December 2014 BY Paul Ford 2014 576 Sections ttyl wait I thought we already were hmmmmmmmm toph THIS is updog. In retrospect it WAS suspicious that the bank statements... yeah this fake horn is chafing the shit out of me john The thing to remember is that while some of us are... it took...well it took a while s͈̯o͈̯ s͈̯a͈̯d͈̯ "if" i want to die another good friend, @KenSilverstein1, just got on Twitter... but not annoying guitar vocalists types who would frum be in star wars max no surprise that everyone in the media wants that little... The thing is I have no way of reaching this person, the... they both screenshot text? it's enormous now! lolol so many stories at once let it happen. I did :/ they are fantastic OMG last year I'm 40 oh god "maybe his fucking wife is fucking funny did he think about... damnnnnnnnnnn everyone needs to go to bed RIGHT NOW i guess i could have used email I want to get caught up on Goebbels in 2015. i mean honestly cookie jam illustrates the tweet better... NEEDS MORE COOOOOOKIEEEEE JAMMMMMM COOKIE JAMMMMMMM if you doxx a fridge are there still chilling effects? proud of u exactly. also they have the look so right. half new order... Sounds fun! Like anything, it's going to change and evolve... It sounds nice except for the snake people. it's soooo good yes! i thought that as well. it's a great photo. this is exactly my use case you don't follow me and I am NOT asking you to but i can't... this is shitpic as a shell script so spaass that's a $34 billion idea like you want to make a giant automated catalog of data... There are multiple alternate paths--spidering DOM,... Website as opposed to web page, right? This was a big... this is how i feel whenever we tweet... okay now that I'm poking it's a little edge-casey but yeah,... https://twitter.com/ftrain/status/546780139728936960/photo/1 l;hjkasdhjl;ashjl;asdg oh yeah imagemagick is one of those, it requires EVERYTHING i mean i think so. i'll help if it's not. everything you need is already installed on... stellar sorry, no difference besides rotation, so it must be... i mean it's just a guess, but there's no difference between... oh wow i forgot tilde club, i have to deal with that, too,... no, that's a twitter REPLACEMENT it's actually WEIRDER! i'll tweet out what I found in a sec there is singularity on all of our hands EXACTLY yeah but the way twitter processes images it's cutting out... the overhead on simple one box stuff is huge aws seems to be heading, with stuff like lambda, towards a... digital ocean is the simplified version—much like old ssh... No need, I run the emulator. I think i'm getting off twitter for a while so let's fall... oh god me neither whoa! https://collection.cooperhewitt.org/objects/18730669/ I can't write sci-fi either and it worked out fine. i'm usually zero shame but this was a year of shame for me okay what were you like as a teen? that happens and honestly I sort of blank out. Like I know... oh god I once told @goldman how Twitter really works I am nearly out of the media industry don't jinx it it was not paid thank you k, f, m It would be so fun [for a while]. People doing tiffin-style... Last bit: I keep asking myself, what does a social network... Combine it with meshes, VPNs, etc. Resources are cheap and... Real answer: Sure, because it's just the web and has been... Thanks! You are very kind. Enjoy your blog very much! let's do it inside eataly on a citibike u r now a man I took the train one stop too far west and got off in... im on a bus im fridge yah, something sane. give it an hour or two. it thinks you... the apple juice is amazing i mean the eight figures were 💰💰💰💰💰💰💰💰 Where's that? i know me too. but they are perfect teen suits. I mean, it's a bad day for a LOT of people but THEIR SUITS. Their oversized suit jackets! Mo just came in and told me about this, now I see where she... YES The Ambassadors is rough going, I remember from the first... the weird one? lolol oh god i would in a minute i'm giving money screw it That story tho Leah! Her name is Sweetie Sweetie and she is... NICELY DONE the internet has finally found its armond white what about heaven is for real shhhh or the elves might unionize She owns the copyright. Did she assign these to you? yeah they just remodeled this one and you can see dreams... oh no this was not a simple costume change scenario, that... we'll never know. just like six teenagers sitting around... im not proud idgaf showed it to me i probably watch it 5 times a month i saw the preview for jupiter rising when i went to see... remember when ADULTS were like THE MATRIX is IMPORTANT? thus not having noodles but definitely preserving my place... there can be only one https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8umVKXfcutA that looks positively calming That poem tho I thought it was a great piece. I love that it pokes at... I'm confused. When we agreed to put the production config... right but at scale is a good shorthand when you're actually... IF there were a mummy if library of religious pamphlets and store catalogs sealed... imagine writing this in a onesie tho i already sent her a resume oh yeah that stuff gave me the willies in wordpress and... a time to catch up with old friends and obsessively parse a... Oh this was at Bard? wow where is that person now So dusk? In winter? It's a style thing, we are allowed to... I truly enjoyed this essay. I think a lot about this... Strong piece but it would be improved by a few scenes.... now I am! sweet! anyway the complete anthology of everything I have ever... jeff I KNOW oh yeah it's so good. i've been really inspired by messing... in conclusion don't do anything and now it's not released well so i was like what if my spreadsheet could become a... Finance? Tech? Which industry? have you been following http://qemu-advent-calendar.org btw REALLY? umm i love this! i have a spreadsheet and i keep finding things i've missed.... i promise: no one will ever test you i mean it's kind of the same essay over and over though... whoa it's good though it's got the right level of abstraction... wait but this vagrant install you've got looks mighty sweet Yeah tbh I like it. I'd rather have my edge cases... As long as it's SOMEWHAT abstracted away from the... But see that's good though. No one complains about the fact... I actually don't see it as cringey as much as...just big.... Right! And if you stick to it, it looks like you get nice... It definitely is inspiring some feelings! that's equivalent to like 30 lines of python that's not that many cold shivers OH NO IT WAS A SLOW BLINK AAAAAAAAAGWH:LRGJHWR:GLHWRG please blink shani please blink shani please blink shani... you can look at someone without saying anything, the most... stop NO can't fuck with hello kitty though, looking that up is the... McDonalds is BAD CLOWN I have this book of 3,000 logos and the kids love it so we... why didn't you tell me about this when i wrote that piece... WHAT lot to look forward to in 2015 git https://twitter.com/ftrain/status/542893057071677440/photo/1 i'm one of those how was work today I've created a website to help us collect relevant... I'm with Anil. I think we need to objectively analyze Finn... gina you finished your book just leave me alone it's important to keep our focus on the real problem which... you also hate finn i'm NOT criticizing your work posting a picture of a pig... oh wow i meant nyt_mouse but @nytmouse is pretty great... niiiiiiiice no i know you were referring to nytmouse is tom friedman even on twitter seriously actually I'd miss u too much I refollowed I'm sorry I couldn't help myself 9999 books the exact length of my book which is very late i need you to kill me please kill me when saks attacks! Right! The escalators were closed and then I was like, take... no @harper is an angel with earplugs and we are lucky to... i can take it from the masthead but it is forever in my... i'd love to come but boats make me nervous it's nice to have such good friends will you be partnering with http://hotels.com? it says we need to get a room BANANAS andrew we need an intentional community where we all live... when tim robbins's foot taps at the end man we need to prepare probably i mean the thing is, it's just going to keep going and... RIGHT? YES it's so great to see 21 boxes with different political... anyway god yes please send an email that would be great YES @jessamyn has been just killing it here, pushed me to... god you're right i really am assuming that the whole ship... lemme know if you have code camp ideas. my 1st step is just... i mean literally every part of the screen is alive and... I've kind of had a few but left myself a note... yep tx smart feedback gonna do that i could be running little radical code camps on... I mean if you love insane garbage we live in a perfect era.... So we all are garbage, we are a universe of pure garbage. Benjamen asks her if she would have stayed in the mix if... It's just complete madness. whenever benjamen calls i will be there bros before prose those days are gone now this is a profound question and will take me weeks dude we're still in phase 1 tbh one of the regrets of my life is that i'll never get to... I mean, Send not to know For whom the buyout comes, It... literally just like little points of toast i've been waiting for 18 months for this day, too... also say it in a movie nazi accent She's so great. We talk about her a lot at home. nah ivy on drums/programming and Abe on bass. The cool... ghost riders. Ivy has all about that base as "all about... its fun when they ask for stuff by name, like host riders... not there yet I mean I would settle for Danny to just keep sending the... love not live but they live recent pop (echosmith, Meghan trainor).... we have a good playlist for them. Lots of Dolly and Glen... mo knows her bio cold. Neither one of us has been to... just that she's great and also Abe and ivy ask for islands... dolly man every time yep i prefer to think of it as a "hub" i mean what can i say no what i'm saying is i'll come read all the @zeldman... lol I unfollowed EVERYONE I still check in manually oh lord, jeffrey. well regardless of whether that's true or... “This is an opportunity! We have the talent and ability to... kershaw they left its just Hitler and twitter now guys come on Hitler is just getting out of jail it is pretty fucked up... awesome it can always, always get worse just chill and do something fun later if it comes to you.... why is this such an insane tarpit of a problem? it does... this is how it starts! no no there have been many @sogrady knows them it was tungle :/ this is sort of the next-level todo list tho. there are a... next time I think about that constantly, it's just this very fluid... Ben Metcalf @ Harper's used to say that every sentence is... I worked so hard on that piece so I'm glad to see this.... Thank you! Much appreciated. exactly! it can be painful to be disrupted, but we live in... just do like ten minutes in the morning and then hit publish That's amazing, thank you! while we were talking reddit added three million new users in my defense I'm a selfish inhuman monster no its bad I've bailed hard in Katie twice now I'm garbage just some kool dads hangin https://mobile.twitter.com/ftrain/status/535136418910466048 Katie I worked with Anil go look at the website of... no I know I erased all those tweets for everyone's best... can @mat have them? do you know any editors I can hire so tired if this escalates, who wins? Like if you were elected chief meta-circular wizard of the... yep https://twitter.com/ftrain/status/540633387799949312/pho... hah no that's not how she and I are wired not gonna happen @mat PS VERY EXCITED ABOUT BUZZCRUNCH yes yes i often tweet the same thing many times because that... just think about software until the tears dry i'm crying right now I mean but we didn't, yet! one of the things that's great is XML allows for infinite... could there be anything more http://bbc.co.uk than the... thank you ted thank you chris it's a pleasure to work with you i had to give ivy a full-minute hug since she was upset by... so much of this story was buried he was frankly kind of spectacular we should discuss him at... abe punched me in the eye yesterday it gut super real and... http://edwardlowe.org/digital-library/plain-talk-from-ed-low... patient what a canoe I bet .va IT is pretty damn pro. oh you just call the Vatican they have a fact sheet that's great! Congratulations! ulgh that deck This is a genius idea though, like in terms of schemes this... http://forum.wordreference.com/showthread.php?t=112684 via irc discussions and then people did "w" and noticed it... what were we wearing https://twitter.com/ftrain/status/540180073060761600/photo/1 The authors address these concerns in the first few... can @pfhawkins add you to the list and would you like to... right. It was such an intense moment. Same for me. That's... i read that and was like, oh okay, then the stakes kept... It is excellent to be involved! What a GREAT idea! it's a great city whereas like jack benny you can trace straight through to... Right it's hard to think of something TRULY like it. A... that's very cool. what an amazing collection. WHOA it's such a great show. noooooo! I did! It was great to read. I had opinions and then... r u on the ops mailing list? weekend-only is so smart no it's great reading these comments i feel like i've bitten off more... yep everything is knitting together via IRC, Usenet, and... i had something like that but it was when my dad took me to... you don't want your kids growing up thinking people are... i mean except at the fertility clinic not a lot of people applying to join our club jacob i thought you were at gawker because you're getting a phd... well sure but she's not like a twitter dad but like a real... OOOOOF yelling at rolling stone about its rock list is like... i mean would you even get credit what in god's name you guys don't have interns but it does raise the question... makes sense i mean does that ever work “I was just updating the home page,” I'd say. “It was a... the thing is you're not directly on the team. there's this... I look forward to your hootorials on Gist. jack why And they'd go, “Can you do Der Stürmer next?” and I'd go,... and i'd go, well can i open source it and they'd be like... I probably would have tho because they'd go "we need a... it used to be available on microfiche in a kind of suitcase... here we go: http://www.villageearth.org/appropriate-technolo... wait wait there's like a whole earth thing on MICROFICHE... joel don't pretend otherwise you would be GREAT in an... my wife works in construction and can cook. i'm less useful... just you know like 150 earthships somewhere trading recipes... charlie you ever think what would happen if we built an... it's pretty bad I got it from @vruba's newsletter a goodly newsletter I just wish I'd had a chance to say goodbye but, candy crush cleopatra would make a good musical In conclusion: Don't tweet, write. Or read. new wrens in 2015 http://www.stereogum.com/1723245/new-wrens... see it can be okay http://www.theawl.com/2014/12/the-black-v... Weird contrast with that Graham essay and Chris Rock on... H1Bs...or America is dooooooooooooomed!!!... Chorus: People! Bobby: Think more about... Duke:... when i see lists of "your top words in 2014" i hear them as... oh its like a fun epilog to der untergang! imagine Goebbels and Magda putting up the tree. Who came by... no I have the symptoms but not the disease I woke up yesterday and had like 20 death camps open as... My wife is all, you bought the wrong applesauce, I'm all,... The QEMU advent calendar just ended and it was totally... oh just getting caught up you're doing important work Glad to see @anildash finally changed his name to the... Man Ayn Rand sure loved movies https://medium.com/message/wh... “snake people,” as said out loud in 2014... These Detroit Satanists have an amazing look:... http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2014/12/23/us/gender-gaps... “That's the rub, isn't it?” is something only commenters... https://twitter.com/ftrain/status/547107824300744704/photo/1 Shhhh now. No need to reply. No need to say a word. Just... This year, give me the greatest gift. The gift of... https://twitter.com/ftrain/status/546861261074726912/photo/1 https://twitter.com/ftrain/status/546849853465427968/photo/1 kicker warning on that lesson hooooooly bananacakes pandoc has come a long long way you... https://twitter.com/ftrain/status/546777932430344192/photo/1 never forget what inspired it http://www.imagemagick.org/scr... it has gotten so much more obscure suuuuch the good stuff https://twitter.com/ftrain/status/546... this will never get old (actually it will get old in 10-15... 4/2 actually that last one should have been 3/3 amended, or... 2/2 (I had two 1/2 instead of a 1/2 and a 2/2 so I'm... 1/2 so i'm guessing there's a de-duping algorithm that... 1/2 so! (cc @xor) Twitter gif->MP4 skipped frames that... my 2015 twitter self is going to be blatant self-promotion,... never tweet EXCEPT to tweet zooming pre-glitched shit... Okay this little shell script is kind of working now... does anyone know why twitter drops frames of animated gifs... testing testing please ignore https://twitter.com/ftrain/sta... https://twitter.com/ftrain/status/546104889114640384/photo/1 "My daughter, the user" is a mini-essay I wrote about... So that's cool, I come up with the EXACT same ideas as... You COULD could me in Slate saying Facebook is like eternal... hundreds and hundreds of outrageous things, one per day in... we are now watching hello kitty videos on youtube just to... Look daddy said my kids we got BALLOONS at daycare! Let's... “Brand advertising has never worked on the Internet... 72 million reasons to love New York... this was the thingy https://coderwall.com/p/hr_9pw/motds-on-... are you on AWS? Their default CentOS has a weird program... Next year, Apple Watch will let you feel your grandma's... Kids are going to be all like “isn't this a touching... That Apple ad plays with fire, what if that album contained... A scientist finally was able to get a photograph of the... this is so great. the world just isn't the same without you... “She received incorporation papers for my firm—MCSE, an... The Intercept publishes another awesome @KenSilverstein1... Seriously what the hell is Henry James even saying? I was all like I need a break from this shit I'm gonna... Ebola orphan Sweetie Sweetie http://www.nytimes.com/2014/12/... The Times is soooo traffic hungry, I'm traffic hungry,... I enjoy that the Times describes Gawker as “traffic hungry”... i've been working on a setup for “the milf on the shilf”... i mean onesies are cool here take this tablespoon of sugar right in your mouth and... that's like giving away a french fry auntie annes was giving away thumb sized pretzel nuggets... it just feels like american stuff can't be neatly segmented... the mall wasn't even a little busy on Sunday, December 14th... malls are weird My kids were so freaked by the mall they didn't care Santa... Central dispatch was sending out a new Santa by 2:30 so... My wife and I went to a mall today and we were going to get... “Racist tweets grew from the hundreds to the thousands.”... yeah i was too busy thinking about earth as the corporate... well sure we need a new social network just for sunday morning dads you mean brooklyn? and I would avoid it because something something baudrillard but not the level of noodles promised us by Bladerunner but in our current dystopia we refer to people we love by... right it's just like some random photo in bladerunner... that's called a balut http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Balut_%28... the "enhance" future is here but of course it's a pic of... “In the meantime, the problem seems to grow only more... Have you ever truly LOOKED at the people in the background... so gfycat has a pretty amazing zoom function where you... this is so good from @readmatter about UFC fighting women... You know when you get to that “page not found” message but... Oh yeah, in a technology thread that's EXACTLY what it... “Still, it was refreshing to be pursued by someone, even in... “The Siliconian came down like the wolf on the fold, And... worth it for the Ozick poem the longest form Like bad management uses language badly, it's not the... Silicon Valley jargon is just business jargon plus like,... oh whoops @leahfinnegan this is for you... journalism is saved http://www.businessinsider.com/how-i-mad... s͈̮o͈̮ h͈̮a͈̮p͈̮p͈̮y͈̮ lol god no it was hard but they got it down to just a few hundred core... i mean check this erd out https://twitter.com/ftrain/status/... I'm learning about Drupal for work and hoo doggies there's... Lately it feels like I could just replace all the mirrors... “If building something is more virtuous than talking, then... “A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court” is a perfect... journalism has become this neverending christmas party with... Proud of @katienotopoulos for using a picture of a pig but... finally got my fridge block huge sigh of relief My toddler son just looked me in the eye and said, “Don't... The trailer park in Palo Alto. http://www.theawl.com/2014/12... Working in Rockefeller Center around Christmas is peak NYC. this is a great piece about playing videogames with your... i mean it was my own fault i forgot to build, like, a cms oh god i just disagreed with a ranking on that list and now... imagine if this was the guest list to a party... We gotta get you a website. There are now 26 servers on the http://tilde.club list,... okay i've had a few sure okay but listen no seriously... it was good, you guys did okay Yep! yeah that opt-out advice at the end is realllllllly strong... like when i read about the royal family visiting i keep... the giancarlo esposito character from bob roberts was a... Good to hear Kathy Sierra telling her story:... “Listening to Gerry Rafferty is even better than listening... this is cool http://ncase.me/polygons/ You know that part of changing your eating habits where you... i mean why not compromise https://twitter.com/ftrain/status/... one thing we've all learned it's that journalists need... gonna take a lot of apple watches before the media industry... one day the tears will end https://twitter.com/ftrain/status... Once, at a party, Eichmann ate all the toast points. Sassen... Eichmann used to swing by Saskia Sassen's place in... I mean Suck was not perfect! But it sure was bearable. I just gave the world two middle fingers and fell off the... Nah its still Dolly. Oh shit Tracy Thorn covered Hard Candy Christmas. I'm not... Lifehack: Put Hard Candy Xmas by Dolly Parton and Joy by... One way to tell if you're in a bubble is to measure the... OH MY GOD DID WE What I love is that rather than trying to like, compete,... I mean they don't hurt! Well, I mean, most of them do... Just sitting quietly alone trying to enjoy my biography of... “My Favorite Holiday” by @jessamyn... http://dadtakingthebustoseeinterstellarindecemberalone.tumbl... I think they'll run ipv6 “I am so excited to get started working on my resignation... Let's all have good digital transformations today everybody. I bet there's a bottom tho Guys, look, I know why print-driven organizations don't... “If there’s one thing in even shorter supply than legroom,... Everything is pretty complicated. I emailed the friend that piece because it feels wrong to... I know it can be confusing when I publish like five things... I just published “How to Email with an Old Friend When You... hey h@x0rs what if i told you [drops book entitled “N3W... whoa @choire is surrounded https://twitter.com/ftrain/status... in stories about kitty litter you always want to bury the... I have two cats and for the record they are terrible. “[The research cats] scampered, played, and—given their... “We aim to stay No. 1,” he said, “in a No. 2 business.”... Speaking of kickers. I wrote about one of my favorite subjects, kitty litter, in... “That's the reality.” http://www.nytimes.com/video/nyregion/... so good Second, I updated my http://tilde.club blog with the letter... I love reading Ken Silverstein on corruption... The nine most terrifying words in the media industry are... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0LP8TjPypY If anyone started a http://tilde.club style server, wants... JUNGLEPUSSY - NAH: http://youtu.be/AtwVdabW0GE Counting down to Christmas with cool/weird QEMU hard-drive... i'm anti-kicker now but it's only really the last six months I actually wrote those pieces...wow...a while ago so there... The lesson is about the radio show Vic and Sade, it's here:... I wrote a thing about file formats a while ago, for The... people going off and booting up linux servers to serve... (I've been away from http://tilde.club dealing with my life... omg this is happening http://riotgirl.club/ the viral hoax marketing videos of other cultures are... Japan finally perfects the cat-shaped beverage marshmallow:... needs a closing tag and we also need to talk namespaces “Oh god...rain...human kindness...birds...wizards. Larks?... Kickers are the worst tho. If you want to drive a writer to... i mean it makes you think doesn't it the way that airplanes... good to see times explore the never-before-explored... i mean albums are basically music for old people rusty u r yelling at rolling stone J.J. Abrams won't ruin Star Wars. The Internet will ruin... Nazi wikipedia and British monarchy Wikipedia are both so... Nearly every night I go to bed thinking about (1)... This is so comforting: http://boingboing.net/2014/11/20/trai... It's for an $150 tent they've got ten months to go. Somebody put in one of my old gmail addresses as their... We had fun though didn't we? And I don't regret what... Can we have Suck back? You don't actually need rich people to publish on the web. People who get upset about gendered gifts for kids should... Never forget https://twitter.com/ftrain/status/5477745672433... The Awl asked me to write about what will go wrong in the... No need for further wit. Find your coat on the bed. Breathe... No one ever writes, “The New York Times, co-creator of the... Why aren't there EVER pejorative appellations for older... “I'm confused” is business slang for “you're wrong.” You know, the more thin̬̯͖̱͇g̦͍̬̘s̩̹͙̩͈ c͓͎ha̭n̤̯ge͉̺ the... To anyone required to make a best-of-Twitter-in-2014 list:... harper's removed me as contributing editor once but they... Welcome to my class. It is difficult. How difficult? Look... First, from @abackstrom, this is amazing.... I mean, $150, that's like one hour of Javascript (i.e....