting.
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Jul 9, 2012

There is inside my head a little voice that

There is inside my head a little voice that
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Jul 9, 2012

are you still going to TEDxPoynter?

@billwasik are you still going to TEDxPoynter?
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Jul 9, 2012

Mostly to liquidate my inventory of Mrs. Brownfield's...

Mostly to liquidate my inventory of Mrs. Brownfield's cookies.
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Jul 9, 2012

I'm launching a health-food brand called Nature's Shame.

I'm launching a health-food brand called Nature's Shame.
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Jul 9, 2012

But who is going to cover all the gizms?

But who is going to cover all the gizms?
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Jul 9, 2012

"Just didn't stand a chance with publishing dying and all."

"Just didn't stand a chance with publishing dying and all."
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Jul 9, 2012

One bright spot is that, starting around 2021, I can start...

One bright spot is that, starting around 2021, I can start to blame the sales numbers on my novel on the death of publishing.
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Jul 9, 2012

Let's not beat up on journalists. Many of them are...

@PenLlawen Let's not beat up on journalists. Many of them are dedicated people with a calling. Let's beat up on bankers.
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Jul 9, 2012

Hopefully we can retrain everyone on data journalism, or as...

Hopefully we can retrain everyone on data journalism, or as I like to call it, pictures.
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Jul 9, 2012

Thank you! I regret the error.

@speedysnail Thank you! I regret the error.
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Jul 9, 2012

It's like reading B. Kliban's 100 or 101 uses for a dead...

It's like reading B. Kliban's 100 or 101 uses for a dead cat, but with newspapers.
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Jul 9, 2012

Cheerful Monday read about the future of newspapers from...

Cheerful Monday read about the future of newspapers from @carr2n nytimes.com/... Oh god the exits are clogged with bodies
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Jul 8, 2012

Staying awake means more weekend.

Staying awake means more weekend.
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Jul 8, 2012

Can I call not answering emails "timeshifting"?

Can I call not answering emails "timeshifting"?
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Jul 8, 2012

Say what you will about Maroon 5,

Say what you will about Maroon 5,
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Jul 8, 2012

with total clarity. Was awesome.

@LyonsMusic with total clarity. Was awesome.
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Jul 7, 2012

(I've seen it elsewhere--MetaFilter years ago--and heard...

(I've seen it elsewhere--MetaFilter years ago--and heard it. That was what I found when searching.)
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Jul 7, 2012

"When the left forms a firing line it forms a circle."

"When the left forms a firing line it forms a circle."
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Jul 7, 2012

I want it on an animated T-shirt.

@sippey I want it on an animated T-shirt.
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Jul 7, 2012

Comm. ACM: “Not only the possibility of being able to track...

Comm. ACM: “Not only the possibility of being able to track house elves but promising directions for future work.” #pg72" target="_blank" rel="noopener">http://mags.acm.org/communications/201207/#pg72
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Jul 7, 2012

Central place theory: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Central_P...

Central place theory: en.wikipedia.org/...
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Jul 7, 2012

There's a 50 Shades of Grey/Modelland mashup waiting to...

There's a 50 Shades of Grey/Modelland mashup waiting to happen.
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Jul 7, 2012

Would.

Would.
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Jul 6, 2012

on the radio right now http://www.wnyc.org/shows/lopate/2012...

@rosecrans on the radio right now wnyc.org/...
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Jul 5, 2012

But you have an Air

@tclancy But you have an Air
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Jul 5, 2012

It made my life better as I slaked my thirst for geography.

@SURPRISINGer It made my life better as I slaked my thirst for geography.
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Jul 5, 2012

Just noticed I'm rapidly losing followers tonight, so here...

Just noticed I'm rapidly losing followers tonight, so here are some handy software tips: Cock.
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Jul 5, 2012

is why i'm not allowed to wear my free hugs shirt to bars

@phyllisstein is why i'm not allowed to wear my free hugs shirt to bars
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Jul 5, 2012

The waffles, @KuraFire, are in a circle with their backs to...

The waffles, @KuraFire, are in a circle with their backs to me, leaking strawberry jam.
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Jul 5, 2012

god microsoft did us a favor by ruining start me up in 1995

god microsoft did us a favor by ruining start me up in 1995
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Jul 5, 2012

This year's Geography Unconference is in Doggerland.

This year's Geography Unconference is in Doggerland.
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Jul 5, 2012

careful she might hear you

@sjweinreich careful she might hear you
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Jul 5, 2012

the male taze

the male taze
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Jul 5, 2012

come now i have grouped things into verticals and i bet you...

@kissane come now i have grouped things into verticals and i bet you have too.
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Jul 5, 2012

okay so true story i watched the launch of wolfram alpha on...

@kissane okay so true story i watched the launch of wolfram alpha on streaming video. it was just dudes looking at servers.
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Jul 5, 2012

Oh man @sjweinreich when Canadians just stare at each other...

Oh man @sjweinreich when Canadians just stare at each other longingly that's what feminists call the maple gaze.
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Jul 5, 2012

did you see the pentagram? this is basically seasons 3–7 of...

@kissane did you see the pentagram? this is basically seasons 3–7 of Angel.
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Jul 5, 2012

wait there is a burning pentagram behind that man's head

@stringbot wait there is a burning pentagram behind that man's head
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Jul 5, 2012

i give you until 11

@kissane i give you until 11
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Jul 5, 2012

Seriously @kissane my whole reality just synegrated. It's...

Seriously @kissane my whole reality just synegrated. It's like when I found a web shop in 1997 called Final Solution.
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Jul 5, 2012

Is it still a male gaze like even if I'm just looking at a...

Is it still a male gaze like even if I'm just looking at a plate of hot waffles with syrup? Also what's your Sunday morning?
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Jul 5, 2012

it's syn-e-great!

@nslater it's syn-e-great!
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Jul 5, 2012

e•gra•tion™

e•gra•tion™
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Jul 5, 2012

syn•

syn•
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Jul 5, 2012

syn•e•gra•tion™

syn•e•gra•tion™
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Jul 5, 2012

“syn•e•gra•tion™” http://www.stargroup1.com/

“syn•e•gra•tion™” stargroup1.com
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Jul 5, 2012

Weaponized malware, drones, the customer, big data,...

Weaponized malware, drones, the customer, big data, overparenting, synegration, the basically good person
#hl=en&safe=off&sclient=psy-ab&q=%22welcome+to+the+age+of" target="_blank" rel="noopener">https://www.google.com/#hl=en&safe=off&sclient=psy-ab&q=%22welcome+to+the+age+of
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Jul 5, 2012

"Adullam, their testimony; their prey; their ornament"...

"Adullam, their testimony; their prey; their ornament" en.wikipedia.org/...
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Jul 5, 2012

welcome to the age of

welcome to the age of
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Jul 5, 2012

I bet future archaeologists will look back on our era and...

I bet future archaeologists will look back on our era and go, "Erblap blook hrml," because why would they speak English?
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Jul 5, 2012

it's on one of the benches. If you've ever seen a chicken...

@Dymaxion it's on one of the benches. If you've ever seen a chicken bone, it's like that but there's a guy looking at it.
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Jul 5, 2012

More of an accident than willful I think. Who litters just...

More of an accident than willful I think. Who litters just one chicken bone? Now my train is here but I'm not fully done with the bone.
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Jul 5, 2012

There is something compelling about the well-gnawed chicken...

There is something compelling about the well-gnawed chicken bone on the Church Ave. subway platform. It's just a chicken bone.
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Jul 5, 2012

They feel great!

@kendall They feel great!
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Jul 5, 2012

This woman's body just turned into a Starbucks.

This woman's body just turned into a Starbucks.
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Jul 5, 2012

i publicly apologize to my wife for feeding the babies too...

i publicly apologize to my wife for feeding the babies too many mashed apricots yesterday
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Jul 5, 2012

this mild darkwave just became hyperdub

@unbornwhiskey this mild darkwave just became hyperdub
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Jul 5, 2012

oh well ho doggies i am around, next week or week after

@quinnnorton oh well ho doggies i am around, next week or week after
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Jul 5, 2012

Collectively the U.S. is about to drop 60 IQ points,...

@ChadwickMatlin Collectively the U.S. is about to drop 60 IQ points, meaning all of them.
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Jul 5, 2012

This U.S. election just turned into a woman's body.

This U.S. election just turned into a woman's body.
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Jul 5, 2012

I like my ideas venti with a ton of sugar with a consistent...

@benpopper I like my ideas venti with a ton of sugar with a consistent texture.
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Jul 5, 2012

This Apple launch event just became a U.S. presidential...

This Apple launch event just became a U.S. presidential election.
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Jul 5, 2012

This Ideas Festival just became an Apple launch event.

This Ideas Festival just became an Apple launch event.
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Jul 5, 2012

This Starbucks is now an Ideas Festival.

This Starbucks is now an Ideas Festival.
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Jul 5, 2012

It's 8:52 am and you're tuned to 94 WHYGODWHY.

It's 8:52 am and you're tuned to 94 WHYGODWHY.
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Jul 5, 2012

It upsets me when the temperature could also be an FM radio...

It upsets me when the temperature could also be an FM radio station.
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Jul 4, 2012

I keep going back and reading more and they keep getting...

@morrick I keep going back and reading more and they keep getting weirder, more and more twists and turns.
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Jul 4, 2012

Chart: Spelling vs. angels https://twitter.com/ftrain/status...

Chart: Spelling vs. angels twitter.com/...
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Jul 4, 2012

"dead relatives told me there is no god" is huh whoa

@kayayarai "dead relatives told me there is no god" is huh whoa
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Jul 4, 2012

FBI Agent saw angels in warrior garb at 9/11 crash site:...

FBI Agent saw angels in warrior garb at 9/11 crash site: wnd.com/...
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Jul 4, 2012

It is, and pt. taken, but it just looks so weird unsqueezed.

@aresnick It is, and pt. taken, but it just looks so weird unsqueezed.
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Jul 4, 2012

"The movie has been on the gay radar since the production...

"The movie has been on the gay radar since the production was announced..." No portmanteau @ NYT nytimes.com/...
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Jul 4, 2012

Let's be honest:

Let's be honest:
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Jul 3, 2012

I'm not actually drunk.

I'm not actually drunk.
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Jul 3, 2012

Fuck it I'm drunk I might as well come out and say that I...

Fuck it I'm drunk I might as well come out and say that I still love Richard Brautigan.
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Jul 3, 2012

Oh Q train you are so hilarious and quirky going express...

Oh Q train you are so hilarious and quirky going express like that
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Jul 3, 2012

I mean doggies are cool I've seen doggies live a zillion...

I mean doggies are cool I've seen doggies live a zillion times but did you at least consider Dead Sea Apes? en.m.wikipedia.org/...
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Jul 3, 2012

somehow Heinlein makes everything worse

@kzwa somehow Heinlein makes everything worse
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Jul 3, 2012

Really, I said to my son, doggies? That's what you're into?...

Really, I said to my son, doggies? That's what you're into? Because even though he's 9 months old it seems kind of obvious.
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Jul 3, 2012

aw shit ben looks like you just became a starbucks

@benjaminjackson aw shit ben looks like you just became a starbucks
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Jul 3, 2012

you know who else liked big flags in parks?

@tide you know who else liked big flags in parks?
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Jul 3, 2012

God of love in heaven who makes all things possible, praise...

God of love in heaven who makes all things possible, praise him, is now a Starbucks.
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Jul 3, 2012

Somehow I know those hugs aren't free.

Somehow I know those hugs aren't free.
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Jul 3, 2012

2013 SXSW PanelPicker Now Accepting Complaints About How...

2013 SXSW PanelPicker Now Accepting Complaints About How SXSW is No Longer Relevant
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Jul 3, 2012

Circle complete

@rustyk5 Circle complete
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Jul 3, 2012

the incredibly hot dense matter that exploded and formed...

@rustyk5 the incredibly hot dense matter that exploded and formed the universe was actually a small local chain until it got bought out
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Jul 3, 2012

Congrats to my 10,000th follower @seo_vagina_deals!

Congrats to my 10,000th follower @seo_vagina_deals!
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Jul 3, 2012

Given how many Starbucks are now in our malls do coffee...

@anildash @rustyk5 Given how many Starbucks are now in our malls do coffee people really have the right to complain?
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Jul 3, 2012

It goes to the subatomic level.

@kiplet It goes to the subatomic level.
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Jul 3, 2012

A bunch of people told me that racism has become a Peet's,...

@rustyk5 A bunch of people told me that racism has become a Peet's, but I went to the mall and it's still there.
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Jul 3, 2012

True, we both have way too many moving parts.

@smalera True, we both have way too many moving parts.
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Jul 3, 2012

My computer and I both wake up at the same speed.

My computer and I both wake up at the same speed.
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Jul 3, 2012

Spirit of Eden by Talk Talk is now a Starbucks.

@rustyk5 Spirit of Eden by Talk Talk is now a Starbucks.
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Jul 3, 2012

Richard Feynman is now a Starbucks.

@rustyk5 Richard Feynman is now a Starbucks.
➛
Jul 3, 2012

and yet what we have while less solid is way more venti

@tharsheblows and yet what we have while less solid is way more venti
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Jul 3, 2012

the Democratic party is now a Starbucks

@rustyk5 the Democratic party is now a Starbucks
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Jul 3, 2012

Leisuretown is now a Starbucks.

@rustyk5 Leisuretown is now a Starbucks.
➛
Jul 3, 2012

My love for you is now a Starbucks.

My love for you is now a Starbucks.
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Jul 2, 2012

The site of the Munich terrorist attacks? Actually now it's...

@michelet The site of the Munich terrorist attacks? Actually now it's a Starbucks.
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Jul 2, 2012

Studio 54? Did you know that it shut down? And now it's a...

Studio 54? Did you know that it shut down? And now it's a Starbucks? Church of the Holy Sepulcher? Did you know....
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Jul 2, 2012

You can basically say "and now that's a Starbucks" about...

You can basically say "and now that's a Starbucks" about any location in history and it sounds reasonable.
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Jul 2, 2012

So many goals, so little will.

So many goals, so little will.
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Jul 2, 2012

Perfect! And yet depressing.

@serial_consign Perfect! And yet depressing.
➛
Jul 2, 2012

The perfect passive-aggressive Kickstarter project is for a...

The perfect passive-aggressive Kickstarter project is for a book against crowdsourcing.
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Jul 2, 2012

Is it wrong to want to Kickstarter passive-aggressively? So...

Is it wrong to want to Kickstarter passive-aggressively? So that when it fails I'll know you all suck and lack follow-through?
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Jul 2, 2012

I am the Woody Guthrie of office documents. This...

I am the Woody Guthrie of office documents. This spreadsheet kills blockers.
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Jul 2, 2012

Wait, Anderson Cooper is white?

Wait, Anderson Cooper is white?
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Jul 2, 2012

You know who else enforced Terms of Service?

You know who else enforced Terms of Service?
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Jul 2, 2012

On the train on the bridge watching a woman learn suffixes...

On the train on the bridge watching a woman learn suffixes from flashcards.
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Jul 1, 2012

none but well within the range of possibility

@eschorama none but well within the range of possibility
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Jul 1, 2012

This beach at Gravesend Bay has a surprising number of...

This beach at Gravesend Bay has a surprising number of people either peeing or smoking.
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Jul 1, 2012

The other level that I played you have to go to a town...

@jeremymeyers The other level that I played you have to go to a town meeting and talk about zoning.
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Jul 1, 2012

Mom brought home Call of Civic Duty by accident and it...

Mom brought home Call of Civic Duty by accident and it sucks. You level up by picking up trash off the highway.
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