Recent Transactions Among the Tribes

By Paul Ford

This is how the business section of the newspaper sounds to me. You?

The Number Beast of the City of New York was angry again today, and punished the tribes.

It gnashed its teeth violently, and reduced the first sacred number by 29, then reduced the second sacred number by 134. It flapped its wings to create a terrible wind which blew harshly over the tribes of Internet technology, and manufacturing, and health care. All trembled in fear to see the numbers lower.

In City of New York, Servants of the Order of the Numbers of the City (SONC) came together at the lowest part of the Island of Manhattan, as they do each of 5 days of the week. They gathered in giant pits, with slips of paper and calculating machines, and wore the vests of office, and screamed out sacred numbers to one another, with the intent of gathering great riches for themselves and for the Others, the Shareholders.

The elders of SONC feel that the Number Beast will soon take flight and deliver rapine and suffering to all the tribes, all across the earth, and it will be the time of the Bear, and the Bull will be slaughtered, and many members of the tribes will be put out of the tribes, into the cold. Some of SONC say that the Beast will land “hard” when it returns to the earth, and then the sacred numbers will lower steadily, and the Bull will be destroyed utterly, not to return again until the Number Beast is pleased with us. Others are certain the Number Beast will have a “soft landing,” and we will be able to eat of the Bull and wear its skin as clothing against the cold, and pray for its return.

Many sacrifices were made to the Number Beast today in response to its anger. In City of Detroit, a tribe which creates electrical equipment sacrificed 20,000 of its members to the Number Beast. The sacrificed members were thanked by the elders for their loyalty, then sent into the cold without sustenance, and must find other tribes to take them. When it learned of the sacrifice, the Number Beast was generous, and SONC was permitted to raise the number of the electric equipment tribe by 2.

In City of Portland a tribe which creates software for computers sacrificed 5,000 of its members to the Number Beast, and told them that they must seek other tribes to take them in. The Number Beast was pleased, and allowed SONC to raise the number of the tribe by 3.35.

In City of New York and Chicago and San Francisco and the World Over, two tribes, one which provides insurance, another a bank, formerly at war, were joined by treaty by their eldest members, and great announcements were sent over the the world that the two tribes would be stronger than many tribes put together. At first, it was announced that the tribes would come together, and no one would be sent away, but then later it was announced that many members of the second tribe would be sent into the world, and must find other tribes to take them in. The Councils in Washington said that they were concerned by the treaty, which violated their laws, but then conferred, and finally said that the treaty could continue, to serve MARKET. The Number Beast was most pleased, and rewarded the two tribes greatly, with an increase in their number of 10.84.

In City of Seattle, at an installation of the Tribe of Amazon, a merchant that sells the products of other tribes, members of UNION were discovered to have invaded the tribe, and were ejected from the Tribe because they questioned the wisdom of the elder members. This is as it should be, for UNION is displeasing to the Number Beast. SONC was permitted to raise Amazon only .05.

It was recorded but not verified that members of UNION gathered together at a telecommunications tribe, and one of them said “we can rise up against the Number Beast and give its power to small tribes, and to individual members of tribes,” and the Number Beast in all its wrath delivered its fury unto the tribe, and told SONC to lower the the number of the tribe by 6.65. For behold, the time of the end of UNION shall be at hand, and the days of MARKET shall be eternal.

There was much more that happened, much more than can be written. Now, all wait to see if the Number Beast will take flight, and to see if other finance tribes will join so that they will be strong, and to pray before the Bull.

Praise to the Number Beast! So it is written:

1. Behold the wisdom of MARKET: it is duty of us to serve MARKET, and to buy, and to fight UNION, and it is the duty of the tribes to serve the Number Beast and to serve the Others, the Shareholders.

2. For MARKET sent forth its child the Number Beast, to slay the souls possessed by UNION, which came from the dirt and the ground.

3. While many must suffer today at its wrath, we must trust MARKET and the elders of the tribes, and serve the Others, the Shareholders, so that we can be not afraid, and one day, our health will cared for and we will live in plenty. For when all have faith in MARKET and all with faith in UNION are purged from the earth, then the earth will be harmonious.

4. If some of the Others, the Shareholders are greatly rewarded by the Number Beast, so must it be, for they have worked harder, and pulled themselves up by their bootstraps.

5. If some are hungry, and their children are hungry, or if they are ejected from the tribes after many years of service, then the Number Beast has frowned on them, for they are lazy, or dark of skin, or limited in education, and so must it be.

6. So it is written and it must ever be.

2. For MARKET sent forth its child the Number Beast, to slay the souls possessed by UNION, which came from the dirt and the ground.

3. While many must suffer today at its wrath, we must trust MARKET and the elders of the tribes, and serve the Others, the Shareholders, so that we can be not afraid, and one day, our health will cared for and we will live in plenty. For when all have faith in MARKET and all with faith in UNION are purged from the earth, then the earth will be harmonious.

4. If some of the Others, the Shareholders are greatly rewarded by the Number Beast, so must it be, for they have worked harder, and pulled themselves up by their bootstraps.

5. If some are hungry, and their children are hungry, or if they are ejected from the tribes after many years of service, then the Number Beast has frowned on them, for they are lazy, or dark of skin, or limited in education, and so must it be.

6. So it is written and it must ever be.