How I Broke Up With My Long-Term Girlfriend
Summarizing the long-distance end.
Here’s how I broke up with my long-distance girlfriend: I filed her email, threw out pink leg razors, untied silk neckties from the bedposts, and changed the dirty sheets. I reset the speed dial on the phone, deeply sniffed a forgotten pair of panties, boxed them and addressed the box with a black marker, then planned a diet, and finally sorted through a mental list of women that might sleep with me. The list was point-five women long.