August 13, 2009 - Breakfast
Waking early. Coffee. Water. Cereal.
Reading more and more medical papers, thinking things through, talking it out with [Wife]--"You're handsome; you'll get a ton of attention," she said. That sounds terrible. If I have a goal it is not to be thin and handsome; it is to be invisible, away from the world of the corpulent as well as the world of the thin. To remove myself from this extremely stupid national dialogue.
Catching my great belly in the mirror, and it is a fearsome nakedness, grabbing the flesh, nodding--I feel obligated not to health but to penitence. As if I must go before the court of ectomorphs with their praying-mantis faces and pursed beaks and tall wigs. Unless I crawl to them with apologies for fatness, asking forbearance and safe passage through their parched kingdom, unless I beat my flabby head against their bone-paved floors, I will never truly be among them.
I loved every piece of fried chicken I ever ate, every Budweiser I ever drank. I'll have no shame for embracing our civilization fully, with my every metabolic pathway. It was my patriotic duty to be a monolithic creature. Do I offend? Good.
I don't want to be among the mantises. I don't want to be fat or thin or "normal"; I want to be postmorphic.
| Food | Qty | Calories |
|---|---|---|
| Blueberries, 1 oz. | 4 | 64 |
| Cereal, Weatabix, Organic, 2 biscuits | 120 | |
| Cereal, fibrous, 2/3 cup | 0.8 | 60 |
| Milk, no fat, 1 c. | 90 | |
| Total | 334 |
Weight: 336 lbs