July 30, 2009 - Snack
The scale came. It arrived at work and I brought it down in the freight elevator and crammed it into the trunk of a cab, held in with a bungee cord, bouncing along. I gave the cabbie an extra $5 atop his tip for the struggle. We put it together right away. It took a long time--much angling, spots where my huge paws were too big to put the hook in so [Wife] had to step in, leaning things forward, pulling things back. Some metal was bent and unbent; then I put the wheels on backwards. Every part has its purpose, and the purpose is not to deceive. There's nothing about it any newer than 1910, save for a little plastic in the wheels where before you'd have steel. And the fact that it was made by the Chinese and shipped here on a boat. But it is ultimately, reassuringly, a simple device, as primitive as possible. I can see it now as I type, immediately in front of my desk. Health o meter. Five feet of white enameled steel and a measuring rod to tell me my height, which, I am informed, may increase if I lose weight because the pressure on my spinal fluid will be reduced. I don't know if that's true, but it's interesting enough to repeat.
Most scales in a doctor's office top out at a certain number, which is why I bought this one--whenever I go to the doctor, I get on the scale, they slide everything as far to the right as they can, and write down a question mark. So that was my weight: "?." This one goes 100 pounds above that number, so I'd finally know. At a slight increase in cost. But it turns out I'm not off the scales after all; after my month in the sun I am within the outer bound of the doctor's scales now, and well within the outer bound of this bariatric special.
The amount of calories I need to burn to attain a healthy weight is equivalent to the amount of energy in seven or eight gallons of gasoline--seven minutes of helicopter flight; a hundred yards, give or take, of cruise-ship travel. And I can move a cruise ship a hundred yards. Just grab a rope, and pull for a year.
| Food | Qty | Calories |
|---|---|---|
| Merlot, 1 fl. oz. | 8 | 232 |
| Total | 232 |
Weight: 342 lbs