October 21, 2014 - Breakfast

Yesterday a good day. Had huge fancy lunch and wasn't hungry at night so skipped dinner. Have a certain urgency from bike rides. Going to try to keep that urgency moving. The general malaise I'm feeling after Tom's death is how I grieve, I'm realizing: Nothing concrete as much as the basic foundation of my life gets shaken out from under me and I find myself dipping very low, with a sense of uncertainty and instability--looking at the kids and going, how will we survive in this fragile world, things like that. I envy the religious sometimes quite a bit. It absolutely makes sense to me that human consciousness would come up with religious faith as a means of organizing that sense of spiraling chaos. Mo made me an egg sandwich for breakfast since I didn't have dinner. Both children woke up in bad moods and whined and cried for twenty straight minutes as we got them dressed.