Ftrain, by Paul Ford

I have a friend who once starred on a TV show. When he meets people they say, "I thought you'd be taller." He says: "So did I."

2: 58pm Paul Ford just said "wrestling." While he was referring to a problem, the audience can't help but believe there are some subtle implications for the other panelists. Physical intimidation bonus.

The above is from an online review of a panel on which I appeared. I was also given a "4" for fashion, out of 10. Okay. But I wore what fit best. I don't have many clothes right now.

Anyway, fair enough; I was on stage and unpaid, my normal state of being, and so must accept dull gags about my size recorded, for eternity, in the archives of a prominent design blog.

Strangers only see giant. It also doesn't work to my benefit that I have a brutish face. No matter how much I lose, or how carefully I tune a line of prose, I'll look like a guy you watch carefully when he moves your sofa. Anything I do in public needs to be filtered through that understanding. My size is the heffalump in the room.

They should see me with the kittens; they should see me with my wife. They can't see, though, this being a conference of Web designers. They like packaging, and treat it as art. But note that all the mouths are open in the exact same way.

Weight: 299 lbs