My Pals
My Social Life
I have named various aspects of New York life and address them accordingly. Walking up the subway stairs at 16th St and 6th Ave, I think, "My friend Piss-Smell is happy to see me today!" Strolling through the East Village, I realize that our pal, Incredibly Dank Filth, is also hanging out, having a good time. At home, Ms. Toxic Air Pollution is sending me into fits of sneezing. She reminds me of her love each morning, when I wake with a puffy nose and scratchy throat, and I thank her by spitting dark gray into the sink.
Others I see more rarely; they're more acquaintances than friends. Mr. Vomit shows up now and then, about once a month, on the sidewalk, or maybe even on a wall. Professor Feces-Smeared Subway Seat and Doctor Used Condom von Gutter make regular appearances, too, and it's always nice to see them. In Chinatown, we all know Honorable Forever Garbage Stink. He's a true fixture. And right in my neighborhood, there's Ol' Daddy Gowanus Fishhole Funk.
Living in the city, all I have to do is breathe deeply, and I'm in good company.