Ftrain, by Paul Ford

That thing on the side of the butter package where it shows you how much is in a tablespoon is cruel, very cruel. There is no way to make that amount of butter count for any amount of pleasure. I thought that for a moment I might find a way--perhaps something using physics, or propane--to spread the pat across many cups of popcorn, but in the end, I know, we were looking at a four-tablespoon scenario, so I switched to the deeply satisfying joys of nutritional yeast. And a pint glass of wine.