Ftrain, by Paul Ford

"When I looked over I saw you eating pumpkin pie in the middle room away from the table I knew you were eating your feelings," said [Wife].

I'm back to where I was before Thanksgiving.

When I think about what got me started, after two years on pills and lots of understanding, it was Dr. R-- looking at me sternly and saying in so many words: you have to deal with this. Then sending me to the cardiologist. It was that sense of being assigned to a category, of being reduced to a number, a checklist of risk factors, and knowing that the numbers weren't good. All that exceptionalism and self-love and understanding, all the theories of addiction and Atkins and Paleo diets and Fat Acceptance and Health at Every Size thrown out the window and replaced by: you need to lose weight. You have become a number.

Weight: 296.5 lbs