Day: Jun 16

1 interval from 16 Jun 2001 (Consumption Directional Elsinore)

11:14 pm

Today is 16 June 2001.

This afternoon I quit a job I worked with my ex-girlfriend and told her I wasn't going to speak to her for some time. She told me she'd been with someone else, and the door was finally opened and I was free to go.

I walked 5 miles. I went to the Brooklyn Bridge. I visited with my neighbor and we came up with a plan for conquering the world. I ate fruit and vegetables even though I didn't want to eat at all. I went with a friend to dinner and had steamed onions, mushrooms, tomatoes, broccoli. I tasted everything, the flesh of the mushrooms, the snap of the carrots. He and I planned to meet tomorrow at 11am to jog through Prospect Park, unless it rains.

I will not be able to run far. It is hot and I am out of shape. I'll go as far as I can, then I will walk. But I will run. I used to say I was going to do these things, and never did them. Now I do them, and they suck and make my body and soul ache.

I strategized as to how I am going to make the entire Web better and more useful, how I am going to make Ftrain into a narrative that serves its audience.

I called another woman and apologized for a way I'd been, the jealous anger I'd poured onto her. I asked her if she would have me back as a friend. We'll see.

I asked a third woman on a date. "I am very much a gentleman and have no intentions," I wrote her in an email. No reply, yet.

I called several people and told them how I was feeling, and they said they would help me if I'd let them. My friend L is going to cut and highlight my hair. My friend X will come over and sleep in my apartment some night soon, to keep me company. Her visit gives me a way to be quiet near another person.

I wept, and then I felt fine, then I wept, then I felt fine.

I wrote an essay about speaking to the river, called Bridge and River Consecration.

I asked a friend to give me information on building houses with Habitat for Humanity in Harlem.

I gave a sheep (http://catalog.heifer.org/sheep.cfm) to a third world family via the Heifer Project (http://www.heifer.org).

Dear Paul Ford,

Thank you for your gift order of:

  Price Each


Grand Total: $120

It will be used for wool, to make clothing; it will be fed, and bred, and cared for by people for whom a flock of sheep is a way to survive, to eat, to raise their children, moving them towards enough to eat, helping them be educated.

I gave the sheep in honor of my father, because it's Father's Day.

I gave the sheep in honor of the fictional lamb I killed in a recent story about Tim McVeigh's execution.

I gave the sheep because I want others to have food, clothing, and income, even strangers.

I just quit my job. I cannot, strictly, afford to give away sheep. But who cares?




Ftrain.com is the website of Paul Ford and his pseudonyms. It is showing its age. I'm rewriting the code but it's taking some time.


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About the author: I've been running this website from 1997. For a living I write stories and essays, program computers, edit things, and help people launch online publications. (LinkedIn). I wrote a novel. I was an editor at Harper's Magazine for five years; then I was a Contributing Editor; now I am a free agent. I was also on NPR's All Things Considered for a while. I still write for The Morning News, and some other places.

If you have any questions for me, I am very accessible by email. You can email me at ford@ftrain.com and ask me things and I will try to answer. Especially if you want to clarify something or write something critical. I am glad to clarify things so that you can disagree more effectively.


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© 1974-2011 Paul Ford


@20, by Paul Ford. Not any kind of eulogy, thanks. And no header image, either. (October 15)

Recent Offsite Work: Code and Prose. As a hobby I write. (January 14)

Rotary Dial. (August 21)

10 Timeframes. (June 20)

Facebook and Instagram: When Your Favorite App Sells Out. (April 10)

Why I Am Leaving the People of the Red Valley. (April 7)

Welcome to the Company. (September 21)

“Facebook and the Epiphanator: An End to Endings?”. Forgot to tell you about this. (July 20)

“The Age of Mechanical Reproduction”. An essay for TheMorningNews.org. (July 11)

Woods+. People call me a lot and say: What is this new thing? You're a nerd. Explain it immediately. (July 10)

Reading Tonight. Reading! (May 25)

Recorded Entertainment #2, by Paul Ford. (May 18)

Recorded Entertainment #1, by Paul Ford. (May 17)

Nanolaw with Daughter. Why privacy mattered. (May 16)

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