08 May 98

All by my lonesome

I have a case of loneliness. The train to Buffalo stopped in Albany, and reminded me of my ex-girlfriend, Rhonda. She used to live there. My apartment is squalorous; I've made little progress in the last seven months at organizing my life, and even writing in this diary hollows me out.

I called my mother, since Mother's Day is tomorrow, and she said, "a young man needs a girlfriend. What's wrong with you?" I'm alone at work, it's 10:30 PM on a Saturday, and she brings up my singlehood. I have an Achilles soul.

I can't talk to anyone. I feel estranged from my friends, all of them, and I'm not communicating well. I'm writing this at work, emailing to myself, in the depths of despair. I feel like crying.

Wait, there's someone here at work.

Well, wouldn't you know it, it was Jesus, calling me home.

I said, "Jesus, I'm not ready yet!"

"There's no room on earth for fat complainers, Ford."

"But Jesus! I have so much to do! It's just been not easy lately."

"What do you want, sympathy? I got stapled. Get up and do

"It'll be hours before I'm done writing this thing. No one else is here on a weekend."

"Wait a minute," said Jesus. He checked his clipboard. "I was looking for a grown man to take to heaven, but I see I've found a little girl." He stopped, and shook his long hair. "Ford, you'd only dampen the white light. I'm leaving."

I saw him on the elevator. "So long, Ford," he said. "Shape up or I'll be back." I waved goodbye to Jesus as the elevator dinged and the door closed.




Ftrain.com is the website of Paul Ford and his pseudonyms. It is showing its age. I'm rewriting the code but it's taking some time.


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About the author: I've been running this website from 1997. For a living I write stories and essays, program computers, edit things, and help people launch online publications. (LinkedIn). I wrote a novel. I was an editor at Harper's Magazine for five years; then I was a Contributing Editor; now I am a free agent. I was also on NPR's All Things Considered for a while. I still write for The Morning News, and some other places.

If you have any questions for me, I am very accessible by email. You can email me at ford@ftrain.com and ask me things and I will try to answer. Especially if you want to clarify something or write something critical. I am glad to clarify things so that you can disagree more effectively.


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© 1974-2011 Paul Ford


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