January 22, 2012 - Non-event

Sometimes the babies break my heart. They smell like Balmex and clean laundry. Looking at them is like watching a lighthouse--you're in the dark and then at intervals some great glow emerges from their faces, blinding, and you blink and step back amazed.

I am a monolith beside them, slicing off pieces of cheese. I was expecting some kind of transformation, some sort of magic event to take place, but of course there is none.

Now someone wants me to write about fatness, and here is what I know: I'm up 50. 50! I've been going to the gym regularly. But I can tell the distance between the old thinner self and this one and I'm not yet doing the work.

Also, I want a drink; I've been pounding Manhattans because the bourbon soothes. But I am winding that back.

Weight: 341 lbs